Memories Won't Let Me Cry

The drive to Brian's was pretty uneventful. The silence was unbearable and I knew Brian was dying to say something but couldn't find the words. I was in the same boat. I knew there was so much that Brian and I needed to talk about but it was the simple fact that I was scared to let some of it out. The simple things flooded me like, how would he react...how could I explain them...

"This is me" he replied as he parked his car outside of rather large white house.

It was so beautiful it made my mouth hang open. My mind flooded back to those days when I used to describe my dream home to Brian. I couldn't believe he actually did it! He either had it built or had turned this house into my dream.

"Brian..." I got out before he chuckled lowly.

"Get out and take a closer look!" he replied and opened his car door getting out.

I opened the door and climbed out of the passenger side of Brian's car, admiring this masterpiece in front of me. It was two stories and it had the big picture window in the front like I had always pictured in my mind. I smiled big as I wondered if it had the wooden floors like I so wanted...and the pool...and the spare room where I could draw...a room for his guitars?

"How the hell did you find this?" I asked looking at him.

"Well it was your vision right?" he asked with a slight smile.

"But Brian...you never knew if I was coming back home or not!" I replied.

"Memphis...none of that shit mattered to me. Drawing the floor plans for this place brought you back to me in some weird way. Watching your dream home being built was truly something to me!" he replied, his eyes glued to mine.

"It didn't hurt you?" I asked.

"Fuck yea it did. The guys made their little remarks about me wasting my time but I always knew I wasn't. This was my way of showing you that you still mattered to me!" He looked at the house and sighed. "Cost me a pretty penny but hey...you're worth it!"

"Brian this is your house!" I looked at it as well. "It's beautiful...don't get me wrong...but you deserve it."

"We deserve it!" he shot out looking at me.

I looked down then sighed before looking around the neighborhood. I bet he had some stiff ass neighbors. I bet the guys lived for pissing them off to the best of their ability.

"So...you wanna see the inside?" he asked as he pulled some keys out of his pocket.

"Uh...sure" I replied.

He smiled and led the way to the front door of the house. Thoughts raced through my head of what could happen today between us. What Brian would want to know and just how much I was willing to share. I did know I was gonna get to the bottom of this Michelle shit. It was eating away at me and I knew sooner or later I would snap on Brian!

He stood to the side and let me walk in first and I was taken aback by the beauty. It was just as I had dreamt. Wooden floors...spacious rooms...nice smell which was surprising. But as I looked around the walls my smile faded when my eyes began falling on pictures of Brian with Michelle. I just wanted to turn and walk out but I wouldn't give Michelle that satisfaction. I knew she wanted nothing more than to try and ruin what me and Brian could possibly develop again. But that was the thing...would there be anything between us again? I was still married and from what Val and Michelle had said...Brian was still seeing Michelle.

"So...what do you think?" he asked bringing me outta my thoughts.

"Oh...it's gorgeous Brian" I replied and placed my hands in my pockets.

"But?" he asked as he tossed the keys onto the table in the hall.

"Nothing" I replied and slowly walked toward the living room, looking over every detail in the paint.

"Don't give me that shit Mems...I know you better than that!" he replied which caused me to turn my attention to him. "Tell me please?"

"Nice pictures" I replied looking around the living room. My eyes fixed on a picture of him in Michelle's embrace.

"Yea...the guys are nuts. My favorite by far is the one over there with Rackem and his girl!" Brian replied with a slight smile as he pointed away from me eyes.

"What's going on with you and Michelle Bri?" I asked and his eyes instantly found mine.

"Nothing" he replied, and his face held honesty.

"What's with the fucking pictures then?" I asked.

"Well...I'm not gonna lie to you Mems." he sat on the arm of the couch and looked at me. "I was seeing her...had been off and on for about a year. But what I thought was something that could potentially turn into love...was just bullshit!"

"What do you mean?" I asked interested.

"She doesn't feel. She has no emotion." He replied and stood. "Bitch doesn't have a soul."

"I could've told you that." I replied.

"Yea...Jimmy said the same thing." he said and stretched a little. "Thirsty?"

"Yea" I replied.

He walked toward the kitchen, me on his heels thinking of what else I could say. As we entered the kitchen I smiled when I saw the marble counter tops. He hadn't lied when he said he had built this house from his memory. God...this guy must not forget anything.

"So What will it be?" he asked as he opened the fridge door.

"What do you have?" I asked as I sat on one of the stoles and leaned my weight on the counter.

"Hmm...water, OJ, AJ, beer, wine, coke, diet coke and milk." he named off.

"Water's fine" I replied.

"Seriously?" he asked looking at me with a raised brow.

"Yes...I happen to like water Brian" I replied with a slight chuckle.

"Wow...ok" he replied as he pulled out two bottles of water.

He sat in the stole across from me and slide one bottle to me and kept the other for himself.

"Thanks" I replied as I opened the water and began taking in my surroundings as I sat there.

I could feel Brian's eyes on me and that made my stomach do flips. Brian had always had an effect on me. One that I loved! I could honestly say that he was truly the only man that I loved. Yes I had to love Andrew some...enough to marry him. But with what had happened to me back in the Army and how Andrew helped me...it seemed like the right thing to do. I now knew that I was wrong in thinking so.

"So...do you not drink anymore?" he asked finally breaking anouther bit of uncomfortable silence.

"Rarely. I just don't see the need to get drunk every night." I replied looking at him.

"Way to make me feel loved!" he replied before taking a sip of his water.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well to be honest about it...I drink every night. I have every night since you left the first time. You know...for boot camp?" he replied.

"Why?" I asked as my heart sank more.

