Give It a Chance for Our Love to Start

“I’m telling you,” I followed Nick into his room after he had just walked back in without hearing anything. “Nothing happened. We were just talking.”

“Yeah, you were talking to him,” he said. I could hear the pain in his voice. But I didn’t know what else he expected from me. It wasn’t like I was lying. Nothing had happened – that time at least.

“Joe and I are still friends Nick,” I said quietly.

He sighed, and rubbed his eyes tiredly as he sat on his bed. “I know you guys are still friends,” he said. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Then I don’t understand,” I told him, walking over to stand in front of him. “Why are you still mad?”

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad.”

“Then what is it,” I touched his face gently.

He sighed, and looked at me, pained. “Bethany, you know I love you, right?”

“Yes,” I said quietly.

“And you know I want you to be happy, right,” he asked.

“Yes,” I said warily now. Where was he going with this?

“Even if that’s not with me,” he prodded.

“What,” I asked, shock flooding my voice.

He sighed, and pulled my hand to sit next to him. “Bethany, you talked to Joe.”

“We’re friends,” I insisted.

“I know,” he promised. “But you talked to him, when you can’t talk to me.”

My mouth was clamped shut. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. I did talk to him. I could, I would. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

He smiled sadly, and pushed my hair out of my face. “It’s okay, I understand,” he said. “You guys talked everyday for so long. You were his home Bethany,” he said. “And he was your life.”

“But you’re my life now,” I promised.

“I can’t erase 10 years of emailing,” he said quietly. I didn’t say anything. He smiled at me encouragingly. “And I wouldn’t want to. As much as I hate to admit this, you saved Joe. You saved him with every email.”

“I didn’t save anyone,” I whispered.

“You couldn’t save Tinsley,” he said, knowing what I meant even better than I did.

I sighed. “Joe is hers Nick. I can’t take him anymore.”

“As cruel as this sounds,” he said. “She’s gone.”

I felt my heart beat faster. “I – know, but—“

He cut me off. “Bethany, you heard her. She wanted you to be happy. Just like I do.”

“I’m happy with you,” I told him. I didn’t know why I was resisting being with Joe so much. I knew my heart longed for him. But something was stopping me. Tinsley was stopping me. She was – gone, yes, and she said she wanted me to be happy, yes, but I had taken him from her before even asking if it was okay. I should have just asked her. She would still be here. She would still be alive. I sighed. The boys were right. I blamed myself too often.

“Bethany, you are not happy,” he said quietly. “And you are not okay. And as much as I wish you would, you won’t tell me anything. And I see now, you can’t. And you can’t because you want, no, you need him. You need Joe.” I didn’t say anything, knowing every word was true. “Bethany, I saw you smiling for the first time in days when you were just talking to him. You let him in. And he makes you happy.”

That was all true. Every word of it. Joe made me happy. He really did. And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I needed him. I needed him so much. I loved Nick a lot. But he just – he wasn’t Joe. And I couldn’t pretend like I was okay anymore. I felt all my walls coming tumbling down.

“But what about you,” I asked.

He waved it off, smiling. But I saw the pain behind it. “I’ll be okay,” he said. “I just want you to be happy.”

I leaned in and kissed him softly. “You’re too good for me.”

He smirked. “Nah,” he said. “I’m just not Joe.”

I kissed his cheek too. “Thank you,” I said.

“As long as you’re happy,” he smiled. “Now go get him.”

“Should I,” I smiled.

He pretended to think about it. I laughed. He was too cute. “Yeah you should.”

I hugged him quickly before getting up and going to look for Joe. I sighed. He was definitely the one my life had always been leading to.