Memories Won't Let Me Cry

"Memphis...Memphis please open the door!" Brian was shouting on the other side of the cabin door which I had run in, locking the door after my entrance.

It wasn't easy to look my friends and family in the eye and let them know I was weak enough to be taken advantage of the way no female should be! I carried that burden with me all throughout my life and have never once been able to shake it. There's an old saying that states 'Time heals all wounds', but boy was it ever wrong.

If that was the case, I would have been fine in a matter of 6 to 8 months...when in reality...6 years after it had happened...I was still traumatized by it. For a long time after it had happened, I had dreams...nightmares about the whole situation. I had a big trust issue and as hard as it was to give in to Andrew, I felt I owed him my life for saving me from further harm. So I married him.

"Kid please..." Matt pleaded, his voice cracking letting me know he was crying just as I.

"Matt please...just let me be" I cried out, hugging my knees to my chest more.

"Memphis I love you and I want to comfort you. You don't need to be alone right now firefly" Matt replied again, using the nickname Jimmy had given me back in the day.

"I...I just feel so hopeless!" I sobbed out.

"Baby please open the door...please? I'm begging you!" Brian pleaded.

I sniffled loudly and looked at the door from my sitting position on the floor of the cabin. I didn't have enough motivation to make it to the couch or bed so...the floor had became my friend. I just didn't know what else to tell them...and I didn't want them looking at me.

"Kid...please..." Matt choked out, causing me to let out a whimper.

I reach my hand up and unlocked the cabin door before wrapping my arms around my knees again. I placed my forehead on my knees as the door flew open and two of the most important men in my life flew through it.

"Kid…" Matt choked out as he knelt in front of me, his arms instantly wrapping around my small frame, rocking me back and forth as we cried together.

We cried for what seemed like forever. My pain coming out through my tears and my brother's tears fell from the pain he too was feeling. Matt would kill if he knew I actually knew the guys that had did this to me. They had went to High School with all of us growing up...I even remembered there names...but I didn't want to make my situation worse.

"Mems" Brian whispered from his spot beside us.

I lifted my head from being buried in Matt's chest to look at the man who held my heart. His tears fell freely down his face and that broke my heart more. I sniffed and slid into his arms, keeping one of Matt's hands in my own, squeezing it tightly for his comfort.

"Sh…Baby you're here with us now. We're gonna help you!" Brian cooed to me.

"Yea Kid I swear on my life no one will ever hurt you like that again...Ever!" Matt promised as his thumb rubbed over my knuckles.

"I'm sorry guys" I breathed out as I leaned my head back against the wall.

"What? Mems, you did nothing wrong! Those fuckers did this to you! No man has the right to put there hands on a woman who is unwanting of their touch!" Brian shot out.

"Maybe I did something to make them think I wanted them to touch me Brian! Maybe the way I carried myself..." I started.

"No...Memphis I know you...I'm your brother and I know how you are. You didn't do anything wrong! No female does in situations like that! Some men are just heartless, gutless, candy ass monsters who get off on hurting beautiful women like you!" Matt replied.

"Yea and most of the time they single girls out that they don't know!" Brian replied, wiping my cheeks free of dampness for the time being.

"But...that's the thing..." I replied as I looked up at Brian. "I did know them"

"What?" Matt questioned in a whisper.

"I knew them well...in fact...all of you know them!" I replied as I looked down.

"Baby...who?" Brian began pushing for an answer.

"Bri please...I've been through enough today! My emotions are running at an all time high and I'm feeling at my lowest!" I sobbed out.

"Shh...Kid it's ok! Do you want some rest?" Matt asked as he tucked some of my hair behind my ear.

"Please" I replied with a nod causing Matt to nod and scoop me into his arms.

He stood and carried me like he would a fragile child. He laid me on the bed and looked down into my eyes, his hazel eyes still filled with tears as he looked at me. I was his little sister and I had been hurt beyond repair in my eyes, and he was upset that he wasn't there to prevent it from happening...and he was unable to take the pain away!

"I'm so fucking sorry Memphis!" He choked out in a whisper as big tears slid down his flawless cheeks. "I should've been there to do something"

"Shh.." I replied as I sat up, wrapping my arms around my brother. "Mattie, don't do
this...don't blame yourself. There's nothing any of us could've done to prevent it!"

"I just...I never wanted you to get hurt like that Kid!" he sobbed as he held me tighter.

"Matt...even though it fucked me up some...it also made me stronger! I'm no fool...I'm a Sanders!" I replied as I pulled back, lifting his chin so he looked into my eyes. "Now...please don't cry...leave that to me! When I couldn't be strong you were strong for me!"

"I find it hard to be strong when I find out my baby sister was raped!" Matt replied.

"Mattie...please...for me?" I asked.

"I love you kid" he replied and pulled me to him in a bone crushing hug which I happily returned.

"I love you too brother" I replied.

When Matt finally pulled away, he kissed my forehead and stood, wiping his cheeks again as he looked at Brian who stood by the door. He walked toward him and they began talking quietly. I zoned them out as I lay on the bed, arms wrapped around myself as I just grew numb. Everything around me seemed to disappear and I had no feeling. I just lay here in this cabin basically dead to the world.

"Baby" Brian whispered as he lay in front of me, his eyes searching mine when I wouldn't speak. He sighed and kissed the tip of my nose. "I'll leave you alone so you can rest."

"No" I sobbed out grabbing his arm as he was about to roll out of the bed. He turned to face me and I slid against him, my face hidden in his chest. "Brian please...don't leave me alone!"

"I won't...I promise...I'll be right here with you forever...I swear it!" He cooed as he kissed the top of my head.

Brian's arms wrapped protectively around me as I drifted into a dreamless sleep. It was then that I figured out he would always be here for me no matter what...and it was then when I realized I couldn't live without him and I loved him with every battered piece of my heart.