Status: Hiatus
Memories Won't Let Me Cry
Twenty-Nine
As Lyndsey and I walked toward the store things about my divorce started racing through my head. Things I had yet to share with anyone! I began to feel disgusted with myself because of every burdon I carried with me. Back then I was burdon free and carsmatic...but now I was just carring even more baggage then anyone could ever think to deal with! To top it all off I hid the fact that I had been married from everyone along with my being rapped while in boot camp. I had yet to tell about my reasoning for coming home which I didn't find to be a very big deal anymore! The big deal that I wanted to tell, more as NEEDED to tell was the fact that I had someone coming to live with me here in California now. A big reason to why I had stayed away all these years was not because of me being in the Army, even though it played a big part! The reason mainly was the fact that I had went through what Lyndsey was about to go through!
After the rape had happened I was placed in the care of some doctors for about 2 weeks because I was so sick. I thought it was because of the grief eating me alive from letting something so horrific happen to me or the flu. But after some tests where done I was given some of the most shocking news I'd ever recieved in my whole entire life....I was with child! Franticly on the verge of a nervous breakdown thinking that it had to be one of my attackers who fathered my baby, I wanted to know how far along I was and was told I was infact 3 months! The reason I hadn't started showing was because of how tight my stomach muscles where! This leaving me in a state of shock because it was infact the love child of Brian and I. But how was I able to stay in the Army?
I was given medical leave and was told I had passed boot camp because of how much I had progressed in such little time. During the medical leave, Andrew had bought a house close to the Army base and thats where I stayed throughout my pregnancy, after we where married of course. Everday I wanted to pick up the phone and call home to either tell my mom, dad, Corie or better yet, Brian! But I always ended up hanging up. The only ones that knew about me being pregnant where myself, The Army, Andrew and his family who where lead on to believe that this child was infact Andrews when in reality it wasn't!
On July 13th, 2002 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. 6 pounds and 3 ounces of pure joy. Her eyes where that of my own but her face held her fathers features and her hair was a blackish color, but as she got older it turned to blonde like mine. She was a happy child and was always interested in sports making it hard for me to get her to sit still. She was an amazing listener though and never got into too much trouble, even though I wasn't surprised when she did get into some mischief. She excelled in school and was adored by everyone on the Army base! She hated Andrew though and I knew she could tell that he wasn't her biological father because of his taste in music and the way he would act toward her at times. Her name was Madison Grace Sanders but I called her Maddie after the nickname I used to call Matt.
"Why are you so quiet?" Lyndsey asked as we stopped across the street from the store.
"Oh...I was just thinking." I replied with a small smile and looked both ways, waiting on the cars to pass.
"I could tell! You and Matt get the same crease in your foreheads when your thinking!" she replied with a chuckle that caused me to laugh.
"We do not!" I defended as we linked arms and crossed the street, walking into the store.
"Back so soon?" the store clerk asked.
"Yea...we've been given orders cause men are lazy and won't come to the store themselves!" I replied recieving a laugh from him.
"She means that with no offense intended!" Lyndsey replied as she nudged me.
"None taken! So...can I help you ladies out with anything?" he asked as he walked out from behind the counter.
"Um...could you please find the things on this list for us?" Lyndsey asked, handing him the list Johnny had written.
"Not a problem...be done in a jiffy." he replied and walked off with a cart.
I sighed and walked toward the female accesories with Lyndsey's arm still linked in mine. We stopped infront of the many shelves of pregnancy tests and I smiled as I thought back to when Maddie was 4 and we where in the small grocery store on the base and I was looking through tampons while she was looking toward the pregnancy tests. The first words out of her mouth was, "Pee sticks Mommy!" and I just about died. She had learned what pregnancy tests where through the school on the base but she refered to them as pee sticks! She was so mature for her age and I loved having her around when I could see her because she was random just as I was!
"So...whatcha think?" Lyndsey asked breaking me from my thoughts.
"Oh...uh.....lets get them all!" I stated looking at her.
"What?" she asked.
"Well...why trust just one? Lets get on of each and go from there!" I replied with a smile.
"Are you ill?" she asked.
"I think it's an awesome idea!" I replied.
"Me too!" the store clerk guy replied as he stopped behind us. "Your fully loaded ladies!
Anything else I can get ya?"
"Yeah...one of each of these pregnancy test please sir!" I replied with a cheeky grin as I looked at a frustrated Lyndsey.
