Something Better

Kristen’s P.O.V.

The arithmetic music started to play as I walked down the isle with my father on my arm. If he wasn’t there to hold me back, I would’ve sprinted all the way to Kevin. I wanted to be up there with him so bad… It was hard to hold myself back.

It was as if nobody else was in the large room. All I could see was Kevin, standing on the altar looking amazing in his glorifying beauty. I can’t believe I will finally be able to call him mine. I can’t believe I can actually make love to him without feeling guilty. Not that it ever stopped me before…

I decided to block out the bad thoughts about looking fat in my wedding dress. I didn’t want to think about how this will haunt me the rest of my life. I didn’t want to think about how when I look back at pictures, all I will be able to see is my ginormous stomach popping out of no where. I didn’t want to think about what my children will think when they see pictures of me like this. That one of them was conceived before marriage… That is supposed to happen after the wedding. What will my grandkids think…

SHUT UP KRISTEN!!

I mentally slapped myself as my dad handed me over to Kevin. My dad smiled to me as he let go. It looked as if he was tearing up himself… and my dad is not someone to cry! But, if anyone should cry, I guess now would be the right time. I mean, look at my mother! She’s in the front with Kevin’s parents. Of course, though, she’s not sitting next to my father. It would have been nice if they could have held off on the divorce until after the wedding. Because then they could-

I lost my train of thought as I looked into Kevin’s eyes. They were so… so full of love. Like, he was so happy to see me right then and there. Psh, he better be. I had a good mind to wait until after the baby was born to get married. At least then I would look more normal.

Okay, can I seriously stop thinking about how horrible I look right now and just enjoy the moment?

No, probably not.

I was so lost in Kevin’s eyes that it took me a while to realize that the priest was now speaking. “… gathered here together today to unite this couple in matrimony. S they can live with each other forever and ever. To live out the plan that God gave them to follow.”

My mind started wandering again when I realized that, technically, we weren’t living out God’s plan. Kevin and I already slept with each other. I mean, come on! Why does everything always have to remind me that I did something horrible?! Can’t the priest already see that I’m pregnant and not put me through all this agony? I swear I could feel everyone’s eyes only on me. I suddenly felt the sudden urge to curl up in a ball, go find a corner, and hide there until this whole thing was over.

Over dramatic much? Fucking hormones…

Kevin smiled at me reassuringly and squeezed one of my hands. He must have noticed my flustered face. But as soon as I saw his swoon-worthy smile, all my worries flew away again. All I could concentrate on was him.

Seriously, if Kevin wasn’t in my life, I’d be so screwed!

The priest did some more rambling about normal marriage stuff. No offense, but can we just get this done and over with? I want to just go home and be in Kevin’s arms already!

As my mind kept wandering on about stupid crap, it was finally time to say our vows.

Shit… I think I forgot mine. Damn it! Oh, I hope Kevin goes first. Hopefully after his I can think of something quick and loving to say.

“And now, Paul Kevin would like to share his vows.” said the priest. Thank the Lord!

Kevin let go of my hands and then took out a piece of paper form his pocket. He unfolded the paper and looked deeply into my eyes. He then started to read, every now and again looking into my eyes.

“Kristen, as much as I love writing songs about how I feel about you, there was no way to describe every little detail of my love for you in only a few minutes. I would need a whole week, at the least. So, as you can probably tell, I had kind of a hard time writing this.” The big church erupted in a fitful of laughter. I smiled wide at Kevin. I think I needed a small joke like that to help lesson the tension for me.

Once the church had quieted down, Kevin continued. “Baby, you mean everything to me. You mean the world to me. No, more than the world. The world is worth less than a penny compared to you. I just… I can’t possibly explain my love for you. There are no words to describe. I’m more than willing to give my life away for you. I would suffer a thousand deaths for you. It’s incredible how much you mean to me. That’s why, marrying you is the best thing I could do. I am going to take good care of you and our child. I’m going to make sure you live in a good home, have everything you could ever imagine, and more. You are such an amazing person, Kristen. I could never dream of loosing you, and I don’t know what would happen if I did. I know a lot of people say that, but I seriously mean it when I say that. I’m so happy, in words that I can’t explain, that you accepted my hand in marriage. I love you Kristen Anne, and always will.”

