Memories Won't Let Me Cry

Memphis' POV

DISHONORABLE DISCHARGE.

That's what was written on my Army release papers. One little mishap...a little mistake of not following order's from my commander landed me these fucking papers with an [X] beside Dishonorable Discharge. I acted on instinct...what I was trained to do...and yet I was still considered wrong.

What had I done? During an attack on our camp, I had escaped being held captive by the enemy and saw a way to help free my fellow brothers from being killed....but my commander told me to wait on assistance...I didn't. I shot down at least 8 enemy soldiers and was able to untie and free my squad from being put to death! This not going over to well with my commander seeing as I had never acted on instinct when he had given me the orders not too...but if I would have in fact waited...all of my squad, all 4 of my closest friends, would have been killed right before my eyes. I am not one to stand back and watch that happen...any red blooded American Solider understands where I'm coming from! Or so I thought...

My commander, Robert G. Whitehurst, said that it was a shame that I was such a disappointment. I was his croner, the one to show all the guys up since I had out lasted every female squad leader by re-enlisting after my original 2 years was up...now my years in the US Army had added up to 6 years and I was released 3 weeks shy of turning 24.

I can't say that I myself wasn't disappointed. I had put my heart and soul into the US Army…becoming the youngest female as a Lieutenant. I had made my family proud of me and I too had become proud of who I was! But now as I sit on this flight back to Washington, DC I am having second thoughts about just what pride is. My pride had been crushed...I felt so small. I was a US Soldier...trained to kill or be killed...and now I was nothing! Just another US citizen that had served as help in the war, fought to protect our freedom and liberty, and now I was almost forgotten by those that I considered family over in Iraq because my superior didn't think I was right for doing what I did. They could all go to hell.

You must be wondering who the hell I am? Well I'll enlighten you...my name is Memphis Jean Sanders and right now I'm 23 years old. I am the youngest of 3 and the only girl. I was raised in the beautiful sunny state of California by two of the most loving and caring parents you could have ever imagined having, Trisha and Heath Sanders. I shared them with two older siblings, my eldest brother Travis Sanders and the middle child Matthew Sanders. I had been protected by them both while growing up in Huntington Beach and they also taught me how to protect myself, along with my father's help. When I made up my mind to join the US Army, my family all did their damndest to try and force me to reconsider...but I wanted to prove that I was capable enough to survive on my own without the older, domineering brothers I had! I wanted to prove that I wasn't just the kid sister to Travis or Matt that would go to NYU on an art scholarship, graduate and come back to Huntington and marry my High School sweetheart just like my parents had hoped. I wasn't made that way and I was determined to prove it. I thought I had because the last time I was home, which was probably around 3 years ago, my mom and dad where very proud of me and my brother's couldn't have been happier for me…well one of those brothers.

My eldest brother Travis had went to college on a baseball scholarship and had also taken computer classes while in school and had graduated top of his class. He was now 27 and owned his own computer store right on the outskirts of Huntington. He did good for himself and had also settled down with his college love, I think I remember her name being Samantha. No kids from what I remember but since I hadn't really spoken to him in about 3 years I could be wrong.

My other brother Matt was also doing awesome from himself and I knew this cause he was all most of my fellow soldiers talked about. His little band was now huge and had made an even bigger name for themselves since I had been in Huntington last. He had started the band when he was in his junior year in high school with all his closest friends. You would've never figured that the shitty little band that rocked my parent's garage everyday after school would become the most talked about band in the US! I remember how we came up with the name for the band just like it was yesterday. Matt wanted to call it Lips of Deceit and as bad ass as that sounded...it just didn't fit them! So one day after dinner he and I pulled out the bible and he wrote down some cool names and Avenged Sevenfold emerged! Of course he took all responsibility for coming up with the name but oh well...memories to him really didn't matter unless they where all about him and his band mates getting drunk and being on a stage. He had forgotten that he and I used to be inseparable up until the day I told him I had been accepted into the United States Army...then he started ignoring me. So much for him being older than I when he acted like a fucking child.

