Something Better

I felt heavy weight on my left arm, like someone was keeping it down so I wouldn’t be able to move it. But my right arm was perfectly fine. What the hell? Is my left arm freaking deranged or something?

I tried opening my eyes to see why I couldn’t move my arm, but now my eyes wouldn’t open. Am I slowly becoming paralyzed or something?! What the fuck?!

As I was mentally freaking out, I heard some mumbling noises not to far away. It sounded like some people were talking in low voices that were just above whispers.

“How are we going to get him to come home?” A woman asked.

He? Who’s he? Last time I checked I was a girl…

“I know. He’s been here for over five days… He hasn’t even showered.” A man answered.

Seriously, who are they talking about? Am I in heaven or something? Did I die? Well, I’m pretty sure people aren’t paralyzed in heaven… Or did I go to hell? Shit, that can’t be good…

“I don’t know Paul… I just hope she wakes up soon. I don’t think we’re getting him to move anywhere until he knows she’s alright.” The woman said.

Who the fuck are these people talking about? Hopefully, I’m the girl, because that would be really freaky if I was the ‘he’ in this conversation.

“Yeah, I know. Ever since he lost the child, I don’t think he wants to take any chances with Alyssa.” The man said.

My heart literally stopped beating at that exact moment.

The baby? What baby? My baby? Well, they said my name so… No. It can’t be. My heart didn’t want to believe that those people were talking about my baby, but my brain was telling me the exact opposite…

No. They couldn’t be. They just can’t… It could totally be someone else’s baby that was lost.

Right?

I tried to see if I could feel the weight on my stomach that was usually there from my child, but I couldn’t feel my stomach. I couldn’t feel anything below my stomach actually… It was all numb. And I didn’t want to feel my stomach with my right hand until I knew those people were gone. I didn’t want them to know that I was awake. Not yet anyway. I didn’t want them telling me the truth which I did not want to believe. I wanted to think that my child was still in my stomach, still growing like any normal, healthy child would be. After the fight with Joe, I didn’t need another reason to be upset. I didn’t need something else that would only make me feel emptier inside… At least with my child I have a reason for living. Before this, Joe was my one and only.

Joe.

I wonder what happened to him. And… I do distinctly remember blacking out. Am I in the hospital? Did I paralyze myself? Is something really wrong with my baby?!

I felt tears weld up in my closed eyes. My heart was breaking more and more, slowly by the second. Reality was finally catching up to me.

Please God, let my baby be okay. I can’t stand to lose two of the people that I love most in this world… I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive. I just can’t handle it. What would be my purpose in life then? I can’t even think about it…

Just then I felt my left arm move, like something else was moving it. And just as quickly as it started, it stopped. It felt like something was rubbing up against it, but there was still that weight on my arm…

Where the fuck am I?! I am so confused right now!

The woman sighed and started talking again. “Paul, let’ just leave them be. Let’s go home and wait and see if Joe calls us to let us know if she’s awake or not. We can’t just stand here and take up space. Let’s just go.”

I also heard the man, or Paul, sigh and answer the woman. “Yes, you’re right. I don’t want to be in the way if they need to check up on her. Let’s go.” I heard some shuffling noises and a door open and close.

Could those people have been Denise and Paul, Joe’s parents? It sounded like them, especially since they were talking about me and… the other guy they were talking about. Could that have been Joe? Has he been here with me the time I’ve been… Wherever the hell I am. Probably in the hospital, since they were talking about checking up on me.

The baby!!

My hand instantly shot to my stomach to try and feel if the familiar bump was still there.

My stomach was flat.

My eyes shot open and looked down at my flat stomach. I didn’t even bother trying to see where I was or why I was half paralyzed at the moment. I really didn’t even care. My baby was gone, my life was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t even get to see what it looked like, if it had Joe’s features…

I let the tears fall freely down my cheeks and into my sobbing mouth, the salty taste not even getting my attention for one second. I screamed as loud as I could. I didn’t care who heard me, I just let out this bloodcurdling scream that probably shook the whole planet. But why should I care? My planet was already destroyed…

Suddenly, I felt the weight lift off of my left arm. “What?! Who- What happened?!” I heard someone yell. I looked over to my left and saw Joe through my teary eyes, looking at me frantically. He was the weight that was on my left arm. He was probably sleeping…

“Are you okay?” He asked. His face got closer to mine, getting ready to do anything that I needed him to.

“Th-the b… b-baby…” I choked out, then started sobbing again. I closed my eyes again as I sobbed. My stomach was throbbing in pain from my hard-core crying.

I suddenly felt arms wrap around my now tiny body and Joe’s hot breath on my face. “I know, baby. I know. I right here for you. I’m never letting you go again. Never.”

I would say that this was a special moment. Joe was right by me again. I would have been so happy to feel his arms around me again, but I couldn’t be happy. Not when I knew my whole life was just taken from me. I couldn’t make this even seem like a happy moment, because it wasn’t even close. I just let Joe hold me as the whole world around me crumbled to the floor.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again.