I don’t even know how the church responded to that. I could see nothing but Kevin. I could not focus on anyone but Kevin. I realized then that he was my main priority until the baby, and that I had nothing to worry about with being a parent. For once this day, I felt at ease. I was no longer worried about my vows. I knew what I was going to say.

Kevin had to clear his throat in order for me to come back to earth and realize that everyone was looking at me to deliver my vows. Yet, I was still not scared. I didn’t exactly look at Kevin when I started speaking. I sort of looked at the wall behind him.

“Every day I ask myself, ‘How did I end up with this amazing man?’ What could I have possibly ever done to make God think that we belong together?” I looked Kevin straight in the eyes now.

“I always think that I’m not enough for you, that you deserve so much better than me. I know that you could have any girl you wanted out there, anyone at all. But somehow you still hang on to me as if you couldn’t possibly live without me. I would even tell you that most of the time, so this way you could just leave me and find a better woman fit for you. And then you would always give me this confused look that made me feel awkward and out of place. Then you would cradle my face in your hands, look me straight in the eyes, and say, ‘Kristen, stop it right now. If I wanted someone else, trust me when I say that I would have been gone already. You are the only one I want. The only one that will ever complete my life and make me feel like I can do anything and everything. I love you, and you better believe it.’ Those words never used to get to me. I would just roll my eyes and continue to complain. But right now, right here, I finally realized that your words are true, that you would never ever give me up for someone else, even if they were prettier, or more talented, r more whatever than me. You really love me as much, even more, than you say so. And it took me until now to finally realize it. Do you even realize how sad that is? I mean, even when you proposed to me I still had doubts. But… not I finally understand it. I finally understand how much I mean to you. And all I can say to that, is that I feel the same exact way. My feeling for you are indescribable. I don’t know where I would be in this world without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have this baby with you, and live in a house with you. All I can say is that I really and truly love you, Kevin.”

I smiled up at him again as quiet tears ran down my cheeks. Kevin didn’t try to stop them this time. He just stood there, staring at me like a blind man seeing the sun for the very first time. I could tell he wasn’t expecting that from me. Neither did I actually. I’m pretty sure my real vows were different than that. But the way he worded his vows, the way he said them with such confidence, made me realize that the whole time I was with him, he never even so much as looked at another girl. He never thought of another girl the way he did about me. He’s always loved me, since the very beginning. And I was too much of a dumb ass to even realize it.

Finally, as I could hear everyone in the church clapping and cheering, Kevin smiled the slightest bit at me. My smile grew bigger, showing off my teeth as I realized that he also took my vows to heart. Slowly, his smile widened, also showing off his perfect teeth, and looked at me like I was the only thing he could see in the room. Now I think I realize how I must have looked after he read his vows.

As the clapping kept on, I could see a few tears forming in Kevin’s eyes. But you know what, at a time like this, only a real man would cry.

The priest then cleared his throat and went on babbling again about… you know what? I really don’t know. I was way to preoccupied with Kevin that I didn’t even notice the priest was speaking until he said Kevin’s name.

“Do you, Paul Kevin Jonas II, take Kristen Anne Waters to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, all the days of your life?”

Kevin didn’t hesitate. “I do.”

The priest turned to me. “Do you, Kristen Anne Waters, take Paul Kevin Jonas II, to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, all the days of your life?”

Right when I was about to say ‘I do,’ the baby kicked me. So I stood there for a second until I could find my brain again to answer. “Um… I-I do.”

Damn it I stuttered! I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, and this time, they were actually there. I felt my cheeks turn 100 different shades of red, if that was even possible. Kevin furrowed his brows together and gave me a strange look. He mouthed, ‘Are you okay?’

I turned to the whole crowd. “No, no. My reaction wasn’t like that. You see, right when I was about to answer, the baby kicked me. It just startled me so my answer was a little bit delayed.” I smiled slightly to everyone and then turned back to Kevin. He looked very much relieved.

“Sorry babe. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I do want to marry you.” I bit my lip nervously as I put both my hands on my little moment-ruiner-bump-thing. Also known as, my baby.

Kevin smiled wide at me, signaling that he understood, and just kissed me. He put both his hands on either side of my face and kissed me fiercely.

I heard people laughing and clapping, then everything started to blur away except for me and Kevin. Seriously, what’s new? Basically the entire time it was just me and him. Except for the part when the stupid little bump has to go and kick me, but let’s not relive that, shall we?

Finally, Kevin was mine.