"I had to find a way to deal with the pain of loosing you" he replied.

"Brian..." I started as I shifted slightly. "I just don't get it. If you cared that much...why did you break up with me and let me leave knowing that we where on bad terms?" I asked.

"Honestly...I've asked myself the same damn thing time and time again...year after year...and I cant seem to answer it." he replied looking at his water bottle.

"Don't you think you ought to be able to answer it?" I asked.

"I believe I can...it's the simple fact that I don't know how you'll handle it." he replied looking back toward me.

"I can handle honesty...I've always been able to."

"Well then...since you put it that way..." he replied and sighed as he leaned his weight onto his elbows and continued looking into my eyes. "Memphis...I was intimidated by the fact that
you didn't need me. You never really did. I knew one day you would open up your eyes and realize you didn't need to lean on me for everything. The guys could even see it!"

"Brian I was so young and needed someone to lean on!" I replied.

"Not for everything. Mems...you never stood on your own two feet because we where always running to do shit for you. Yes that's what we where suppose to do because you and Corie where our only girls...but I think we took for granted that we could always do that. I always knew that you where tough and you just proved it to me quicker." he replied.

"But how's that reason enough to break my heart because I wanted to go into the Army?" I asked.

"The feeling of loosing your only rock is hard. Did I want to be so cold? Never...especially not to you! I felt that you where gonna leave me behind and find some Army asshole who could do things better than me. Treat you better than I could." he replied.

"I would've never done that and I put my hand on a bible. You meant everything to me and to have you break my heart like that only made me put my wall up even higher." I replied.

"Must've not been too high!" he shot out.

"What the hell does that mean?" I asked.

"That asshole Andrew found his way into it somehow." he replied harshly.

"Well what about you shit for brains? C'mon...Michelle? Val's sister? What the fuck Brian? She was my friend in school! And what happened to the I will always love you and I will never date your friends if something where to happen between us?"

"Mems..." he started.

"No Brian...it was all bullshit and you know it!" I replied.

"What do you want me to say Memphis?" he shout out, throwing his arms wide. "I've told you all I could, I've been completely honest about everything! But your the one whose hiding shit from me!"

His response caused me to gasp. Yes that may be somewhat true but...he didn't have to know that!

"I'm hiding shit from you? What are you..." I began but he cut me off.

"Stop fucking pussy-footing around Memphis! I know you and I happen to know you better than you know yourself! I know that you're fucking hiding something for me and it's not right. I was honest with you now be honest with me!"

I stared at him with my mouth agape, heart pounding and mind racing. I couldn't tell him yet...it was way to soon for me to just let it out because he was dying to know!

"Why can't you just tell me the truth? Why can't you be fucking honest with me?" he asked.

"I don't have to explain myself to you because I have no clue what you're talking about! And I don't have to deal with this and I refuse to!" I replied as I stood from the stool and started leaving the kitchen. "Thanks for the water"

"Memphis...just wait..."

"I have to go Brian. I-I'll see you later!" I replied and quickened my pace toward the front door as I heard his stool slide across the tile flooring in the kitchen.

"Memphis, fucking stop!" he snapped as he ran after me.

He grabbed my arm and spun my to face him just as my hand was nearing the door knob on the front door. I stared up at him speechless. Getting lost in those deep brown eyes just as I use to. His eyes searched my face for something that would give him a hint as to what I couldn't tell him. I shivered slightly as his hand slowly slid up my arm before his hand found it's way to my cheek. I shook my head trying to rid myself from his touch that way I wouldn't fall prey to his sexiness.

"Mems..." he whispered as he leaned toward me slightly.

"Brian I can't.."

But all the words I was trying to get out died as he leaned down and gently brushed his lips against mine. He pulled back slightly and looked back into my eyes before his lips captured mine in a hard heated kiss that he and I had obviously been waiting a long time for. I couldn't help myself...I gave in and began kissing back. Savoring every second of our lips together.

His hands found my hips where he pulled my body into his roughly, causing my to whimper slightly into the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck as the kiss deepened, our tongues now battling for dominance over the others. As hungry as this kiss was and probably looked like...it was full of love. A love that we both had been dying to get back...but just didn't know how to get back to this point.

But the thoughts of Michelle and Andrew came flooding back into my mind. As much as I loved the feeling of Brian kissing me and his hands roaming my body the way they used to...I just couldn't shake the fact that this was wrong. I was a married woman and I had no clue where Brian and Michelle stood...

"Brian...are you insane?" I breathed out as I broke the kiss.

Both of us stood there gasping for air and staring intently into the others eyes. A small smile found it's way onto Brian's lips as he traced my bottom lip with his finger. As much as I tried to hide it...I knew I was smiling too.

"Memphis...I'm not insane I swear!" he replied causing me to chuckle.

"Neither am I!"

"Please...just...listen to me ok?" he asked and I nodded. "Mems...I love you and that's the bottom line. I can't live without you anymore. What that means is you'll have to let your guard down and fall for me once again!"

"I've never stopped falling Brian!" I replied and rubbed my nose against his. "But this is wrong."

"No it's not...I love you!" he replied.

"I'm married Brian."

"Not for long." he shot out. "I will kill that asshole if he comes near you again!"

"Brian..."

"Mems..." he mocked me with a smile.

"I love you" I replied.

He smiled and his lips met mine again in another mind blowing kiss. Yes...it was wrong because I was married but it was Almost Easy to forgive Brian because I knew I was meant to be with him. Things around here where about to become interesting...and it was gonna be one hell of a ride. An emotional roller coaster was brewing because I still had to confess something to not only Brian...but everyone! Could we survive it was the question now.