Hit the Lights, You'll Be Alright

Her.

She had waited for him.
She wanted to keep waiting for him.
But she knew she wasn't being fair to herself.

So she stops waiting.

She packs her stuff.

Writes a letter.

And leaves.

Him.

He had left without a word of goodbye.
Nor did he leave with a word of I won't be back.
But he was coming home.
With ring in tow.

He chose her.

He always chose her.

Her.

She places her last bag in the car.
Her heart breaks with each second passed,

For each bag in her car,

For each day missed,

For each kilometer driven,

And for the empty passenger seat beside her.

But she knows it's for the best.
It has to be.

Him.

He leaves all his bags in the car.
His heart races with each second,

For each anticipated smile,

For the comfort found only in her arms,

For the ring in his pocket,

And for her, always for her.

He opens the door.
He calls her name.
He receives no answer.
He walks into the living room.
Only to find a heart wrenching sight.
In place of what used to be a picture of her was a letter.
And it was addressed to him.

Her.

She stops at the side of the highway.
She had to.
The tears were starting to interfere.
She pounds on the steering wheel.

Out of frustration,

Out of anger,

Out of weakness,

Out of heartbreak.

She all but collapses into a sobbing heap in the driver's seat.
Her body shakes,
And her lips tremble,
Tears are streaming down her face.
But she never makes a sound.

Him.

He walks slowly towards the letter.
He had to.
He didn't want to know what the letter held.
But he had to.
He needed to.

He reaches the letter.
Slowly opens it, and reads the first line.

The letter falls to the floor.

Just in time for his knees to do the same.

The ring falls out of his pocket.
He places his hands on the floor to steady himself.
Teardrops fall on the paper which he held not too long ago.
He was at fault.
He made her leave and he didn't even know it.

Her.

She now lives alone.
Her house is cold and dreary opposed to what it was in the past.
The only permanent tenant is herself.
Boyfriends come and go.
Friends are non-existent.
She thought this would be better.
She's not so sure of that anymore.
She's not so sure if she wants him back.
But only because she's unsure of whether or not he'd return the favour.
She's not so sure if she can risk the heartbreak again.
She's not so sure of anything.
That's a lie though, because she is sure of one thing.

She hates herself for what she did.

Him.

He now lives alone.
His house during the day is filled with laughter and smiles.
But when night falls, the only company he gets are his drunken one night stands.
And maybe once in a blue moon his drunken friends.
He has chosen his guitar as his best friend.
And then there's Alex.
There was always Alex.
But he would never understand.
No one would ever understand.
Except her.
She would.
But he wouldn't tell her.
Because she's the other half to this somber scene.
Her and that letter.
That letter that he reads when he misses her.
Which makes it almost daily.
He wants her back.
But he's not sure if she would return the favour.
He's sure of a lot of things now.
But one thing that's prominent;

He hates himself for what he did.

The Letter.

My dearest Jacky-poo [LAWL]

Hey JackAttack<3

By now you've probably [hopefully] realized that I'm gone... & I'm not coming back. This is a good thing, trust me on it. However. I won't say it wasn't you, because then I'd be completely shitting you. But I won't say it was all you either. [The majority was though =P]

Let's get this fact straight first though. I love you, Jack. I really really do. But I'm a strong believer in [& you know this because I was so bloody annoying with it] "In order to truly love someone unconditionally, you must love yourself first." And by staying, I'm doing everything but loving me. All those girls, all that drinking, all those one-night stands... & I was right here. I was always right here. Sure, you chose me sometimes. But every other time that I was pushed aside, I felt like shit. I felt like I was doing something wrong or something along those stupid lines. Here I was, handing my heart[+] on a silver platter... & I got but a sliver of yours in return. It wasn't fair, Jack, and I think you know that.

It's funny, now that I look back at it. Well... part of it is funny. Because looking back at all of those girls and one-night stands you had, I'm certain that I can tell you each and every name. I bet you even now you can't remember all of them. I did. I still do. Because I care. I was the only one that cared, Jack. The only one who actually thought that you were something for the long run, and not just for the night. I was the one showing up in the mornings to get you water and asprin, the one cleaning up your messes from the nights before, the one getting them out of the house before you woke up. The last one was mostly because I'm selfish; I wanted you to see me first. I wanted you to see me first the morning after a hell-night. Because I was waiting for you to care. But you never realised. I remember, that one morning you actually asked if we had sex. Oh, how I wanted to say yes. How I wanted to agree that I was the one you drunkenly paid attention to all night long. But I couldn't. I couldn't lie to you like that. I couldn't lie to myself like that. It just wasn't fair.

Please, darling. Don't cry. You'll be fine. You'll accept this and move on. You and the rest of All Time Low will get popular worldwide and become famous rockstars and you'll have tonnes and tonnes of teeny boppers screaming your name =P Just like you've always wanted. Your dream will come true. I've never told you this, but one of the nights that you chose me as your midnight entertainment I woke up from a dream. It was that I left you. I packed all my stuff and left. But you were okay with it. & you were smiling. Just like usual. You're Jack Bassam Barakat, there's not one fucking moment you're not. But I can see behind that smile Jack. I can see the loneliness and sadness that lies underneath. I always saw it. I always saw you. But without me you'll be happy Jack. I don't know when, but I know you'll be. Because I have faith in you, Jack. I'm certain that you'll go on and succeed and become better than both of us combined could ever be. Get on the fucking pedestal, Jack, and never tremble. Never ever fucking tremble.

I've got one last thing [& knowing me, it'll turn into a paragraph] to say to you.

Hit the lights, you'll be alright.
Tonight our dreams come true.

I love you Jack Bassam Barakat.
& I always will.
But for now, I have to learn to love myself first.

<3 Kelsey.