Memories Won't Let Me Cry

Finding yourself amongst your friends and family again is incredible. I had been back from the Army coming up on 2 months now and I was loving it! The feeling of reconnecting with people I cared the most for made my life even better. I loved being home and I loved being able to do what I wanted without fear of doing it wrongly and being penalized for it.

We had been at Big Bear going on 4 days and I was enjoying myself. After getting one of my secrets off my chest to the guys and girls, I felt as though a weight had been lifted and I was finally back to myself. But knowing that everything hadn't been told was still eating away at me. Here I was regaining my position as loving daughter, sister, soon to be girlfriend and best friend to everyone, and still hiding the reason to my homecoming. As time went on my fear of them blowing up on me kinda dismembered because of the simple fact that I was truly loved here. I had found my true home once again and I knew my family and friends wouldn't hold me being discharged against me. They where happy I was home...and to be frank about it...so was I!

I had started growing even closer to the girls. Not a day went by that Lyndsey, Corie, Josceline, Katie and myself didn't seclude ourselves from the guys and have "girl time" as we called it. I learned so much about Josceline, Katie and Lyndsey that made me realize that we had more in common than just love for the guys. I even had the chance to learn more about Corie. Even though you can be best friends there is never a stopping point on learning more about them! That's what keeps your friendship strong and bond unbreakable! I loved these girls and knew they where here for me whenever I needed them. That's the thing about friendship that I was starting to come to the conclusion about...you become the rock when your friend is in a hard place and a shoulder for them to cry on. Everyone here had been that for me and I didn't know when but I would return the favor!

Things between Brian and I had gotten even better. With Brian I felt true happiness and love. The kinda love that you can't hide or stop feeling was the love that I felt for Brian. Knowing that he was feeling the exact same thing was mind blowing for me. I fell deeper in love with him everyday and he never did anything major. It was the little things Brian would do that would melt my heart. Those small walks around the cabins, the dinners in our cabin alone, him stealing kisses and hugs whenever he felt like it, the smiles we gave each other, the looks, and the feeling of falling into a deep, peaceful sleep in his arms at night was amazing.

No we hadn't had sex yet...but I knew I was growing close to being ready. Brian was a gentleman...he never once tried to push himself on me. If we where in a heated make-out session and I felt it was going too far, all I had to do was ask him to stop...and he would. He wasn't like Andrew. He knew what I had been through and he understood my feelings about wanting sex to mean something. I knew he felt the same way...that's why he respected my wishes for wanting to wait.

"So...can I make a comment to you?" I asked Lyndsey as we sat alone on the dock.

Today the guys decided to teach us how to fish...and seeing as Lyndsey and I had been fishing countless times and knew how it was done we decided to sit out when they got in canoes. Corie opted to go because she and Zacky couldn't handle being away from each other longer than 5 minutes. For the life of me I couldn't understand why they hadn't gotten married yet! Josceline and Katie where absolutely hilarious when it came to this shit. They where putting on a show, acting as if they knew nothing about fishing to they guys...and it was driving them nuts. The guys where trying to be sweet in every way, Johnny and Jimmy more so because they where their girlfriends...but as soon as Katie and Josceline caught on to it...they acted up more! Priceless.

"Depending on what it is" she replied looking up from her Kerrang magazine to me. "Will it hurt me or make me extremely happy?"

"I have no idea....but if you love me the way you say you do...you'll be fine" I replied with a grin which caused her to smile and close her magazine.

"Ok....what is it?" she asked after a sigh.

"You do realize your looking kinda chubby right babe?" I asked in seriousness.

"MEMPHIS!" she shouted and tossed her magazine at me.

"What?" I asked with a chuckle as I caught the magazine and looked at her.

"You are so mean!" she replied as she crossed her arms over her stomach. She wore a yellow bikini with small pink butterfly's in random places with her hair pulled back in a messy bun.

"Aww...Lynds, I was just saying! You know I think you're beautiful and you're my lover 'til the end....just don't let Brian or Corie hear that!" I replied as I looked around causing her to snort and look back at me. "But you know something else?"

"Please don't say anything else about weight! I feel like a cow anyways and Jimmy won't stop stuffing sandwiches down my throat!" she replied.

"He does make good sandwiches don't he?" I asked and she chuckled, nodding her head in agreement.

"Lord knows if he marries Josceline they will never starve as long as they have a loaf of bread and some ham!" she replied and we both laughed.

"No but seriously...remember when Johnny and Katie asked me and Brian to go on that walk with them last night?" I asked.

"Mhm" she nodded.

"I saw a small store near the canoe rental place" I replied.

"And I care about that why?" she asked with a dumb look on her face.

"Hello reject...you and I could sneak away from them for a while tonight and go to the store and see if they sell any kind of pregnancy test!" I replied.

"Well that sounds like a good plan genius but how the hell do you suggest we do that? Matt and Brian won't allow us out of their sight and they would kill us if we snuck off!" she replied as she stood stretching.

"Well.... I dunno...but I'll think of something this way we will know for sure and I will be super excited if it comes out to be positive!" I replied.

"Why?" she chuckled as she looked at me like I was on crack.

"It would be amazing to be apart of that type of experience with you Lyndsey! And...it would be a late birthday present" I replied.

"What do you mean late birthday present?" she asked with narrowed eyes as I stood.

"Well I think that in the wake of my homecoming everyone forgot about my birthday! Which isn't a big deal!"

I sighed and looked down at my bikini bottom. I had on a purple and black stripped bikini that I had bought while I was stationed in Hawaii for awhile last year. I made sure it was tied tightly on the sides before I looked at Lyndsey who stood beside me, her hand rested on her stomach as she held a thoughtful look. Her stomach did have a slight roundness to it but it could've been from eating very healthy.

I let out a loud scream as I was suddenly picked up bridal style and swung around in a circle. My arms wrapped around the person's neck and held for dear life. I was growing dizzy and I now recognized the laugh of the person I was holding onto to belong to Brian. As he slowed down I knew I was smiling but my eyes where closed because of the dizziness. He came to a stop and kissed my forehead as I opened my eyes.

"If I throw up it's all your fault" I whispered and he chuckled.

"I couldn't resist though baby...you look so hot today!" he replied.

"And you show me that by spinning me around in a damn circle?" I asked as I looked in his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he replied before kissing my lips lightly.

"So you think one little kiss will help me forgive you?" I asked with a smile as he placed me back on my feet.

"Um....my guess is it won't?" he asked with a some what hopeful look.

"Nope" I replied as I chuckled.

"Well...you leave me no choice but to strip butt naked and give myself to you tonight!" he replied causing me to laugh loudly and lean against his chest, in turn he wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"I like that idea....I accept" I replied.

"Seriously?" he whispered as he looked into my eyes.

"No bullshit" I whispered as I kissed the tip of his nose.

As Brian and I where lost in our moment together, no one knew what was ahead of us as a group. Yes we where extremely close...but we were all about to go through some crossroads in our relationships as friends that would put a strain on things for quite sometime. The bad thing about this was...we would be divided into groups of two...the girls against the guys and oh boy....would this be a rollercoaster ride!