Keep Breathing My Angel
Mistaken For An Angel
I woke up and tried to roll over a little without waking Craig as his arm was still wrapped over me and I failed.
“Hhhmmmbb” he mumbled
“Im sorry go back to sleep”
“What’s the time?” he asked more awake now and I rolled over to check the time
“Its only 5.40am”
“We have a few more hours left yet go back to sleep”
“I don’t want go to go to school today. I just want to stay here” I mumbled into his chest
“Okay go back to sleep” was all he said as if he was contemplating my suggestion.
I did as he said and went back to sleep. I woke again to find Craig pulling the curtains shut to block out the morning sun and then coming back to bed and I rolled over again to check the time it was now 10.50am.
“Craig we should be at school” I accused
“Yea but you didn’t want to go so I thought we would just stay home and sleep all day plus I didn’t want to wake you”
“Thank you” I said cuddling up to him again
“You can go back to sleep now” he said
But after about half an hour of just lying there I knew I couldn’t sleep as I couldn’t get my mother off my mind. I missed her and I think it had finally sunk in that I was never going to see her again; I was never going to say sorry or hear her laugh or even talk.
And with that I started to cry once more. Craig had gotten up a few minutes ago and left the room I was pretty sure he thought I was asleep. I was crying violently holding my stomach as if my arms were all that was keeping me together and that if I let go I would fall to pieces, I must have been a sight to see because when Craig entered the room again he was horrified to see me. He came running over to the bed and quickly jumped in next to me pulling me close to him holding me around the waist while my own arms still held at my stomach.
“Bella its okay im here now…Im sorry I left you” he sounded panicked and worried and probably didn’t know what to do or why exactly I was crying as he seemed to think it was his fault.
“What am I going to do Craig?” the words came out muffled into his chest “I don’t know what to do. I miss her and I can’t just live at your house this isn’t even fair on you” I left the words rush from my mouth and he listened before he shushed me to silence.
“Ssshhh its okay Bella you can stay here as long as you want you know that… and it is okay to miss her, do you want to talk about her?” his words were soft and calming
“No”
“Okay” he didn’t let go of me or release his grip he just continued to hold onto me as I continued to cry as memories of my mother came back to me
“I remember one summer I would have been about 13 maybe, we went fishing me and my dad were fighting and I was scared of him but I wasn’t going to let him win this argument and my dad turned to my mother and said ‘aren’t you going to tell her not to speak to me like that’ and she turned around and said ‘Martin I agree with her you’re the one in the wrong’ and she came over and stood beside me and we started laughing as he grumpily made his way back to the car”
Craig sighed and let out a small giggle as I continued to cry more softly now
“And she was beautiful she had these amazing green eyes and she was so petite…I miss her and I love her and she will never know because I never got a chance to say sorry and my dad” I was rambling again and my tears turned from tears of sadness to ones of anger as I thought about my dad. My left hand reached for my right wrist that was now purple and sore and Craig knew where I was going with this but was able to stop me.
“Hey. Hey its okay don’t worry about him I will protect you from him okay as long as I am here he will not hurt you”
“You promise?” I questioned
“I promise”
He took my wrist in his hand and held I softly rubbing my great purple bruise with his thumb and kissed my busted lip ever so softly.
“She sounds like a great woman your mum a beautiful one too” he paused “and Bella I am sure your mum knows you love her”.
It took me a while but I feel back asleep crying while Craig still held me. By the time I woke again it was 4:30pm and I decided I needed to eat. Craig was asleep and still had a lose grip around my waist, but I managed to slip out of it and headed down stairs and into the kitchen leaving Craig to sleep he looked so beautiful he was so peaceful and calm and could have been mistaken for an angel.
“Hhhmmmbb” he mumbled
“Im sorry go back to sleep”
“What’s the time?” he asked more awake now and I rolled over to check the time
“Its only 5.40am”
“We have a few more hours left yet go back to sleep”
“I don’t want go to go to school today. I just want to stay here” I mumbled into his chest
“Okay go back to sleep” was all he said as if he was contemplating my suggestion.
I did as he said and went back to sleep. I woke again to find Craig pulling the curtains shut to block out the morning sun and then coming back to bed and I rolled over again to check the time it was now 10.50am.
“Craig we should be at school” I accused
“Yea but you didn’t want to go so I thought we would just stay home and sleep all day plus I didn’t want to wake you”
“Thank you” I said cuddling up to him again
“You can go back to sleep now” he said
But after about half an hour of just lying there I knew I couldn’t sleep as I couldn’t get my mother off my mind. I missed her and I think it had finally sunk in that I was never going to see her again; I was never going to say sorry or hear her laugh or even talk.
And with that I started to cry once more. Craig had gotten up a few minutes ago and left the room I was pretty sure he thought I was asleep. I was crying violently holding my stomach as if my arms were all that was keeping me together and that if I let go I would fall to pieces, I must have been a sight to see because when Craig entered the room again he was horrified to see me. He came running over to the bed and quickly jumped in next to me pulling me close to him holding me around the waist while my own arms still held at my stomach.
“Bella its okay im here now…Im sorry I left you” he sounded panicked and worried and probably didn’t know what to do or why exactly I was crying as he seemed to think it was his fault.
“What am I going to do Craig?” the words came out muffled into his chest “I don’t know what to do. I miss her and I can’t just live at your house this isn’t even fair on you” I left the words rush from my mouth and he listened before he shushed me to silence.
“Ssshhh its okay Bella you can stay here as long as you want you know that… and it is okay to miss her, do you want to talk about her?” his words were soft and calming
“No”
“Okay” he didn’t let go of me or release his grip he just continued to hold onto me as I continued to cry as memories of my mother came back to me
“I remember one summer I would have been about 13 maybe, we went fishing me and my dad were fighting and I was scared of him but I wasn’t going to let him win this argument and my dad turned to my mother and said ‘aren’t you going to tell her not to speak to me like that’ and she turned around and said ‘Martin I agree with her you’re the one in the wrong’ and she came over and stood beside me and we started laughing as he grumpily made his way back to the car”
Craig sighed and let out a small giggle as I continued to cry more softly now
“And she was beautiful she had these amazing green eyes and she was so petite…I miss her and I love her and she will never know because I never got a chance to say sorry and my dad” I was rambling again and my tears turned from tears of sadness to ones of anger as I thought about my dad. My left hand reached for my right wrist that was now purple and sore and Craig knew where I was going with this but was able to stop me.
“Hey. Hey its okay don’t worry about him I will protect you from him okay as long as I am here he will not hurt you”
“You promise?” I questioned
“I promise”
He took my wrist in his hand and held I softly rubbing my great purple bruise with his thumb and kissed my busted lip ever so softly.
“She sounds like a great woman your mum a beautiful one too” he paused “and Bella I am sure your mum knows you love her”.
It took me a while but I feel back asleep crying while Craig still held me. By the time I woke again it was 4:30pm and I decided I needed to eat. Craig was asleep and still had a lose grip around my waist, but I managed to slip out of it and headed down stairs and into the kitchen leaving Craig to sleep he looked so beautiful he was so peaceful and calm and could have been mistaken for an angel.