Memories Won't Let Me Cry

It had been about 2 hours since Lyndsey had left and none of us had left Brian's house. Johnny had returned about 45 minutes later, stating that his girlfriend, whom he called Katie, had to get back to work. Since his return, the guys had been huddled in the living room watching their cell phones and Brian's house phone...in hopes she would call.

I had been sitting at the top of Brian's stairs for close to 30 minutes just thinking. If I wouldn't have been so loud none of this would've happened! And after being a witness to everything that had happened between Lyndsey and Matt...then Brian and Matt...I was feeling at my lowest. And then hearing that Lyndsey had started cutting after loosing Matt and her child was eating away at me. I didn't think she would start cutting again due to the fact that she thought she was pregnant again. But it still scared me because I had gone through the same things while growing up.

Not the whole pregnancy scare thing...never had I thought I was pregnant, maybe because mom took me to be put on birth control right after she found out about me dating Brian back in the day, boy was she ever smart sometimes. But the whole cutting situation...I had been through. No one had known...I kept it hidden. But I quit when I got into a relationship with Brian. I knew if they knew it would kill them the way it was killing them with Lyndsey! So that's why I kept my mouth closed.

"I don't think I've ever seen you so quiet!" Corie replied as she sat down beside me.

"Yea well...I've got a lot on my mind" I replied lowly as I leaned my head against the wall.

"Like?" she asked looking at me.

"Just a lot of shit" I replied.

"Well, I am your best friend so...care to share?" she asked.

"Have you told anyone about...you know?" I asked looking in her eyes.

"Your reason for coming home?" she asked which I nodded to. "No. You told me you didn't want me to. I figured you would when you where ready. Why?"

"I just feel bad about hiding it you know? These past few weeks...what Brian and I have shared has all been things that I have no problem telling him because I don't fear the reaction or the whole 'I told you so' scenario!" I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands.

"What makes you think Brian would be like that?" she asked.

"I don't know. I just have a feeling that I would get it from all the guys because they where all looking for me to fail in the beginning you know?" I looked back at her.

"Mems...everyone of them regrets how they treated you before you left! I know because I've been around those assholes!" she replied causing me to chuckle which caused her to smile. "Memphis...everyone makes mistakes...but in your case hunny you didn't! You where doing what they trained you to do and just because one of those top assholes didn't think of what you did first...they let you go!"

I looked at her, wanting to believe everything she was saying! But in all honesty...I couldn't. I felt kinda like Lyndsey was feeling...like a failure. All those years I put my life on the line for the US Army, doing whatever was asked of me and never doing otherwise...and I turned into this! Everyone of them over in Iraq would be ashamed of me! I was ashamed of myself for feeling this way...how could I?

Just as she was about to speak my cell went off causing us both to jump and gasp. I looked at Corie and smiled just as Brian came running in the hall looking up the steps.

"What's that...what the hell are yaw doing up there?" he asked causing us to chuckle.

"Chill Syn damn." Corie replied.

"That my dear is my cell phone!" I replied as I stood and got it out of my pocket and looked at the caller id not recognizing the number.

"Who is it?" Corie and Brian asked at the same time causing me to smile.

"Jeez mom and dad I don't know!" I replied before flipping my phone open. "Hello?"

"Memphis it's Lyndsey...please don't give me away ok?" she asked in a whisper.

"Hey...how ya been doing?" I covered up.

"I uh...kinda broke down!" she replied.

"What? How and where?" I asked keeping my smile as I watched Brian's face.

"My car ran out of gas...I knew I should've filled up yesterday. But...beside Val's." she replied.

"Oh god..." I whispered and looked down. "Uh...I'll come and look ok? Bring Corie with me cause you ain't seen her in years!"

"Thanks...and please...don't tell them..." she replied.

"You got it. Hold tight ok?"

"Ok...bye." she replied as I flipped my phone closed and stood.

"Who was that?" Brian asked.

"Jackie" I replied as I grabbed Corie's hand and descended the stairs.

"Jackie who?" he asked.

"What the hell Brian? Don't you trust me?" I asked getting a little ticked.

"Well I didn't know you knew anyone named Jackie Mems." he replied.

"You don't know a lot Brian!" I replied and pushed past him.

"Wait!" Zacky screamed and jumped up running toward the hall. "Where are you going with my girlfriend?"

"She is going to have made passionate gay sex with me and my lover Jackie." I replied looking at Brian before shaking my head and walking out.

"Oh...fair enough." Zacky replied and turned walking back into the living room.

I pulled Corie down the walk path, toward my car and sighed as I heard Brian jogging behind us. As I let go of Corie I was grabbed around the waist and turned to face him. He looked like he was about to cry and that made me feel bad.

"Mems...please don't be mad at me. I'm just fucking worried about Lyndsey and you know how I am about you!" he replied.

"I know everyone is worried about her Brian cause I am too. But don't act like my father...you got no right!" I replied and tried to pull away from him but he only help tighter.

"What's up with you? What do you mean?" he asked.

"You're not my boyfriend Brian." I replied...kicking myself afterwards as I saw his face.

"You're right....I'm not." he replied and leaned in kissing me before loosening his grip on me, "But I will be again."

I smiled and turned and got in my car, closing the door. I watched as he walked back into his house and sighed. I looked toward Corie who was smiling wide and sighed as she leaned her head back against the head rest on the seat.

"So...it was Lyndsey wasn't it?" she asked.

"Yea...glad you remembered the codename." I replied as I backed out and begin driving.

"So…where is she?" Corie asked.

"Uh...well...where does Val live?" I asked.

"Wait...no way?" Corie asked looking at me.

"Yea...she ran out of gas and just happened to be at Val's." I replied.

"Wow...ok…well...turn right up there!" Corie replied pointing.

I followed Corie's directions and sure enough we pulled up at Val's to see Lyndsey sitting on the hood of her car, running her hand over her stomach as she looked up at the stars. I sighed and looked at Corie and she smiled before rolling down her window.

"Hey hot stuff...need a lift?" Corie asked.

"How much you willing to pay?" Lyndz asked as she hopped off the hood of her car and walked over, climbing in the back seat.

"So babe...tell me...what happened?" I asked as I pulled off.

Lyndsey took a deep breath and before she looked toward us up front.