Commiting Me

Sometimes I wish life were like what happens in the movies. Like when a really cute and popular guy falls for the pretty unpopular girl. When does that ever really happen? It’s like a fairy tale ending, it’s not real. Oh well, time to get back to reality and my oh-so-normal life.

“Wake up honey!” My mom yells up the stairs, just like every other morning. I crawl out of bed, just as my alarm clock goes off. Why does she always do that? Call me right before my alarm goes off, I’m going to get up anyway.

I drag myself to my closet and pick out another “normal” outfit. Everything I have is apparently so out of date, but I bought it just last week. Most of my clothes are hand-me- downs, and the rest I get from cheap clothing stores, but I don’t care. If people like Bethany need new clothes every day, then they must be burning a huge hole in their parent’s pockets. Anyway, I pick out a nice green top with a yellow bird on the front that says “cute chick” on it and a pair of jeans with stars on the pockets and “superstar” written on the butt. I pick out my cute flats with the purple polka-dots and the little pink bows.

I walk over to my dresser. How should I do my hair today? Should I put it up in pigtails or braids? Or should I leave it down, straightened, curled, or wavy? You know what? I’m just going to wear what Bethany hates, down and straightened.

Do you know why she hates it? Because it makes me look pretty and she thinks that I’ll steal her precious Brad away from her. I swear the only reason she likes that guy is because he buys her everything she wants. I bet she doesn’t even know his favourite colour, red, or his sister’s name, Rebecca, or even his dog’s name, which is Sam. I wish I could hang out with Brad. Gorgeous, sexy Brad.

Anyway, I brush then straighten my hair, and I walk downstairs for breakfast. Hmmm, cereal, waffles, or a bagel. You see how many choices I make in one morning? I think I’ll have cereal, easy to make and easy to eat.

After I finish my cereal, I make my lunch, a regular egg salad sandwich, and go brush my teeth. Why can’t I be popular? What keeps me from being popular like Bethany and Brad? I think it’s something like, Bethany will blackmail and stab people in the back just so people will like her, and I think Brad is popular because he’s so cute but it’s probably
because he’s on the football team and they just won their first play-off game. I grab my bag, push my brother out the door, and say bye to my mom and Seth, my step-dad.

“Come on Chris! I’m going to be late if you don’t hurry up!” That’s my annoying brother Chris, always finding ways to piss me off, but I can’t do anything because my mom would kill me. “He’s seven and doesn’t know any better” my mom says, but I don’t believe that, I think he’s a devious little monster whose only purpose in life is to make me mad. “Come on!” We turn the corner and guess who’s there, Brad! I run back around the corner and pull my brother back.

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” Chris looks at me like I just pulled him into a bottomless ravine.

“Shut up Chris!” I whisper harshly while he looks around the corner and stares straight at Brad.

“Ooh, Steph has a boyfriend, Steph has a boyfriend! Ha-ha!” He shouts it so loud that I have to cover his mouth so the whole city doesn’t hear him.

“Shut up or I’ll tell mom about the stash of candy you have in the back of your closet.” I whisper. He closes his mouth and shoves my hand away.

“Fine” he says while looking at me with a face that I knew meant he’d get me back.

Brad finished his conversation with his football mates and starts walking again. Why does he have to live so close to me? Why does he have to take the exact same route to school? Why can’t his parent’s drive him if they’ve got so much money?

We walk along behind Brad for a while. Nothing happens and I feel so relieved that he didn’t notice me lurking around that corner, and then he turns. I think he saw me before I dragged my brother into the brush a few minutes ago. I watch from the shadows of the overgrown vines of old lady Winkler’s house while he turns and walks down the road to our school, Jewelwood High. My brother and I turn the other way and walk towards Sandalwood Elementary, my brother’s school.

I walk half the way down the street and then stop, my brother keeps walking and talking to himself like an idiot.

“Hey! You know you’re supposed to walk me ALL the way to school, not half-way.” He talks as if he’s scared to show up alone.

“I walked you more than half the way now be a good little boy and walk the rest of the way alone.” He doesn’t have a clue what’s going on but I’m fine with that. I don’t need that little jerk telling everyone that I like Brad.