I had yet to call my parents and tell them that I was returning home. I didn't want them to get all excited and call up the family so I could come home and burst their little bubble about me being dishonorably discharged! My mom and dad would be destroyed and I knew Matt and Trav would get a huge kick out of it seeing as they thought I wouldn't make it anyways! But more than anything...I just didn't want anyone to find out that I had failed. I had a big issue about failure...we weren't the best of friends! I hated failing so I rarely ever did it! Thus making me the "goody goody" of my family and group of friends. Yes I did do wild and spontaneous things before I ventured into the Army...but I was just a kid doing what kids do! There comes a time for a person to grow up and I had...faster than any of my friends and the sad thing was...they also looked down on me for it! My own boyfriend...my everything...broke up with me when I told him I had gotten accepted into the Army! Breaking my heart while he told me I would never make it or survive! But what could I expect coming from one of my brothers best friends and band mates right?

I did have one person who believed in me though...one person who I still wrote too and they would actually write me back...sending me pictures and letting me know how everyone was! My best friend Corie. She was standing right beside me when I enlisted, when I opened my acceptance letter, when I got on that plane for boot camp, when I re-enlisted, and when I got back on the plane to leave. She had never left me! But what did sadden me about her was the fact that she was till with her High school love and my ex-boyfriends other best friend. She wouldn't leave him for the world and all of us knew that, just as he wouldn't let her go if his life depended on it!

I sighed as I stood after the plane had landed in DC. I walked off the plane and held tightly to the strap on my shoulder bag. I wasn't afraid to be back in the real world...but I was nervous...I hadn't been without a gun or some sort of protection in 6 years...how would you be feeling?

I walked over to the baggage claim and picked up my one duffel bag looking around. The flight for Huntington didn't leave for another 30 minutes so I had time to make some phone calls. I walked toward the pay phones and dug into my pocket for my change. I sighed as I sat my duffel bag down and then reached in my shoulder bag pulling out my journal that held all the phone numbers to those back home that still mattered to me. I flipped through it and smiled as I came across her number. I quickly placed my money in the phone and dialed the number. I looked around at the airport at the travelers as I listened to the phone ringing. I sighed after the 6th ring...she wasn't home. I was about to hang up when I heard her pick the phone up out of breath.

"Hello?"

"Well hot stuff what have you been doing?" I asked.

"Huh?" Was her response.

"Out of breath for some reason there Grunter!" I smiled as I called her by her old nickname.

"Memphis?" she asked.

"Well it ain't Sharon Osbourne!"

"Funny...so you actually got to make a phone call? Damn that's a first!" she replied.

"Well...not really..." I replied as I bit my bottom lip, suddenly finding the tile floor interesting.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I'm not in Iraq anymore Corie," I replied.

"Oh...so where are you? Spain? Paris?" she asked.

"No...I'm in DC."

"Virginia?" she asked.

"Yeah.."

"Meeting with Mr. Bush or something?" she asked. "OH...or are you on another assignment?"

"No," I chuckled at her eagerness to figure out why I was back in the US.

"Well you and I both know I hate games Memphis...I was never a patient person!"

"Well...I'm getting ready to board a flight in about..." I looked at the clock on the wall. "20 minutes."

"To?" she asked causing me to smile.

"I'm coming home, Corie." I held the phone away from my ear as she let out a squeal, causing people to turn looking my way as they passed. I shrugged at them with a small smile as I placed the phone back to my ear, "Grunter calm down. Shit."

"This is amazing...you actually get time off to come home and visit! I can't wait to call your mom...or have you called them?" she ranted.

"No.." I replied lowly.

"What? Why?" she asked.

"Core...it's not as simple as I'm coming home for a visit...it's more like I'm coming home for good!" I replied.

"Your time was up or you just didn't re-enlist again?" she asked.

"I was discharged. Corie," I replied, the sadness evident in my voice as I looked down.

"Oh Mems...I'm sorry...why?" she asked.

"Well...I didn't obey orders from my superior and well...that was my first and last time...they discharged me...a big fucking X beside Dishonorable Discharge and I did them a favor by saving my men from getting shot! All those fucking years Corie...my life...wasted!" I replied, tears forming in my eyes.

