Memories Won't Let Me Cry

"Are you ok?" Brian asked as his hand grazed my cheek.

It wasn't the first time that Andrew had hit me and it probably wouldn't be the last. I had gotten used to the feel of his hits. That one wasn't as bad as most of the others, but it still hurt like hell and I knew I would have a bruise in the morning.

"I'm fine...I've had worse" I replied as I leaned into his touch more causing him to smile slightly.

"From him?" he asked as his thumb rubbed over the mark I'm sure was there.

"Mostly" I replied as I took his free hand in mine and sighed, looking in his eyes. "Brian...I
need you to know some things that may make or break anything we may have between us in the future!"

"What do you mean?" he asked, staring intently into my blue eyes.

"There's a lot about me that you and everyone else don't know."

"Tell me" he whispered.

"You have to understand...I want to! God do I want to...but I don't think I can handle telling it
right now!" I replied.

"Is it really that bad?" he asked, worry in his every word.

"To me it is." I replied, feeling tears welling up.

"Mems...what is it? What happened?" he replied now wrapping me in his arms.

How could I just come right out and say it? There was so much I needed to tell everyone about how my life was in the Army and why I was home. My life in the Army in the beginning sucked ass and I wanted nothing more than to come home...but should I really tell them why? My family would be crushed and Brian would want to fly to Iraq and kill somebody! Then there was this whole ordeal about my discharge. That's what was killing me the most.

"Nothing" I replied as I breathed in his scent.

"Don't lie to me please" he replied.

"Brian...please don't make me tell you!" I replied as I pulled back from his arms.

"I'm not gonna make you tell me...but I want to know Memphis." he replied.

I sighed and nodded before I looked around to see what was going on around me. Matt and Lyndsey where wrapped up in each other laughing and talking, while Zacky chased Corie around in a circle screaming, "TAKE IT BACK" for some odd reason. Jimmy and Johnny sat in chairs talking amongst themselves, Jimmy with his cell phone up to his ear. My eyes wondered back to my brother and how he held Lyndsey so delicately in his arms. I knew he loved her, which made me smile.

"So you like her?" Brian asked.

"Huh?" I asked turning my attention back to him.

"Lyndsey...do you like her?" he asked with a smile.

"Yea I do. I mean she is so sweet...but different from Val in so many ways!"

"She isn't Val by a long shot." Brian replied lowly, I guess trying not to let me hear but I had.

"What do you mean?" I asked looking at him.

"Huh?" he asked causing me to chuckle.

"What do you mean she's not Val by a long shot?" I replied nudging him, which caused him to wrap his arms around me.

"She is like Val in some ways...like her sweetness and kindness...but she isn't as manipulating as Val was. She doesn't get too jealous of Shads you know?"

"What do you mean? I never remember Val being manipulating." I replied honestly.

"Uh...so...heard Matt told you about Lyndz loosing the baby?" he changed the subject quickly.

"Yea...I just cant believe they have went through so much together in that short amount of time Brian!"

"Matt met her through Cameron. Cameron knew her through some of their friends and Matt instantly felt connected with her. She just had this laugh that would turn your frowns upside down! They have been inseparable since that night. Matt adores her Mems. I think he loves her more than he ever loved Val because with her...he can talk about anything. He asks her advice on everything and they rarely keep anything from the other." he sighed and leaned his head on top of mine. "Mems, she's kind of like you in a way to us. She is our rock now. We can go to her for anything and know we won't get judged for it. She became our best girlfriend!"

"You guys really love her huh?" I asked.

"Like we love you and Corie. It wouldn't be the same without her now!" he replied kissing the top of my head which caused me to smile.

I stood there loving the feeling of being in Brian's arms. I was caught in something though. Why had Brian said those things about Val? Her being manipulating! I knew he wasn't telling me something and even worse I was wanting to know so badly what it was. Did Matt know something as well that he wasn't telling me?

"YO SEVEN-NUTS!" I heard the all too familiar voice of Cameron reply from the patio doors.

I turned and smiled as I saw him. Cameron Rackem was one of my closest friends while growing up. He was so crazy...never giving a fuck about anything! I loved him like I loved Matt and Travis and he was forever apart of our family!

"Cameron!" I shouted and he smiled and ran toward me.

"He ain't stealing you from me!" Brian replied tightening his arms around me. "No way!"

"Please don't fight over me!" I replied.

"Hand her over Gates!" Cameron replied as he stopped in front of Brian and I.

"Not on your life Rackem!" Brian replied.

"Do it or I'll shoot your cat!" Cameron replied causing me to gasp.

"No worries Mems...I have no cat so bring it bitch!" Brian replied as he stared at Cameron.

I knew what was coming. They had done it so many times before when Brian and I where together back in the day. They would play Memphis Tug-O-War and I hated it!

"MATT!" I screamed just as it began.

Cameron had an arm and Brian had an arm and I was being pulled back and forth like Gumbie. Oh God I was starting to feel sick.

"MATT! CORIE…" I screamed knowing they would save me. "DADDY!" the next best thing!