"Um....ok." he replied and walked between us and began throwing one of each pregnancy test into a seperate bag, joining the bags that he had already filled that held the contents Johnny had wanted.
We stood at the front by the counter looking through magazines as he rang up the items. I sighed and sat the magazine I was reading down and walked toward the window looking out and gasped when I saw an Army jeep ride by. What the hell was an Army Jeep doing here? Was there a base near by? My heart was pounding in my chest and I was growing nervous.
"That was an expensive trip to the fuckin store! $209 dollars!" Lyndsey replied as we walked out of the store, her pushing the cart.
"Do you remember any of the guys ever talking about an Army base being round here?" I asked as we got back onto the path heading toward the cabins.
"Not that I know of sweets...why?" she asked a she sucked on her sucker.
"Nothing." I replied as we continued down the path.
"You know...you seem lost in your own world....whats up?" she asked as we grew closer.
"I'll tell you later..."
As we walked up the dock my eyes landed on the Army Jeep and my heart jumped up into my throat as my eyes found Andrew and Brian inches away from each other. Lyndsey gasped and I took off running toward them. The guys and girls where standing around listening to them argue back and fourth as I ran up.
"Whats goin on?" I asked out of breath.
"Fuck nuts here won't tell us why he's here!" Matt replied.
"Yeah he said he had something to deliver to you!" Brain replied.
"Look assholes back off! I'm just here to drop this little demon off and I'll be out of her fuckin life ok?" Andrew spat out.
"I told you we'd settle it when I got back from vacation!" I replied looking at Andrew.
"I'm not keeping Maddie anymore! She is a hellcat!" he spat out.
"Shut the fuck up!" I shot out looking at him.
"Is that a cat?"
"What...they don't know?" Andrew replied with a huge grin.
"No." I replied crossing my arms.
"Are we keeping secrets dear Memphis?" Andrew replied again.
"Shut up!" I shot out just as I heard her speak.
"Mommy where the hell are we?"
"Watch your mouth baby girl!" I shot out looking toward my beautiful daughter.
"Mommy?" everyone shot out at the same time as Maddison walked into my arms.
I looked around at everyones faces as I held onto the main reason I was alive other than Brian. They held confussion and anger...wanting to know what the hell was going on.
"Fuckers I would like you to meet Memphis 6 year old daughter Madison Grace Sanders!" Andrew replied as he dropped her bags at my feet. "She's all yours now! Good luck!"
With that he hoped back into the Jeep and backed away leaving me holding onto a confused Madison who looked at the confused faces of her family. She didn't know her father was staring at her....and Brian had no clue he was looking at his daughter.
After the rape had happened I was placed in the care of some doctors for about 2 weeks because I was so sick. I thought it was because of the grief eating me alive from letting something so horrific happen to me or the flu. But after some tests where done I was given some of the most shocking news I'd ever recieved in my whole entire life....I was with child! Franticly on the verge of a nervous breakdown thinking that it had to be one of my attackers who fathered my baby, I wanted to know how far along I was and was told I was infact 3 months! The reason I hadn't started showing was because of how tight my stomach muscles where! This leaving me in a state of shock because it was infact the love child of Brian and I. But how was I able to stay in the Army?
I was given medical leave and was told I had passed boot camp because of how much I had progressed in such little time. During the medical leave, Andrew had bought a house close to the Army base and thats where I stayed throughout my pregnancy, after we where married of course. Everday I wanted to pick up the phone and call home to either tell my mom, dad, Corie or better yet, Brian! But I always ended up hanging up. The only ones that knew about me being pregnant where myself, The Army, Andrew and his family who where lead on to believe that this child was infact Andrews when in reality it wasn't!
On July 13th, 2002 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. 6 pounds and 3 ounces of pure joy. Her eyes where that of my own but her face held her fathers features and her hair was a blackish color, but as she got older it turned to blonde like mine. She was a happy child and was always interested in sports making it hard for me to get her to sit still. She was an amazing listener though and never got into too much trouble, even though I wasn't surprised when she did get into some mischief. She excelled in school and was adored by everyone on the Army base! She hated Andrew though and I knew she could tell that he wasn't her biological father because of his taste in music and the way he would act toward her at times. Her name was Madison Grace Sanders but I called her Maddie after the nickname I used to call Matt.
"Why are you so quiet?" Lyndsey asked as we stopped across the street from the store.
"Oh...I was just thinking." I replied with a small smile and looked both ways, waiting on the cars to pass.