"How can they do that to you? All you've fucking done for them..." she replied.

"I don't know but they did!" I replied sniffling.

"Oh Mems, are you crying?" she asked, her voice practicly breaking too.

I rarely cried. My last time of letting tears fall was when my boyfriend broke up with me when I told him about me leaving for boot camp. Crying was considered a weakness in my eyes and that of the US Army's. Soldiers don't cry...so therefore I never cry; but sometimes it's hard not too!

"I'm just so fucking bummed at myself Corie...how could I let this happen?" I replied wipping the freash tears from my cheeks.

"Honey you did nothing wrong!" she replied.

"But they said I did...Corie I've always obeyed orders...always!"

"Honey it's their fault...they let go of the best fucking US Soldier...you and I both know it!" she replied.

"Corie who are you talking too?" I heard her boyfriend's voice reply.

"Why didn't you tell me he was there?" I asked.

"Hun...their all here...and they just heard me say US Soldier and they are looking at me weird!" she replied in a whisper.

"Fuck," I replied.

I leaned my head against the pay phone and closed my eyes. Great...now they all knew and I didn't want that to happen!

"Flight # 218 to Huntington Beach, California is now boarding at gate # 127!" the lady announced over the intercom.

"Their calling you flight!" she replied.

"I heard," I replied lowly.

"Can I please tell them...they really want to know?" she asked.

"Just tell them who your talking too...but don't tell them anything else!" I replied with a sigh.

"OK.." she sighed, "Guy's It's Memphis...she's coming home!"

"No shit?" I heard Jimmy's voice reply.

"After 3 damn years?" Zacky commented.

"Has she called mom and dad?" Matt replied and I froze.

"She doesn't have time...their calling for her to board her flight home right now!" Corie replied.

"Anyone picking her up from the airport?" Brain asked.

FUCK...HE'S THEIR TOO?? This can not be happening to me.

"I guess I am" Corie replied and they called the final boarding call for my flight.

"Corie I really have to go...I'll call you when I land ok?" I asked.

"Please do...I cant wait to see you Mems...it's been too long!" she replied.

"I know...Hate" I replied.

"Hate" she replied.

"WAIT" I heard yelled as I was about to hang up the phone.

I took a deep breath and held it to my ear as his voice came on the phone.

"Mems?" Brian's voice asked.

My eyes went wide, my heart raced and I knew my breathing had stopped. I hadn't spoken to him since I was 18...what the hell did he want? He swore he would never talk to me again...and I intended to keep it that way.

"I know your there" he whispered.

"I have to go or I'll miss my flight!" I replied as I regained my voice.

"Can we talk when you get back?" he asked.

"Goodbye Brian" I replied before hanging up on him.

I grabbed my bags and quickly ran to board my flight back home. Thoughts raced through my mind as of why Brian wanted to talk to me now? After all these years of him hating me...something had to be up.

Huntington here I come!

Nerves where something the human body could've easily functioned without....right? I mean without nerves you'd never have to worry about getting nervous! C'mon the perfect solution was to not place them in our body...way to go there God!

As I sat on a bench outside of the Huntington Beach airport I couldn't help but be nervous. I was back home...which wasn't all that bad but...it still wasn't all that good.

For one, I hadn't told my parents I was home or the reason why I was home. I knew that I would have to eventually and even though I kind of knew they would understand...I was still nervous. I had always been the perfect daughter to a certain point...I didn't want my parents to get disappointed in me.

And second...I didn't know where I was gonna stay. Yes I had money that the Army had given me for all the years I'd been enlisted. But did I really want to buy a house in my hometown? Yes it was a beautiful place to live and grow up...but...I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend the rest of my life here.

Lastly, I was still confused as to why Brian wanted to talk to me after all these years. The last time we had spoken to each other it ended in us fighting, both crying because of me leaving. I knew it had hurt him to let me join the Army but it hurt me to leave him behind and to have him break my heart by breaking up with me. That's what turned me against him for all these years.