Memories Won't Let Me Cry

I stared at Memphis in amazement as she talked on the phone to the dude named Andrew, not knowing what to think. I turned wide eyes to Matt, whose face mimicked my expression, and when I looked at Brian my heart twisted a little. He was looking to Memphis in confusion, his brown eyes narrowed, but I could see a little bit of hurt there too, and took a step towards him.

"Brian-"

"Who the hell is he?" He growled, ignoring me.

"Maybe her boyfriend." Matt mumbled and I looked at him sharply.

"You don’t know that."

Matt looked at me like I was stupid. "Lyndsey, she just called him 'babe'."

"So?" I countered in a harsh whisper, hoping that I was right. "Matt, how many times have the guys called me 'babe', or have I called them 'sweetie' or something like that? Tons of times, and I'm not dating any of them, am I?"

He looked a little sheepish. "No, but-"

"Just because she's calling him that doesn't mean they're dating. Give her the benefit of the doubt, will you?"

Matt nodded, but Brian looked skeptical.

"Besides," I pressed, putting my hand on Brian's shoulder. "I'm sure she would have mentioned something about a boyfriend already."

At least, I hope she would have. Or things could get very ugly.

Memphis had her back turned and was talking quietly into the phone, but she seemed upset. Her voice was a little higher than before, and her shoulders were hunched. I was very good at reading body language, and from the way she was standing I had to say that she was not very impressed with the person she was talking to, whoever he was.

"Whatever." She finally snapped. "I can't do this right now, Andrew. Maybe I'll call you later."

She then she hung up and turned around to see the three of us watching her curiously.

"Who was that?" Matt asked casually, but I picked up the bit of irritation beneath his words and rolled my eyes.

Thank God I didn't have an older brother.

"They seem to think that you were talking to your boyfriend." I said with a shake of my head. "But I said that just because you called him a certain name, doesn’t mean you two are dating."

She looked at me with a blank stare before she nodded slowly. "Lyndsey's right; Andrew's not my boyfriend."

I nodded, relieved that I hadn’t stuck up for her for nothing. But the next words she spoke had my jaw dropping, almost literally to the floor.

"He's my husband."

I stared at her in shock, never expecting those words to come out of her mouth.

Brian looked like he was in that same state as me, but he slowly sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Matt snapped and I looked at him to see his beautiful hazel eyes were nearly glowing with anger. "He's your husband."

She nodded, her eyes downcast. She almost looked ashamed.

Matt was shaking his head. "What the fuck, Memphis!"

"Oh, don't do that to me, Matt." She said with a sigh.

"Do what?" He snapped. "You come home and give me and Brian a guilt trip because of how we treated you before you left, but you never even had the decency to tell us you were fucking married?"

"I was pissed off at you." She shouted. "Why the hell would I tell you I was getting married?"

"I don’t know, Memphis." He said in bitter sarcasm. "Maybe because I'm your older brother, and I would like to know that I have a brother-in-law. Maybe because mom and dad deserved to know."

She rolled her eyes. "It's not like you would have been able to come to the wedding, anyway. We got married overseas, Matt."

"I don’t give a shit, we still should have been told." Matt sighed. "You are unbelievable. And what about him, huh?" Matt tilted his head towards Brian, who hadn’t raised his head yet from his hands.

"What about him?" Memphis snapped and I narrowed my eyes at her, feeling defensive on his behalf. "He had me, Matt. He had the chance to marry me, and he let me go."

"You left." Brian muttered before raising his head, and my heart ached to see the tears in his eyes. "I was ready to ask you to marry me, Mems. But you left, and never gave me the chance."

"You didn’t take the chance-"

"What would you have done?" He asked calmly. "If I had asked you to marry me, what would you have done? Would you have stayed to marry me, to be with me? Or would you have left anyway?"

Memphis stared at him before looking away.

Huffing, he pushed himself to his feet and started towards the door.

"That’s what I thought."

"Brian, won’t you let me explain?"

"What's there to explain? You’re married. That's it."

She sighed and took a step towards him. "Don't walk away-"

"You walked away from me five years ago, Memphis." He shot out. "Maybe now you'll know what it feels like."

And with that he slammed the door, leaving us in silence.

Until Matt decided to say, "How could you do that to him, Memphis?"

"Do what?" She sounded ready to cry.

"How could you break his heart like that?"

"He ended it, Matt, not me. He ended it when he walked away from me."

"You were leaving him."

"But he could have supported me. He could have stood by me, and loved me no matter what
I did with my life."

Matt shook his head. "But you could have told him you were married as soon as you came home. All day he's been trying to think of ways to get you back, ways to convince you that he loves you and that he's sorry. He really hoped and believed that you would give him another chance."

She ran her fingers through her hair and sat down heavily on the couch.

"You lied to him. You lied to all of us."

We both looked at Matt as he shook his head at her, and then looked at me before turning to leave the house.

"Matt, where are you going?"

"To make sure Brian doesn't drink himself half to death again." Matt snapped before looking at me apologetically. "I'll come get you later okay, baby?"

I nodded and watched him leave, though this time the door wasn't slammed.

"Again?" Memphis asked fearfully, turning her eyes on me. "What did my brother mean, Lyndsey?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair before I sat down on the other side of the couch, resting my head back against it.

"Brian became somewhat of an alcoholic after you left. He developed a routine: drink as much as he can at night, sleep during the day to be good for the shows, and then continue; it was like he was trying to erase you from his memory, like…the only way he could stand being without you was to be drunk off his ass." I sighed. "Anyway, he was starting to get better when I met him. He wasn't drinking as much, and the guys said he was starting to get back to his old self."

I paused, starting to feel sick as I thought about what had finally happened.

"And then?" She prodded, her voice lowered to almost a whisper, like mine.

"He snapped." I said simply, not sure how to explain it any other way. "I don't really know why it happened. The guys know, but they haven't told me, but it was something to do with you. But for whatever reason, he lost it and hit the bottle pretty hard." I closed my eyes against the threatening tears and blew out a slow breath before continuing. "Matt and I found him in the bathroom in his house; we'd all been worried because no one had heard from him in a couple days, and I knew that he always called me at least once every day. He's my best friend, you know?" I explained with a shrug.

"But…what happened then?"

"He got help. He doesn’t drink all that often now; he'll have one or two every once in a while, but it's always when we're around to keep an eye on him. He promised me that he wouldn't ever drink more than that."

She was silent for a few moments and I watched as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Do you love him?" I asked suddenly and she looked at me, startled.

"What?"

"Do you love him?"

"Who? Brian?"

"No, this Andrew guy." I waved my hand in a bit of dismissal, feeling somewhat annoyed with her for not saying anything about him sooner.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "What does it matter if I love him or not? He's my husband; of course I love him." She said with so much conviction that I wondered if she said it that way because she meant it, or if she was trying to convince herself, and me, that she did.

I sighed. "You don't have to get defensive, Memphis. It was a simple question."

"Well, I love him." She said again. "I do."

I nodded slowly, even though I didn’t believe her. I smiled a little and patted her shoulder.

"Then I'm happy for you. But I don't envy you, because now you have two angry men two deal with, and so do I."

I stood and started to go to the kitchen, intending to go outside for some fresh air to think.

"You don't think he'll do it again, do you?"

"What?" I asked as I turned to face her.

"You don’t think that…Brian will start drinking again." She looked at me with hopeful eyes. "Do you, Lyndsey?"

I thought about it before shaking my head sadly. "I don’t know. It all depends on how things turn out with you two."

I looked at her for a few more moments, and when she lowered her face into her hands I turned and went outside.

What a mess.