"I could tell! You and Matt get the same crease in your foreheads when your thinking!" she replied with a chuckle that caused me to laugh.
"We do not!" I defended as we linked arms and crossed the street, walking into the store.
"Back so soon?" the store clerk asked.
"Yea...we've been given orders cause men are lazy and won't come to the store themselves!" I replied recieving a laugh from him.
"She means that with no offense intended!" Lyndsey replied as she nudged me.
"None taken! So...can I help you ladies out with anything?" he asked as he walked out from behind the counter.
"Um...could you please find the things on this list for us?" Lyndsey asked, handing him the list Johnny had written.
"Not a problem...be done in a jiffy." he replied and walked off with a cart.
I sighed and walked toward the female accesories with Lyndsey's arm still linked in mine. We stopped infront of the many shelves of pregnancy tests and I smiled as I thought back to when Maddie was 4 and we where in the small grocery store on the base and I was looking through tampons while she was looking toward the pregnancy tests. The first words out of her mouth was, "Pee sticks Mommy!" and I just about died. She had learned what pregnancy tests where through the school on the base but she refered to them as pee sticks! She was so mature for her age and I loved having her around when I could see her because she was random just as I was!
"So...whatcha think?" Lyndsey asked breaking me from my thoughts.
"Oh...uh.....lets get them all!" I stated looking at her.
"What?" she asked.
"Well...why trust just one? Lets get on of each and go from there!" I replied with a smile.
"Are you ill?" she asked.
"I think it's an awesome idea!" I replied.
"Me too!" the store clerk guy replied as he stopped behind us. "Your fully loaded ladies!
Anything else I can get ya?"
"Yeah...one of each of these pregnancy test please sir!" I replied with a cheeky grin as I looked at a frustrated Lyndsey.
"Um....ok." he replied and walked between us and began throwing one of each pregnancy test into a seperate bag, joining the bags that he had already filled that held the contents Johnny had wanted.
We stood at the front by the counter looking through magazines as he rang up the items. I sighed and sat the magazine I was reading down and walked toward the window looking out and gasped when I saw an Army jeep ride by. What the hell was an Army Jeep doing here? Was there a base near by? My heart was pounding in my chest and I was growing nervous.
"That was an expensive trip to the fuckin store! $209 dollars!" Lyndsey replied as we walked out of the store, her pushing the cart.
"Do you remember any of the guys ever talking about an Army base being round here?" I asked as we got back onto the path heading toward the cabins.
"Not that I know of sweets...why?" she asked a she sucked on her sucker.
"Nothing." I replied as we continued down the path.
"You know...you seem lost in your own world....whats up?" she asked as we grew closer.
"I'll tell you later..."
As we walked up the dock my eyes landed on the Army Jeep and my heart jumped up into my throat as my eyes found Andrew and Brian inches away from each other. Lyndsey gasped and I took off running toward them. The guys and girls where standing around listening to them argue back and fourth as I ran up.
"Whats goin on?" I asked out of breath.
"Fuck nuts here won't tell us why he's here!" Matt replied.
"Yeah he said he had something to deliver to you!" Brain replied.
"Look assholes back off! I'm just here to drop this little demon off and I'll be out of her fuckin life ok?" Andrew spat out.
"I told you we'd settle it when I got back from vacation!" I replied looking at Andrew.
"I'm not keeping Maddie anymore! She is a hellcat!" he spat out.
"Shut the fuck up!" I shot out looking at him.
"Is that a cat?"
"What...they don't know?" Andrew replied with a huge grin.
"No." I replied crossing my arms.
"Are we keeping secrets dear Memphis?" Andrew replied again.
"Shut up!" I shot out just as I heard her speak.
"Mommy where the hell are we?"
"Watch your mouth baby girl!" I shot out looking toward my beautiful daughter.
"Mommy?" everyone shot out at the same time as Maddison walked into my arms.
I looked around at everyones faces as I held onto the main reason I was alive other than Brian. They held confussion and anger...wanting to know what the hell was going on.
"Fuckers I would like you to meet Memphis 6 year old daughter Madison Grace Sanders!" Andrew replied as he dropped her bags at my feet. "She's all yours now! Good luck!"
With that he hoped back into the Jeep and backed away leaving me holding onto a confused Madison who looked at the confused faces of her family. She didn't know her father was staring at her....and Brian had no clue he was looking at his daughter.