Light breaking the Darkness

Breathe. I told myself. Breathe. My breaths became shorter each time the word repeated itself. Breathe god damnit! I screamed at myself, but nothing was heard. The more I attempted to steady my breathing, the faster I needed to gasp for air. I was screaming at myself behind triple pane of glass.

Deep breathes, I just kept telling myself over and over. I felt my chest relax a little and my breaths seemed to hold more air in them. Steady now I kept commenting just so I could focus on my inner voice and not my breathing.

And then the dark eyes appeared right in my face. I screamed for help. I bolted up to a sitting position and my eyes flew open. Nothing was there. Was it just a dream?

No. It wasn’t. He was getting too close; the warning signals were all over town. Two teen suicides happened in three days. No, I couldn’t risk it. I quickly packed my suitcase and ran to my car. The suitcase was light, I only travelled light. The day was still young, which I was thankful for. I always loved the sunlight, plus it was easier to drive in.

Driving let me gather my thoughts together. Was I really doing the right thing by running? Was it too early? I never even gave my work or landlord any notice, nor would I. No, this was the right decision, I was sure of it. However, the time I was in the town was much shorter than the rest, what the hell was I doing wrong? I followed my pattern. That is the problem, and just then, an eureka moment came. I followed the pattern; it’s the pattern he is following! Why have I been so damn blind? I took the next junction off the motorway, to take the 4th exit to double back on myself.

It’s going be dark by the time you get there. My inner voice warned me. I shook it off, feeling the adrenaline getting pumped through my body. How could I have been so stupid? I laughed at myself, in a sadistic kind of way. Questioning myself and my abilities will certainly make this trip seem less of a journey. The six hours of open road should keep me entertained; all I could do was relax, breathe and drive.

***

The night sky was the only light that lit the path. No street lamps shone; nothing else but the stars and a crescent moon decorating the sky. I gazed up to the light source, wondering for a second if these stars were meant to guide my way. I took my eyes off the sky and I looked to the path ahead of me. And there it was; the cabin I used to visit every year. The change I was longing for in my predictable plan.

I cautiously looked around me, checking the bushes that surrounded this place. Even if my instincts weren’t as strong as they could be, I'd trained them to hear any noise out of place, with 3 years of the intensive training; I hoped it all paid off. The cabin was perfectly situated at the edge of a small forest. I felt my lips curve up, thinking about how I could use this to my advantage.

The slight curve that formed to my lips soon disappeared as my legs moved up the stony path. Each step I took defied them – they wanted to stop, to turn around and run. They wanted anything but to reach the door. I shrugged my feelings aside and forced myself to move with great strength. My legs gave weight once I reached the door. I felt like collapsing to the ground, but my legs were wouldn’t move. Not only were my legs deadweight, my whole body had frozen. Closing my eyes, I thought about the last time I was here, how happy everyone was. But here I was now; alone.

My body resisted me, but I summoned my inner strength to overcome these feelings. The feel of the cold leather of my jacket against my skin brought me back to life. Instinctively my hand reached for the keys inside my pocket. I grabbed the keys inserted them into the lock. It seemed like a lifetime since I last did this motion, it felt foreign to me. It wasn’t until then that I realised my hands were shaking. “Whatever” I murmured to myself, trying to shrug off the negative feelings. The hesitation of my body was frustrated me. The anger built up in me vanished as soon as I heard the click from the door; I turned the knob, pushing the door gently open. Stepping inside, I looked around the cabin that had once been so lively four years ago

It was untouched, and I could see spiders seemed to have enjoyed the peacefulness of the years. Cobwebs were everywhere. Two red oak wooden chairs sat around a coffee table, as well as the matching loveseat. The handcrafted designs screamed out luxury. The cushions that covered them were faded red, probably the only thing in this cabin that didn't have life to it. But it was comforting. Throughout these years, I had been scared to come back to this place hoping that the memories wouldn't come flooding inside of me, overwhelming me. Which is why I was surprised at the warm feeling of this cabin; all the happy memories came flooding back. I let myself smile as I walked over to the loveseat, ignoring the cobwebs.

Closing my eyes at the same time as I lay down made me laugh. I actually laughed, and not in a sadistic kind of way. It was a sound I never thought I would hear again. The sound of my own laughter. It was strange; I had forgotten I even knew how to laugh! It was more like a cackle instead of laughter, but it was a start. I astonished myself. That brought on more and more laughter. Laughter filled this cabin constantly back in the summers I spent here. My cackling must have startled the spiders that inhabited here, but it was actually now turning into fits of laughter. I was sure this was going to cause cracks in my face.

After what seemed like 10 minutes of laughter, I took a few deep breathes to calm myself. Looking around this place certainly made me sad, but I wasn’t going to let the sadness dictate my life. I was exhausted after letting so much emotion out, which I never knew was possible. I was full of surprises tonight it seemed. I closed my eyes gently, and before realising it, sleep grabbed a hold of me.

I pushed my arm towards my face to block the sunlight that was blasting on it. Sunlight? It was morning already? I grinned as I shot up. Yes, it was morning! I couldn’t be happier; maybe because I had a nice sleep for once, no nightmares. I swung my legs over the loveseat, feeling the wooden floor underneath my bare feet; I must have kicked my shoes and socks off during the night. Quickly finding my shoes and putting them on, I raced to my car. Still having the keys in my pocket I reached for the car fob to unlock the boot. I pushed the button in and lift the boot door up. Taking a glance at the sun I smiled; I was safe for now. The only time I could rest was when the sun was blaring. I roughly grabbed a hold of my suitcase to drag it out of the boot, wanting to be quick as possible. Every minute of this sunshine meant I could do some effective job hunting, or relaxation. I closed the boot door and locked up my car. Dragging the suitcase over the stoned pavement was hard, but with it being light it made it much easier. Leaving the door wide open was a good idea. I set my suitcase out on the coffee table.

