Memories Won't Let Me Cry

"Why must Vodka be so damn good?" Brian questioned with a sigh, holding his half-full bottle close to his chest as if it were a precious possession.

I rolled my eyes as the guys struck up a conversation about why they loved their alcohol so much, I shifted in my seat and rested my head back to look up at the night's sky.

The past couple days had been relaxing and yet stressful, all at once. Relaxing because I had done nothing but lay around and let Matt pamper and love me, and stressful because Brian and Memphis still weren't talking.

After their scream-fest the other night, things had been silent between them. We all knew that they had had sex; it was apparent from the looks on their faces the morning after, and Matt told me that Brian had been talking to him about what happened. I hadn't had much of a chance to talk to either of them as they had been keeping to themselves lately, and Memphis had her hands full with her daughter, but Matt had told me that Brian was completely confused and helpless with the situation. He wanted Memphis back, he wanted to have a family with her and Madison so badly it was killing him, and I knew that Mems felt the same way. Matt and I had talked about how to ease the situation between them, but could come up with nothing. It was all on them.

Things had been tense between Matt and I after I had called him a hypocrite, but he cornered me in the bedroom that night and apologized over and over again, to the point where I had forgiven him just so he would stop. But I now understood that he wasn't meaning to act the way he had been, he was just hurt and angry with his sister for hiding the fact that she had a daughter from everyone. And I probably understood what he was feeling more than anyone could understand.

I sighed, closing my eyes as I listened to Brian playing a random melody on his acoustic guitar. It wasn't often that he played the acoustic, but when he did he usually came up with something amazing, something that the guys always used in one of their songs.

"What is that, dude?" I heard Matt ask, and turned my head to see he was sitting beside Brian, holding his beer carefully between his hands as he watched Brian play with the strings on his guitar.

"Remember that song that you were writing a few weeks ago?" Brian asked quietly, his eyes on what he was doing. "You know, that fucking…what was it called…that slow one?" He started waving his hand, as if to help him think of what it was, and then started humming the tune and I smiled.

He couldn't keep a tune when he was drunk off Vodka, that was one thing.

"Uh…Dear God?" Matt suggested and Brian punched him in the arm with an excited, "Hell yes, that one."

"Jesus, Brian, no need to be abusive." Matt whined. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Oh suck it up, you baby."

Baby.

That was the major cause of stress for me. I still hadn't used any of the pregnancy tests that Memphis and I had bought the other day at the store, and it was driving me insane. Though I desperately wanted to know if I was or not, I was also terrified. Terrified of being pregnant, and yet…terrified of the disappointment if I wasn't.

As if reading my thoughts, Memphis showed up beside me and crouched on the ground, looking up at me thoughtfully.

"Hmm?"

"Want to go inside now, and do those…things?" She lowered her voice so no one would hear her and I glanced at the guys. "It won't take long. Besides, they won't even notice we're gone. They're all busy."

She was right. Matt and Brian were enthralled with the guitar and lyrics, Zacky was cuddling and getting up close and personal with Corie, Jimmy and Johnny were chasing a squealing Madison around the sand while the other girls watched on.

They wouldn't miss us.

Nodding, I stood up and gave her my hand to take so she could pull herself up, and then she and I were turning around and making our way to the cabin.

"Where are you going?" Matt called and I froze.

Mems glanced at me before calling back, "To the bathroom. Problem?"

"Why are you both going?" He asked and she looked at him like he was insane.

"We're girls, Matthew."

I heard him laugh and say something like "Good point" before she was tugging me along behind her again.

My heart was pounding and belly was churning as I followed her up the stairs, going to grab the bag of test boxes from the closet before she and I locked ourselves in the bathroom. I dumped all the tests on the counter and picked up one to read it, while she looked at a different one.

"Which one should I do?" I asked nervously.

She shrugged. "All of them?"

"You want me to pee on all of these things?" I asked incredulously and she shrugged.

"Best to be sure." She put the box down and patted my shoulder before leaving the bathroom to get me some water.

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror, seeing the way my dark eyes were wide, seeming black in my pale face.

Here goes nothing.

***

"Can I look yet?" I asked for the millionth time and Memphis sighed from her spot on the floor before looking at her watch.

"One minute."

I sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, immediately bouncing my right leg nervously and biting my nails.

"Stop that." She said, reaching up to pull my hand from my mouth.

I sighed again and gripped my fingers together in my lap, twisting until my knuckles turned white. Memphis pulled my hands apart and started to assure me that everything would be okay, but I could hardly listen. My eyes were centered on the counter where all the tests were sitting and I was mentally counting down the time. My mind was racing, one thought after another making me start to shake.

