Disorder

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you come over here and suck me?” Gerard called playfully across the room to Mikey.

The brunette grinned, licked his lips and purred, “Well, if you don’t mind an audience.” The brothers burst into laughter and Gerard jumped over to where Mikey was tuning his bass. He stole the bass, shoved Mikey against the wall with it and pinned the bass against his throat.

“Don’t tease me, man.”

Mikey laughed and sputtered, “I… can’t…BREATHE!”

Ray and Matt, standing far away from each other due to another dispute, watched the play-fight before them, laughing themselves at Gerard’s obvious happiness, which had not been too apparent lately, and the shining twinkle in Mikey’s eyes, indicating that Gerard was not the only happy person there. While Ray and Matt didn’t think this was more than brotherly love, Frank had other ideas.

Frank was never a stupid person. He not only thought that they brothers were being too happy, but he also suspected that they were, he shuddered to think, involved.

He had first noticed it a couple weeks ago, when Gerard and Mikey had come waltzing in the recording studio, standing a bit closer together than usual. Another suspicious instance, and what had caused Frank to become really leery was when he found Gerard and Mikey alone together behind the recording studio. Normally, that would be expected; just two guys taking a break from work and having a smoke. But Gerard had Mikey pinned against the brick wall, his hands in Mikey’s back pockets and his lips a mere inch away from his brother’s neck.

Instead of pressing the scene further, Frank pretended he didn’t see and ran back inside, stuffing some chips and salsa in his mouth to prevent telling anyone else.

The reason for Frank’s silence would be that he still had the memory of Gerard’s eyes, so captivatingly beautiful, all the sinister cruelty behind the twinkle making them all the more attractive. Frank just couldn’t get those hazel orbs of magnificence out of his mind. He tried to tell himself that he didn’t feel anything, aside from friendship, for the off-center leader of the band. That what was raging through him at that very moment, seeing Gerard and Mikey flirt as they were, was simply… concern for the well-being of the band. That’s all. Yep, nothing more to see there.

“I suppose that I’ll spare your life. For now.” Gerard said kindly, unbarring the bass from Mikey’s throat and stepping back. They grinned at each other for a moment, sharing secret thoughts of I could love no one like I love you.

A buzzing disrupted their intense gaze and Mikey pulled his cell phone out of his hoodie pocket. “Hello?” He said, still grinning at Gerard, but no longer with passion-eyes. “Oh, hey, Mum. No, we’re at the recording studio. Why?” Mikey paused, letting his mother speak. His face suddenly went from an amused grin to a grimace of grief. “What…?” He dropped the phone and turned to Gerard. “Gee… Grandma’s dead.”

Gerard didn’t react immediately, “What?” He asked, grimacing himself, but not from the news Mikey has just relayed, but because Gerard, - cold-hearted, cruel Gerard, was sympathizing with his little brother.

Ray and Frank, however, had heard what Mikey had said and they were already standing next to Mikey, offering their condolences.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Gerard asked, shoving Ray out of the way to see Mikey’s face.

“That was Mom on the phone. She… She called to say that Gr-Grandma died.” Mikey whispered, biting his lower lip.

Now Gerard has heard it, but in disbelief, “What?”

“Gee, please…” Mikey whimpered, he didn’t want to relay the message again. Those words left a sour taste in his mouth and sent shooting stabs of pain through him.

Mikey and his Grandmother had never been close, hence Mikey kind of didn’t love his Grandmother. She always paid Gerard the most attention and that’s why Mikey was so distraught over her death. Not for his own personal grievance, but because he knew that Gerard would fall apart in a matter of seconds.

Right on cue, Gerard backed away quickly from the guys and turned on his heel. He shoved the door open and ran. He didn’t pay any attention to where he was headed, he didn’t think to. He was just thinking: No… she can’t be.

Faintly, he heard someone calling after him, and he just kept running.

