Disorder

“Mr. Way, you don’t seem to understand the level of maturity and responsibility we expect here at Cartoon Network industries. Frankly, you are just not living up to the standards. It is with little regret that we have decided to let you go,” the 4 bosses of the company said. They all sat on one side of the long table, adorned with lacy doilies and coffee cups that said “Me boss. You not.”

“Mr. Way?” One of them said when Gerard didn’t respond. Gerard stopped staring at a blue stain on one of the doilies and focused on the old man sitting before him. He could see himself in the old man’s glasses. He leaned forward a little and studied his own reflection. The first thing he noticed was how dull his eyes were. 6 months ago they were alive, full of malicious fire. Now, they lacked any feeling and were no longer terrifying to look into.

They were kind of like the eyes of the dead.

“Mr. Way!” the same old man snapped, leaning away from Gerard. He had been slowly inching his way toward the old man’s face, unknowingly, of course.

“I’m sorry?” Gerard sat back in the chair. His voice sounded flat to his own ears. It certainly didn’t have any kind of it’s usual luster to it that made people drop to their feet.

“You’re fired! Now get the fuck out!” Carl, or more lovingly known as ‘Carly Baby’ yelled, standing up so quickly he knocked his chair over.

Gerard merely looked at him, too stoned to react quickly.

Carly Baby blinked a couple times, picked his chair back up and sat down, studying Gerard’s pasty skin and apathetic face set. “Mr. Way, if you do not leave immediately, then we will be forced to call the authorities to escort you out of the building and perhaps to the sheriff’s department. I advise you to leave now..”

“Maturity? You’re at a fucking cartoon industry. You make stupid puns and soft innuendo. How in the fucking hell do you expect your employee’s to have maturity?” Gerard demanded. His voice was deliberate and slow. A dull pounding aggravated his left temple.

“I’m calling the authorities,” one of the men said, picking up a black cord phone.

“No. I’ll escort myself out. Have a nice day, fuckers.”

Outside, Kat was leaning against his car. “Hey, Gerard,” she said and kissed him on the cheek.

“Kat.” Gerard nodded at her. He turned his attention to the door handle of the car and tried to grasp it in his dry hands.

“Are you okay?” Kat noticed Gerard’s lack of movement control.

“Yeah. I just got fired. And I’m a little stoned,” Gerard replied truthfully. His words seemed to mash together into one long, drawn-out drawl.

Kat registered Gerard’s words and frown lines creased her face. “Gerard, what is the matter with you? And don’t give me any bullshit ‘panic attacks make me fucking cranky.’ You haven’t even had a panic attack in months,” she paused to let Gerard respond. He was still trying to open the car door. “I’m not letting you drive. You’ve been getting stoned a lot lately,” she shoved him out of the way with her hip. Instead of going to the other side of the car, he just leaned against the corvette, watching Kat.

“Who exactly are you to be disappointed in me?” Gerard asked aloud. He had been thinking it and when he received no clear answer, he decided to just ask Kat himself.

“I’m your girlfriend, Gerard.” Kat stuck her head out of the car window and glared at him, “Now get the fuck into the car.”

“No.”

“Gerard! Get in!”

“Why? You don’t support anything I do. Everything I do is wrong, stupid, unhealthy or unfair. Well, Kat, baby… I’ve got news for you. I can’t be a fucking saint and I don’t want to be your lackey. Let me live my life how I want to! If I want to fucking drink then you better let me chug all the damn alcohol I want. And if I want to get stoned off of my fucking prescription then you better let me. I swear to God, I will kill you,” the words tripped and stumbled out of Gerard’s mouth like a drunk man leaving the bar. He hunched over the car, blocking out the sun from Kat’s view like a daunting cloud, threatening to throw a downpour of pain.

“I hate you,” Kat shoved the door open, making sure it hit Gerard in the stomach and slammed it behind her.

Already Gerard was regretting his words. Either he truly did care for Kat or he was coming down from his pill high. Regardless, he wanted to eat the words he vomited at Kat, wanted to swallow the pain he knew he caused her.

Kat walked away, her head held high in the air, trying to walk with the demeanor of someone who had her life under control. Inside, she was running for her life; tripping on everything and drowning in Gerard’s words. She got about 10 feet away before she felt a rough hand grab her own.

“Kat, honey… I’m… I love you.” Gerard whispered. Kat didn’t turn around and tried to keep walking. “Kat, please… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. It’s the pills. They change me. I didn’t mean any of it. You’re my world, Kat. I can’t live with out you,” he said quickly, feeling tears prick him behind his dead eyes.

Kat finally turned around, he beautiful dark skin on her face was splotched with red, and her icy blue eyes appeared bloodshot. “Alright, Gerard. One more chance. Because that is all I h-have left for you. B-but you have to m-make me a promise,” she managed to get her words out with out bursting into sobs, so that seemed a good sign.

“Anything, Kat.”

“Give up the booze and drugs.”

Gerard groaned and he appeared to deflate. “Pick anything else.”

“No, you have to choose. Me or the drugs,” Kat demanded, she rubbed her eyes with her knuckles.

“That’s not… fair.”

“Everything I do is unfair.” Kat whispered.

“Fuc…f-fine,” he was already regretting his choice more than he regretted his outburst to Kat. How would he ever go the rest of his life without alcohol or his pills? Imagine the panic attacks he would have to suffer with out these things to stage them off. “What about my panic attacks?”