I unzipped the suitcase fully and left it hanging open, digging through the small amount of clothes I placed in the suitcase to find a towel. I soon felt my fingertips brush the Egyptian cotton, and I pulled it out from the bottom of my clothes. Putting the towel on the chair that was closest to me, I grabbed a pair of shorts and a plain light blue vest top. I quickly undressed, leaving my clothes on the floor where I stepped out of them, then changed into my new clothes that I picked out. My black Sketchers I wore before were now traded with a pair of Nike trainers. I adjusted my hair, tying some loose blonde strands back into my tight ponytail. Feeling ready, I left the cabin and locked up, putting my keys in one of the zipped pockets on the shorts. I had already strapped an mp3 player round my arm so the final touch was placing the headphones in my ears. I now felt completely ready for my morning run.

I knew this town better than any other I visited. I knew there was a short cut in the woods to take me to the park, but I decided against it, thinking the longer I ran the better. I had to keep my endurance up. After about 10 songs, which I guessed was about thirty minutes, I reached the park. I smiled; it still hasn’t changed. There was a pond in the middle for paddle boats and swans, which was lined up by many park benches and trees surrounding it. It was quite small in comparison to other parks, but it was big enough to hide in. Wanting to remember this park, I settled down on a park bench panting weakly. The male next to me looked at me. I must have looked awful; all hot and sweaty, with no make-up on and my hair pinned up. True, I didn’t care much about my appearance, but I still had to make an impression against anyone, and I felt naked without make up on. My whole life feels like make-up, covering up the truth. I could feel his stare on me, so I turned around to face him, ready to snap at him to mind his own business.

“Jules, is that you?” His voice was filled with excitement, and curiosity.
No freaking way. I knew those intense brown eyes from somewhere. “Owen?” I asked back, confirming my identity.
His voice was only filled with excitement now, which rushed his speech, “Juliana Hall, what a pleasant surprise to see you! Why haven’t you been here all these the years? It seems like ages since we talked. And where’s what’s-his-name?” Air caught in my throat, I knew exactly who he was on about. I didn’t want to hear that name out loud.
I cleared my throat so I wouldn’t sound croaky, but it didn’t work. “Oh, I kind of ran away from home 3 years ago. Has my family not been coming back here?” I knew the answer to that as well. Now I just wanted to run off into the woods and back to my cabin, but I felt awful just leaving so suddenly. Plus I don’t think my legs would allow it just yet.
His body relaxed, and he threw his right arm on the edge of the seat to face me more, “Really? You ran away?” His eyebrow shot up and I was embarrassed. Well, what else was I going to say? “And no, they haven’t.”
I smiled faintly, “Must have been hard coming back here with so many memories of me. Actually, that’s why I came here; I was looking for them.” No; I was escaping the reality of the situation. I knew I would never see them again.
“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help, so why are you here?” Curiosity coloured his voice now, and I had to think fast.
“Well, I’m looking for a job, and the last place I was at didn’t work out… So I came to a place I know to help.” I smiled sweetly at him, hoping this act was convincible.
He gave me a toothy grin, knowing some insight already, “well Dave is looking for a new girl behind the bar. Immediate start too, but I don’t think you’ll like the uniform.”
“Really?” I perked up with excitement, “where is his place?”
“It’s just outside town, I could take you if you want.” I shook my head quickly when he offered; being close to someone is never the plan. “Oh, okay, you know where Gluttony used to be? Maybe you were too young… But he took over that and made it,” his face showed him thinking about the next word to use, “classy.”
I beamed a smile at him, “Oh, I know where it is! Thanks!” I was all excited now, but working in a club? Could I seriously do that? I guess it does open and close late so it is an advantage, “we should hang out sometime.” The latter part of my speech was giving him false hope, but I couldn’t care anymore. I wasn’t the girl he knew four years ago.
“Yeah, probably Wednesday...” His voice trailed off, and I took this as an opportunity to leave.
I peaked up as soon as he gave me the opportunity, “I better finish off my run, nice seeing you again Owen.” I called out, already starting to run.

That was a quick escape. It also made me think of how many people in town would recognise me. I hoped not many, after four years people would have forgotten the childish immature me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem the case. Nevertheless, it could help me get a job. If people knew me, they might be more lenient to take me on, maybe Dave will. My parents were respectful, why shouldn’t they expect me to be? I took that shortcut in the woods I thought about earlier, and within twenty minutes I saw the cabin in sight.

I clocked about fifty minutes of running, or maybe more – I was guessing only by how many songs I listened to. It wasn’t my best time and I felt I could have went longer but I was just avoiding anyone else who may have wanted to strike up a conversation. I wasn’t ready for catch-ups just yet. My main priority was finding a job to support myself and to avoid self-pity. Inside the cabin, I quickly stripped off and reached for the towel that I put aside. Feeling the soft cotton against my sweat-soaked skin was a wonderful feeling. I reached for the front door handle, making sure I locked it behind me before turning right down the hall way to shower.

Stepping into the shower awakened me, after I pounded the shower unit multiple of times. The cold water running against my body relaxed me. Suddenly I forgot about today’s event as I let the water run down my slender body. Feeling refreshed and clean after the shower, I quickly got dressed and blew dried my hair for a while. With it being waist-length long, it almost took about twenty minutes to dry. It wasn’t completely dried, but it’ll do for now. I was too impatient with these sorts of things, even if I was patient in other aspects of my life. Putting some make up on only took 5 minutes. Time to go hunt for a job and pray to God, or whoever, that no one will bring up the past.