"Time." She murmured and I looked down at her with wide eyes.

"Huh?"

"Time's up." She said loudly, forcing a light smile. "You can check the tests now."

I took a deep breath and held it, looking towards the counter before I shot out, "I can't."

"Lyndsey-"

"Can you look for me?" I begged, feeling ready to cry any second.

She nodded and pushed herself to her feet, kissing my cheek and squeezing my fingers before she took the two steps over to the counter and picked up the first white stick nearest to her.

Pressure built in my chest as I held my breath, waiting for her answer. She frowned down at the test for a moment before her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"Lyndsey…" She turned her eyes on mine and I covered my face with my hands, a breathy sob falling from my lips.

Oh, God, please…

And I didn't even know what I was praying for.

"Positive."

"I can't believe I'm…what?" My hands dropped and I stared at her, choking, "What?"

A smile was spreading across her face as she handed the test over to display the small pink positive sign in the window.

"It's positive." She chuckled lightly. "Lyndsey…you're-"

"Are you sure?" I shot out, jumping up and to the counter as I asked, "What do the others say?"

I grabbed each test, looking blankly at the signs and shaking my head back and forth.

"I-I don't even know what these mean…where the…what boxes go with these? We have to check, we…"

I was frantic to find the boxes that matched the tests, and my eyes were growing blurry with tears.

"Lyndsey, I already looked."

"What? But-"

She grabbed my face within her hands and nodded at me. "I know what the positive signs are, babe. Every sings one of these tests is positive." She continued to nod, and was now grinning as she squealed quietly, "Baby-girl, you're having a baby."

I stared at her for a moment, tears sliding endlessly down my cheeks. And then I let my hands fall to my stomach.

"I'm…I'm…oh my God…" I closed my eyes, and for a second I thought I was going to break down. But then I started to laugh hysterically, so hard that the tears falling from my eyes were no longer from distress but from my relentless giggles.

"Congratulations." She laughed and I stopped laughing long enough to shriek and throw myself at her in a hug before I started jumping around, up and down, and Mems joined me moments later as we laughed.

Sudden pounding on the bathroom door stopped us from moving and we stood there, staring in horror at each other.

"What the hell is going on in there? Are you girls having a party without inviting me?" It was Jimmy, and he sounded more than a little drunk. "And…and…are you two nakie? Cause if you are, I will break this fucking…I will break the door down."

"No, Jimmy, we're not nakie." Memphis called out while I wiped my cheeks. "We're just talking. We'll meet you outside in a minute."

"Okay." He pounded on the door a few more times and then we heard his footsteps moving away from the door.

I blew out a breath, as did she, and then she nodded to the counter with a tired, "We need to get rid of this stuff."

"Here." I said, grabbing an unused garbage bag from the cupboard in the bottom of the counter and we dumped all of the tests inside just as we heard Matt's voice booming down the hallway.

"Lyndsey, baby, lover of mine, I need you." He practically sang and I rolled my eyes.

He was drunk.

"Lyndsey…oh, Lyndsey…" He whined, tapping on the door.

"One second, Matt." She called out before whispering to me, "What do I do with this?"

"Who is that in there?" Matt slurred.

"It's your sister, dumbass."

"Oh, hi, Memphis. Can I have my girlfriend back?"

"Hold on."

Finally snapping out of my shocked state, I grabbed the bag and shoved it in the bottom of the cupboard and closed the door.

"We'll get rid of it later."

"Memphis Sanders…" It was Brian now and Memphis rolled her eyes. "Memsie, baby, where are..oh. Matt…where's your sister?"

"In here." There was a slap on the door and it made me jump. "With Lyndsers."

"Together? Dude…did we miss something?"

Sighing in aggravation, I pulled the door open and stood there with a quirked eyebrow.

"You two are drunk."

Matt stared at me while Brian scoffed and swayed on his feet.

"Are not."

I rolled my eyes and stepped out of the bathroom, grabbing Matt by the arm and steering him around.

"I love you." He sighed, pulling me forward and making me stumble.

"I love you, too. Now to bed with you." I patted his chest, looking behind to see that Brian was making kissie faces at Memphis while she tried to help him down the stairs.

I dragged Matt into the bedroom and closed the door, chuckling while he drunkenly sang Welcome to the Jungle before he fell face first onto the bed.

"Matt, wait, let's get your…" I was cut off by a loud snore and sighed, finishing, "Pants off."

Five grueling minutes later, I had removed Matt's pants and decided to leave him in his tee shirt. I changed into my sweat shorts and tank top and snuggled up to his side, kissing him on the cheek before I settled down and closed my eyes.

I was pregnant.

Thank God.

Now how am I going to tell Matt?