“Baby, it’s me or the pills. You decide,” Part of Kat kind of wanted Gerard to choose the life-sucking drugs rather than her. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with him and his issues anymore. She loved Gerard, she was sure of it. But sometimes, the things you love are the hardest to hold on to.

“Fine. But if I fucking die…” he didn’t know what he was about to say. It was an empty threat, hanging over their heads.

“You won’t die without the liver damage, Gerard,” Kat slammed the door to the passenger’s side extra hard and turned away from Gerard. The whole car ride she stayed like that; withdrawn and silent.

“Kat, are we alright then?” Gerard asked stopping on her street, but a few buildings away from hers. The throbbing in his left temple was more intense now that he was sober. Everything seemed to move in surreal speeds. But it all was understandable. He had been living under a blanket of drugs for a while now. That much abuse doesn’t go away in half-an-hour.

“Yeah. We’re… we’re alright now. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Love you, bye,” she fled from the car and practically ran into her apartment building. She caught the closing elevator and sighed in relief when she saw no one else in it. She leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees. How wrong she was to think that Gerard would never hurt her…

What Kat doesn’t know, won’t hurt her. Gerard thought popping in a few pills. He washed them down with a swig of vodka, hidden underneath the driver’s seat. He didn’t like the feeling of being sober. It was like a rude, fat man dressed in spandex trying to sell you a car; obnoxious and annoying. He would much rather spend his days hidden in the safety of his mind, even if it moved too slowly.

He drove home at the same pace as his mind, letting the music swirl lazily through his ears. He closed his eyes, savoring the relaxing effect the combined alcohol and xanax gave him.

Miraculously, he arrived home with out a single car accident happening with his intoxicated state.

“Hello, mother.” Gerard greeted his mother. She turned towards him with disdain etched into her features. Lately, Gerard hadn’t been so scary. Donna took advantage of that and used sharp voices on Gerard. It was really all she could do. She was still afraid, that even as fucked up Gerard had been recently, she still feared that he would tear off her face this time, instead of leaving it gnarled and bumpy.

“Gerard, go clean your room!” She snapped at him. That was the most demanding thing she demanded from him, for the same reasons of fear.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Alright, then.”

He trudged down the stairs and saw Mikey kissing a girl with cropped blonde hair and a belly shirt on.

“No whores in my basement,” Gerard said.

“She’s not a whore! Jeanna, this is Gerard, my fucked up older brother.” Mikey glared at Gerard. Jeanna nodded at Gerard and resumed kissing Mikey.

“You better not get any STD juice on my floor,” Gerard closed the door behind him and cranked up a Madonna CD. He must have fallen asleep because he was rudely awakened by Mikey.

“What?” Gerard grumbled, turning over on his stomach. Bad move… he leaned over his bed, snatched a garbage can and vomited into it.

“Hangover.” Mikey stated, watching Gerard vomit again with distaste.

“Good guess, Sherlock,” Gerard wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and washed away the taste of vomit with a mouthful of three-day-old beer.

“Smart,” Mikey observed, “Make yourself more drunk and prolong your hangover. Asshole.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Gerard said in an exasperated voice. He didn’t need to deal with Mikey’s bitchings. If he wanted a bitch-fest, then he would call up Kat.

“She told me to make sure you follow her ‘rules,’” Mikey said, with the slightest hint of a smirk.

“Oh? And what rules do you speak of?” Gerard’s face set into a mask of defeat. Part of him knew that this is how Mikey would get his revenge on Gerard for being such an ass. Another part of Gerard hoped that the few times of brotherly love would withstand this threat.

“Come on, Gee. You know. Right now you’re breaking one of them,” Mikey’s eyes appraised the near empty beer bottle, a few centimeters away from Gerard’s chapped lips. He was very prepared to use this against Gerard, a threat to hold to Gerard’s throat. Finally, Mikey had some power over his big brother.

“This is pathetic of you. Are you seriously going to threaten me by being a tattletale?” Gerard put heavy emphasize on the T’s in ‘tattletale’ and used an incredulous tone.

“Are you seriously going to threaten the knife near the rope to your and Kat’s relationship?” Mikey was full on smirking now. It was hard not to, when you ultimately end up with more control than your big brother, whom you though to be a cruel god.

The older Way shook his head, unable to believe that Mikey would stoop so low as to hold this over him.

“You know what, Mikey? Go ahead, tell Kat whatever the fuck you want to,” Gerard snickered, glad to wipe the smirk off of Mikey’s face, “She’s been getting on my nerves lately anyway. Go ahead, do me a favor. Get this bitch off my back. Let me live my life. And while you’re at it, why don’t you fuck her? She is, after all… a bit of a slut and she’ll make you happy. Or wait… are you too busy sucking off your midget friend Frank?”

Mikey’s jaw went slack, his eyes widened and he stared at Gerard. “That’s… that’s not… f-fair,” he whispered. From what he knew, Gerard was supposed to be begging him to not tell Kat anything. Especially under his intoxicated state.

“Nothing I do if fair.” Gerard said, with venomous articulation. He had only spent a few hours with out his pills, and already he could feel a bit of an old friend boiling under his skin; his old personality. He was prepared to welcome this back with open arms. But, there was a nagging sense in the back of his head that reminded Gerard of his other mind deformity: the panic attacks. They were the reason he even started to abuse the pills in the first place.

Mikey stood there, fingering the bed post, before wrapping Gerard in his arms and planting a kiss on his head. He left the room, closing the door carefully behind him.