Memories Won't Let Me Cry

After unpacking my bag into my old bedroom I decided to try and venture back downstairs. Since arriving I had changed into a loose pair of black satin pj bottoms and a white wife beater. My shoes had escaped my feet because I was never a shoe person! I would rather be barefoot any day.

I walked out of my bedroom and headed toward the steps that I descended quickly. I figured that everyone had lft by now, heading to do whatever it is they did here in Huntington now. I turned into the kitchen and walked right up to the fridge not even paying attention to anything around me as I opened it. I glanced around it for awhile trying to find something to meet my liking but decided water would do just that.

As I turned I stopped as I saw Matt sitting at the kitchen table looking at me. His sunglasses where gone and I could see all his emotion well. I had grown to know Matt's moods while we grew up together and I could tell when he was pissed, happy, or fucking sad. His eyes told me everything. he couldn't hide anything from me...and he knew this!

"You get settled in ok?" Matt asked lowly.

"Uh...yeah!" I replied after taking a deep breath. I leaned back against the counter and continued looking at my brother. "Everything was still the way I left it!"

"Mom and Dad don't allow anyone in your room!" he replied.

"Oh…that explains it then!" I replied as I opened my water bottle.

"Kid...I just...." Matt began but kept stopping as if he was trying to find the right words to say. "Fuck...I'm sorry ok?"

"Okay…" I replied slowly with a raised brow. "Have you turned schizoid since I was gone? If so that would explain why I heard all those fucking stories about you and the goon squad while I was in Iraq!"

"Nice to see you haven't changed!" he replied with a chuckle, his smile showing those dimples I so wanted to have!

"Just because I joined the Army Matt didn't mean I would change! I'm not the same person I was because I've been through a lot of shit in the 6 years I was in the Army. But I'm still a Huntington girl at heart and I'm still Memphis Sanders!" I replied and he nodded taking in what I had said.

"I know all that Mems! It was just hard for me to let you go cause you were and still are my baby sister! You where my best fucking friend and I felt that in some fucked up way you where betraying me by leaving!" he replied.

"Matt you had the guys and the band! Yaw weren't doing all that good when I left but you had a pretty good fan base!"

"True but you where always there to criticize us if we did something wrong! You where always a little asshole and after you came running in with Corie saying you where enlisting into the United States Army I was fucking crushed! You always seemed to love being our critic and being Brian's girl that I never noticed you wanted something else so bad!" he replied.

"Matt...you're forgetting a week before I enlisted that I had told you I wanted to travel and see the world! Be my own person!" I replied.

"We travel and see the world! You could've stayed with us, being safe and not putting your life on the line and still would've been able to see everything you ever dreamed to see!" he replied.

"You don't get it do you Matt?" I sighed and sat my water bottle down as I crossed my
arms. "All my life I was always known as Travis Sanders or Matt Sanders kid sister! It became even worse after Brian admitted he liked me and we started dating! I became Haner's property! I wanted to do something that would have people know who I was! That I didn't need my older brothers to protect me!"

"That's what older brothers are for!" I heard another voice I knew all too well. The voice belonging to my oldest brother Travis. He looked like Matt only without the dimples and he had mom's blue eyes as well.

"I know...but c'mon guys...I got to do some things that you wouldn't believe! And in doing that...I found who I truly am! I found the side of Memphis Sanders that wasn't afraid to venture out on her own. That wasn't afraid to speak her mind...and most of...wasn't afraid to live!"

"But you could've lost your life Kid!" Travis replied with Matt nodding in agreement.

"And I made the decision to be willing to take that risk! I chose to live in the moment Trav just as you chose to be the one to go to college. And just as Matt chose to be the famous one! I wanted to do something different and I'm sorry...even though I had some hard times over there...I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!" I replied.

"I'm just glad your back safe!" Travis replied and walked over engulfing me in a hug.

"Thanks Trav," I replied as we separated.

"Hey...I'm still your older brother that is still super overprotective...but willing to let you live!" Travis replied before kissing my cheek and turning to Matt. "Lynds looks good lil bro!"

"Shit I know!" Matt smiled.

"Who is Lynds?" I asked curiously.

"Matt's girlfriend," Travis replied as if it where nothing.

"What happened to Val?" I asked raising a brow.

"Jason Berry's girl!" Matt replied and stood.

"Are you serious? As in the Jason Berry?" I asked with a slight chuckle.

"Yup...they've been together for 3 years just as me and Lynds!" Matt replied and walked over to me. "Can I please have a hug Kid?"

"Oh for fuck's sake Matt" I replied with a chuckle and walked into his arms.

"I'm really sorry Mems!" Matt whispered.

"Shit happens," I mumbled and pulled back.

"Does this mean you wont beat the fuck outta me cause...your more buff than we are!" he replied.

"Well...we'll see" I replied with a smile.

I stood in the kitchen talking to my brother's for about anouther 30mins. I loved the fact that we had now gotten on civil terms and they now understood why I joined the Army.

"So…you seen Gates yet?" Travis asked.

"Brian?" I questioned.

"Kid...you remember the stage names we came up with? Brian's was Synyster Gates!" Matt informed me.

"Oh...ok, I remember now and yes I have seen him!" I replied looking at Travis.

"Light your flame again?" Travis asked with a smile causing Matt to snort.

"No...looks like the same jackass to me! And the last time Corie wrote me she said he was into Michelle now!" I replied.

"That lasted 2 weeks and Michelle fucked Brent behind Syn's back!" Matt replied.

"Come to think of it...Brian hasn't really had a real relationship since you!" Travis replied.

"Well...whatever...he'll move on eventually!" I replied wanting the subject to change
quickly. "Hey Cameron still live around here?" I asked.

"C Rackem..hell yea!" Matt replied.

"We're definitely going to see him!" I said with a smile.

"But first...I want you to meet the love of my life!" Matt replied.

"This Lynds I'm hearing so much about?" I questioned.

"Matt's been trying to come up with the perfect moment to ask her to marry him but...he's a pussy and wont get it over with!" Travis replied in hushed tone.

"Fuck off dude!" Matt replied.

"Well it's true...you and I both know she will say yes! C'mon Matt...after she miscarried in January you've been battling with your emotions!" Travis continued in his hushed tone.

"She was pregnant?" I asked in a whisper.

"Yeah...with a boy! She was in her 5th month when her father died and the stress caused her to have a miscarriage. I was on the road at the time so when I got the call it crushed me." Matt replied.

"Oh Matt...I'm sorry," I replied placing my hand on his knee.

"It's alright. But I do love her with all my heart and would love to try for more rugrats with her! But I can't seem to find the words to ask her to marry me ya know?" he replied.

"You will! Just give it time!" I replied causing him to smile.

"She is like you in most ways!" Matt replied.

"Shit...she is an angel Mems! Mom loves her and Dad forgot who Val was after 2 weeks of Matt bringing her home to meet them!" Travis replied.

"Well...let's go meet this amazing girl then!" I replied.

"Ok...Baby!" Matt called out as we stood.