Memories Won't Let Me Cry

I sat there for a moment looking at her as her words sank in a bit more. Pregnant?

"Then why are you crying? You should be excited!" I replied with a slight smile.

"I know but...you don't understand." she replied with a small sob and looked down.

"Shit.." I wrapped my arms around her and rubbed her back as she laid her head on my shoulder and sniffled. "I'm sorry Lyndsey."

"Don't be. You didn't know." she replied lowly.

"Well tell me." I replied, wanting to hear it from her this time.

"September of last year...I was told I was 1 month along in pregnancy. I was scared shitless until I went to Jimmy's where the guys were having a Bar B Q for Cameron and his girl's anniversary. At first glance, Brian and Matt knew something was wrong and wouldn't leave me alone for shit until I broke down and screamed that Matt had knocked me up." I chuckled lightly but continued rubbing her back, encouraging her to continue. "I was scared because I thought Matt wasn't ready to be a father...and more so because I wasn't sure I was ready to be a mother. But he was happy Memphis! He was there for everything until my 4th month when they had to head back out on the road. He wanted me to come along but my doctor said no...and I kinda wanted to stay because my dad was in bad health. He had a bad heart and seeing as he was the last member of my family breathing I wanted to be here with him." She took a deep breath and hugged me a bit tighter, causing me to hold tighter to her. "My dad had a massive heart attack in the middle of my fifth month...he was outside in his beloved rocking chair...waiting on me to bring him his sweet tea...and I walked out and found him....dead! It broke my heart and put a massive amount of stress on me that the doctor had warned me that I didn't need. So...during the funeral...I started having pains and began bleeding. By the time we had gotten to the hospital...they couldn't find the baby's heart beat...meaning I had lost our baby! Matt and my baby boy were gone as well as my father!"

I held tighter to her, my own tears threatening to fall now. My heart was breaking just as hers was...like I was feeling her pain. It was bouncing off of her and soaring through me. I wanted so badly to just take her pain away…but how can you ever get rid of that pain? She had lost so much at one time...it was probably gonna haunt her for life. Just like the images of what had happened to me and my memories of having to kill while in the Army would be with me for the rest of my days on this earth!

"So...I'm scared Memphis. I don't want to break Matt's heart again by telling him I think I'm pregnant…and end up not or even worse losing this baby because I cant handle the least little bit of stress that fly's my way!" she sobbed out.

"You listen to me.." I replied and pulled away from her, lifting her chin so she had to look into my eyes. "Everything in this world happens for a reason. It might not seem that way because there is too much bad in this world. It is a cruel fucking place...but in the end there is so much good. What you and Matt have is part of that good Lyndsey. Nothing can break it if you believe in it. I know that you are scared…hell I would be too! But don't give up completely because you had a bad experience the first time you where pregnant. Maybe by loosing that first child…it was a way to make you stronger...your bond with Matt stronger that way when you got pregnant with the next child…you where truly ready for it. No doubts."

"Do you think he was disappointed in me?" she asked. "You know...when I lost the baby? Because Matt wanted to be a father so bad! And it killed me to know that his first child isn't here with him because I was unable to carry it!"

This broke my heart. This poor girl was beating the hell out of herself on the inside because she thought she had broken Matt's heart by not having his first child...when in reality it would've been his second son! I wanted so bad to just tell her...but I knew I couldn't! Matt needed to tell her and he would!

"Can you hang out here for a second baby girl?" I asked wiping her cheeks.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked sounding scared.

"No...I swear it! I just need to go grab something ok?" I leaned in hugging her. "I'm always here for you ok?"

"Thanks Memphis!" she replied before pulling away.

"Don't frown...you're too beautiful for that!" I replied as I stood, she smiled slightly before looking back out at the ocean.

I walked back into the house. As angry as I was I was battling with the fact if she was ready to handle hearing about Val and Blake. But it had to be told! She shouldn't be feeling this way when Matt was the one who was hiding something bigger than the fact that she maybe pregnant again!

I turned into the living room to see all the guys there now, including Corie and a mystery girl I had yet to meet who was sitting on Johnny's lap. They were laughing and talking as Jimmy wrote down things in a notebook. I smirked and walked in, my arms crossed as I stared daggers at Matt.

"Hey Mems...what's up?" Johnny asked causing all the guys eyes to turn on me.

"What's wrong Kid?" Matt asked as he saw my eyes.

"You get your ass out there and you tell her right now Matt!" I shot out at him.

"Tell her what? What's going on Memphis?" Matt asked with a worried look on his face as he stood, everyone else following.

"You get your ass out there and tell her about Val and Blake! So help me Matthew if you don't I will have no use for you at all!"

"Memphis I don't think she's ready for that yet." Brian replied.

"You know...while I'm standing in here with all of you assholes...it's time for you all to hear this! What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you say you love Lyndsey and are her friends and keep something that fucking big from her?" I looked around at all of them, and immediately there eyes where on the floor. "How fucking low is that? That poor girl is sitting out there crying her eyes out because she feels she let Matt down because she took the simple pleasure of having his first child away from him by losing it! But that's not the truth is it?" I grew angrier as no one would answer me. "IS IT?"

"Kid.." Matt choked out.

"NO! You need to march your ass out there and tell her right now that you have a son with Val! You need to come clean to her Matt or something is gonna wind up happening that none of us want to happen!" I replied.

"What do you mean?" Jimmy asked.

"He's gonna wind up losing her if he doesn't come clean!" I replied.

Matt looked down and took a deep breath before looking around at everyone again.

"I just can't ok?" he shot out.

"What the fuck Matt? You did this! You got into a relationship with her not knowing that Val was pregnant with your child, which was kinda low on Val's part! But when you found out that Val had your son...you visit him once every week, all your friends know...shit, mom and dad may even know…but yet you fail to tell the love of your life that you have a son with your ex girlfriend?" I shot out at him.

"WHAT?"

We all turned to see a very pissed off Lyndsey standing there looking at us. My heart was beating fast and I was now regretting being so loud when I was chewing Matt out. Oh god...this wasn't gonna be pretty!