Give It a Chance for Our Love to Start

I wasn’t really sure what I was going to say to him. I was hoping it would come to me when I saw him. I stood outside his room, taking deep breaths. A million emotions were sweeping through me, adrenaline pumping through my veins. This was what I had always wanted, to have him love me, to love him back. And I knew all obstacles were out of the way now. As much as I loved Nick, he was right. He wasn’t Joe. And finally Joe and I could be together, unrestricted, not guilty, and not immorally. I was sure this was what Tinsley would want to, and that made me even happier – or rather as happy as I could get with my best friend slash the sister I never had recently deceased. He was really going to be mine, and I was going to be his, just as we always were meant to be.

I took a deep breath, realizing I should go tell him all of this stuff instead of just thinking it. Now was it. I knocked softly. “Come in,” his reply came. I opened the door slowly, peeking my head in slightly. Joe was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He turned his head to look at who had come in, and sat up quickly when he saw it was me. “Bethany,” he stood up. “Hey.”

“Hi,” I walked in, closing the door gently behind me. “Can we – um – can we talk?” The knowing what to say when I saw him hadn’t exactly worked. My mind was racing right now.

“Yeah, definitely,” he inclined me to sit on his bed. I took a deep breath, and walked over, taking a seat. He sat down next to me. “So what can I do for you?”

I sighed and looked at him. “Joe, you know how – um – I know I said I wanted to be with Nick – and the whole Tinsley thing – and I just –“ I stopped. All the wrong words were coming out. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence. I took a deep breath, and tried to start over. “There’s the—“ It wasn’t working.

Joe reached over, and gently touched my cheek. “Calm down Bethany. Take a deep breath. This is me. Don’t be nervous. You can tell me you just killed Nick, and I’ll be totally fine with it. Okay, not fine. But you could still tell me.” His face turned still for a second. “You didn’t kill Nick, did you?”

I shook my head confusedly. Where did he get that from?

He sighed in relief. “That’s good, cause I don’t know how I’d react.”

I glared at him. “That doesn’t really help.”

He laughed. “Just kidding. But seriously, what’s going on? This is me, you know.”

I looked at him. He was right. It was Joe, the person I had sent emails back and forth to for 10 years, the person who knew me better than I knew myself, the person who had told me how at home he felt with me, the person who had given me his heart and asked me for mine, the person who I loved so much and so unconditionally. This was my other half, my soul mate. Remembering that made this easier. “I love you,” I said firmly. “I love you, and I want to be with you and only you.”

He stared at me for a second, comprehending what I was saying. He didn’t say anything for a long time, just staring at me, a weird look in his eyes.

I sighed nervously. “Say something please.”

“What about Nick?” he asked.

I couldn’t help but feel a little shocked. “He um – he understands. He wants me to be happy, and you make me happy.”

“And Tinsley?” he asked.

I cringed for two reasons. One was that the question made me feel miserable about myself. What was I doing to Tinsley? Not two days had passed since she passed away and here I was, trying to get the man she loved? And the other reason was that this was harder than I expected. Wasn’t Joe just supposed to be ecstatic and sweep me off my feet in some passionate kiss? Why was he making this difficult? “I – I thought you wanted to be with me too,” I whispered.

He took a deep breath. “Beth, I love you. You know I do. But there are so many obstacles. Too many have been placed in our way. What if they’re all trying to tell us we don’t belong together? What if our love fantasy is just that – a fantasy?”

I looked at him. “I – I love you Joe. That’s not a fantasy.”

“But the fact still remains the same Bethany. We’ve been put up against too much. Giving in – it doesn’t feel right,” he said. I felt my heart starting to break. What was he saying? I asked him that. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know. I love you, but I feel like I shouldn’t b able to have you.”

I put my hand on his cheek. “Joe, you told me that you always felt home with me. Did you mean that?”

He nodded slowly, probably wondering where I was going with this.

“I always told you that home is where the heart is,” I whispered, afraid to go louder in case my voice broke. “And your heart has been with me for 10 years Joe. But mine? You’ve had mine since as long as I can remember. There was never anybody for me as much as you. We – we belong together. And sure, we’ve had obstacles. But clearly, if I’m here, practically begging you to take me, we have passed them all. And no matter how many more come, we’ll pass those too. As long as I have you, I don’t care. I know we can beat anything.”

Again he didn’t say anything, just staring at me. I felt rejection flood over me. He didn’t want me anymore. For whatever reason, this wasn’t going to happen. I felt myself breaking again.

But then he reached over, and gently grabbed my chin. He leaned over, and gently his lips met mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his own wrapped around my waist. He deepened the kiss, as my hands moved up to his head, my fingers becoming entangled in his hair. We stayed like this for I don’t know how long, but when he finally pulled away, it still felt too soon. “You make quite a speech,” he smirked at me. “Ever thought about going into politics?”

I laughed. “America is not ready for me to have power yet.”

He laughed too. “Well then I guess you’ll have to be happy with just making them for me.” He kissed me lightly again. We leaned back on the bed, my head resting on his chest as he gently ran his hand over my hair over and over again soothingly. A smile was planted on my face, and I had a feeling it wasn’t going anywhere right now. Joe was mine as much as I was his.