Give It a Chance for Our Love to Start

I didn’t know why I kissed Nick. It was because of how he made me feel, so beautiful, so wanted, and so carefree, so hassle free. But most of all, he made me feel happy. With everything that was happening with Joe and Tinsley, I needed that feeling. I needed that happiness. It wasn’t love. I was too absorbed in Joe to be able to call this love. No, definitely not love. It was hope. Nick represented everything I had wished my relationship with Joe could be. I wished it could be so carefree, so easy, so open, so about love, our love, and nothing else. I wished nothing else mattered. But I knew it didn’t matter. I knew it didn’t matter. There was too much in the way wth Joe. But with Nick, it was so easy. It was so loving.

I pulled away. Nick’s eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted. “Wow,” he breathed.

“I-I’m sorry,” I choked out, backing away slowly. That was wrong. That had been so wrong of me.

His eyes opened abruptly. “What?”

I felt the moisture come to my eyes. “I-I-I sh-shouldn’t have d-done that,” I stammered out.

“Bethany,” he said quietly, reach out to me. I pulled out of his reach. I couldn’t bare for him to touch me. I couldn’t bare to think o what I had just done. It was so selfish of me, so wrong. “Bethany, I lo—“

“Don’t,” I begged. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said “Bethany, I’m not sorry. I’m actually glad you did that.”

“Glad,” I scoffed. “Are you happy I used you? Does it please you that I-I love Joe?” My voice was quiet.

“But you have feelings for me too,” he said quickly. I gaped at him. Was he retarded? After everything with Joe, did he really think I could move on so quickly. He smiled, seeming to have known what I was thinking. “Bethany, I know you love him. I can’t deny that. Maybe the feelings you have for me aren’t as strong, but they are there. I know they are. I can tell.”

“What feelings Nick,” I asked. “You’ve become one of my best friend. I love you, I do. But only as my best friend. I –I know you’d like o think I’m a person with this big heart who can love both you and Joe. Maybe I can. But I don’t know. Maybe it is there. But I’ve loved Joe for ten years. He’s been my everything for so long. He’s taken all my love Nick.”

“Not all,” he smirked, obviously not letting this go. “If it was all, you wouldn’t have kissed me.”

“It could have been because I’m a selfish slut,” I said.

Nick took my hand, and put his free hand on my cheek, his eyes boring into mine. “No, you’re not. Bethany, you may be hurt, you may be sad, you may be confused. But you are not a bad person. Look at everything you’ve done, for Tinsley, for Joe. You gave him a place to call home when he was lost. And now, you’re sacrificing your love and happiness for your best friend. And I love you for that, for being such an amazing person. You make me want to love you. You can make anyone want to love you. Because you’re so good and amazing. You’re the one for me Bethany.” He stroked my cheek gently with his thumb as he took a step towards me.

“Even if all that were true,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “How is it fair to you? How is any of this fair? Do you really want to be with someone whose always going to be in love with someone else more?”

He smiled. “Let me worry about that,” he said. And he leaned in and kissed me. His hands moved to the back of my neck as he lightly pressed me back to the door. My fingers tangled in his hair. Did I love Nick? I think I did. Not at all like I loved Joe. But a little bit. Through everything, Nick had become my sun. My own personal sun, the light in my darkness, the medicine to my pain. I pulled him into my room with me.

---

You know that saying? Family knows you best? Well in mine and Nick's case, it was definitely true. He did know me best. He knew exactly how much it would kill me to see Bethany with another man, just like it was killing her to see me with Tinsley. He knew I needed her. He knew we were one. And he knew me well enough to know he could talk me into forgetting about my vow. Nick had reminded me something. I loved Bethany. I loved her more than life itself. I knew she was in pain right now, more of her own doing than anything else, sure, but it was pain. And seeing her in pain hurt me too. It was that unbreakable bond or whatever Nick had called it. I was attached to her, as I would always be. And even now, I knew I was hurting her. I didn't want to anymore. I didn't want to be the cause of any more of her pain. I sighed. I knew what I had to do.

I started walking up the stairs. This would be easy, wouldn't it? Just a quick, Bethany I;m sorry for everything. I love you. And I'll do whatever you want without any returns. Easy, right? Sure, I could do that. Easy as pie.

"Hey you," Tinsley said, smirking at me as she leaned on the railing on the top step.

"Hey," I smiled at her.

She coiled her arms around my waist as I drew near, kissing me slowly and seductively. I sighed. "Tinsley, I can't," I pulled away as her hands moved to rest on my belt.

"Joe, we're going to be married," she reminded me, kissing my neck. Her hands didn't move from my belt. "We can practice, can't we?"

"I—I can't," I stammered out, taking her hands. "Tinsley, I love you. But the promise, remember? Until I'm married."

She sighed, pulling away. "Okay," she said, before yawning. "I'm tired. I'm going to head to bed. Night."

"Good night," I said kissing her. I sighed, groaning as I ran a hand through my hair. It wasn't just cause of a promise I had said no to her. It was also because I had always pictured my first time with the girl in the letters, Bethany. And until I was actually married to Tinsley, I didn't think I was going to be able to let that hope go. I sighed, walking to Bethany's room. I opened it slightly, and then froze. Nick and Bethany. Kissing. No, making out. On her bed. Nick's shirt was off. What the fuck. It wasn't until they broke apart, both looking at me in horror, wide eyed, that I realized that I had said that out loud.