At last, he came to a stop in the middle of a forest. Pale moonlight slivered through the leaves and cast shadows dancing, taunting him and mocking his pain. A few crickets chirped nearby, oblivious to the human stumbling around the forest in what could have been portrayed as a drunken stagger.

Gerard sat down on the damp earth, gazing unseeingly into the dense trees, too pain-ridden to notice anything. The pain clogged his mind, hazed his vision. For all he knew, he could have been sitting at home, in another one of his intoxicated sessions.

She’s not dead…she’s not dead. He repeated to himself over and over again; the only activity in his mentality. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, rocking slightly - back and forth, back and forth.

On the went ground he sat for a long time, completely unaware of the time passing. Just keeping his rhythmic rocking and thinking the same line, over and over again.

Distantly, through the dark foliage, he noticed the twinkle of a single star, burning brightly, millions of miles away.

“Gerard….Gerard!” Came a voice from somewhere in the trees. He recognized the voice as Ray’s but paid no attention to it, continuing what he had been.

“Gerard, please… please answer me! Gerard…” This time it was Mikey calling out. Gerard remembered, through his grief, what he had promised himself: that he would never hurt Mikey. He felt that by hiding in the trees, he was hurting Mikey; keeping himself from the only person who understood him.

“I…I’m over here!” He yelled, not standing up. The yelling of his name ceased and Gerard could hear the snapping of twigs and thick rustle of leaves as they made their way towards him.

“Oh, Gerard.” Mikey sobbed, being the first in line. He threw himself at his brother, unfolded the arms wrapped around his knees, and wrapped his own arms tightly around Gerard’s waist. “You scared me so much…”

“Sorry.” Gerard replied, enfolding his arms around Mikey’s neck. “I’m so sorry…” Gerard felt the tears stinging, wanting to run down his face in streaks of apparent sorrow.

“I’m sorry too, Gee. But she’s in a better place now. You have to remember that. She’ll always love you, and she’ll always be with you.” Mikey whispered, sitting down next to Gerard. He flicked his wrist at Ray and Frank, signaling that he could handle this and it would be better if they left.

Frank and Ray left, following the trampled path they had made in their haste to find Gerard. Neither of them spoke, too lost in their own thoughts to make them known.

“I already miss her.” Gerard said, suppressing a shuddering sob. He leaned into Mikey, putting his face in his chest.

“It’s okay to miss her. You love her. You’ll always love her. And it’s okay to cry.” Mikey placed his hand on the back of Gerard’s head, fingering the hair in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

It’s okay to cry. Gerard repeated to himself. All of his life he had resisted crying in public for any reason. It just wasn’t in his personality to display his emotions, other than anger or disdain, in public. But this was a special circumstance, and Mikey was a special person.

With that sorted through, Gerard let the unshed tears flow down his face, leaving the anticipated smudge of mourning on his pale skin. His body shook, and convulsed with the power of a panic attack, but in reality, all that plagued him was the suppressed sobs, held in those short hours and already built behind his regular breath.

Mikey continued to run his hands through Gerard’s hair, softly cooing at him things like, “It’ll be alright.”

“I love you so much, Mikey.” Gerard garbled through his tears. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you too, Gee. I’ll always love you.” Mikey replied, kissing the top of Gerard’s head.

“Please kiss me.” Gerard whispered, lifting his head and looking into his little brother’s eyes.

Mikey abided his request and pressed him lips tenderly to Gerard’s, pulling him closer to him. Gerard wrapped his arms tighter around Mikey’s neck, and opened his mouth, exhaling and breathing in his brother’s scent. It was oddly comforting, to breathe in the familiar smell of Mikey’s cologne and breath, mingled together with Gerard’s own musky aroma and the sharp fragrance of the dense trees, surrounding them in their moments of passion.

Gerard was the one to break the kiss, feeling more tears rise and demand to be released. He shuddered into Mikey’s chest once again and the latter caressed Gerard’s face, whispering, “I love you, so much. I love you…”

[[That was a bit shorter than usual... Eh, they can't all be long.]]