“Fine, but when you get home tonight, expect to be in trouble.” Then he turned around and walked the last block to Sandalwood.

I turned the corner and Brad was standing right there! I almost bumped into him!

“H…h…hi Brad.” Stop stuttering! You’re making yourself look like an idiot!

“Hey Steph, I saw you jump in that bush earlier. It was pretty funny.” He says this as if it was some joke meant to please his royal highness.

“If you want to make fun of me, you can go do it to your girlfriend.” He talks to me as if he doesn’t know. I told him in third grade that I had a crush on him and back then he was my best friend. He didn’t take me seriously and just shrugged it off. I still feel like a moron for not chasing after him.

“Don’t talk like that, you know Bethany isn’t that bad.” He’s talking like she’s not the dragon queen that ruined my life so many years ago.

“Yeah right, trust me, I know her better than you do and what you see is a front, that’s not really her.” I turned and started walking away but he grabbed my arm. BRAD GRABBED MY ARM!!! “What?” I ask like I don’t know what he’s going to say.

“She really isn’t that bad!”

“Right, whatever you say OH GREAT BRAD!”I walked away again and this time he left me alone. I mocked Brad! I’m so dead! Bethany is going to kill me! Oh well, I guess I’ve had this coming for a while, ever since I stole Jeff from her in the third grade. Ha-ha! He wasn’t even that cute! I can’t believe she was into that guy.

I’m almost at school now and I can see Brad telling Bethany what happened. I can’t believe him! He hides behind Bethany and lets her do all the dirty work. He can’t stand up and do anything for himself. No wonder Bethany likes him so much, she gets to hurt people for him.

“Hey Steph! Come Here!” SHIT! Bethany the bitch is calling me. I know what she wants but I’m not going to let her know that.

“What do you want?” I don’t think she’ll ever let this one rest.

“What did you say to my Brad?” She’s so protective of him, like he’s some lonely pup who’s been stranded and she’s taking him in and nursing him back to health. Nurse Bethany, Brad would like that.

“I said the truth Beth. I told him about your whole little sham. I never believed it and I don’t think he did either.” She just stares at me and I can see her heart of ice through her unwavering eyes.

“Beth, come on babe!” Brad yells from across the campus.

“Oh look, I think your oh-so-wonderful Brad’s calling you.” I watched her walk away with a smirk on my face. There was no way I was going to let her get me down, not when I finally gathered the courage to talk to Brad like that.

I hate that Bethany is in all my classes. The school says they try to put people from the same school together in classes, but why in grade eleven? We already know most of the people in our grade. I think that we’d be fine to find people we know. Nevertheless, Bethany must torture me with snide looks and fits of giggling with her so-called friends. You can tell that they’re talking about me because of the way they talk, laugh, and then look you squarely in the eye and laugh even more with that pitiful grin on her face.

They do this every day during Geography and French and that’s all they do. The teacher doesn’t care. “It’s up to them whether they want to learn or waste their lives away” is what he always says. Bethany was always a dumb blonde, and this confirms it.

I’m really glad that I can just hang with my friends at lunch. We always have such good times. We can talk, laugh, and we know that no one will bother us. I know that if Bethany ever shows up, they’ll back me up.

“Speak of the devil” I whisper to my friends. They giggle but don’t dare laugh. I stand up just as she reaches our table. “Here she comes now, her royal highness, Queen Bethany.” Again, my friends enjoy a chuckle or two but they will never laugh when Bethany’s around. She always seems to suck the fun out of anything.

“What do you think you were doing talking to Brad, he’s my boyfriend.” She talks as if she’s trying to pierce my through the heart with her words, it’s not working.

“So just because he’s your boyfriend, no one else can talk to him? That’s not fair to him or anyone that’s his friend.” No one knows how to stand up to her but me. I’ll fight all day if it means I’ll get to talk to whomever I choose.

“It doesn’t matter because he’s my boyfriend so he does what I say.” Again, that piercing tone.

“Why don’t we just ask him? Hey Brad, why don’t you come over here?” Just watching him running over, thinking he was running to me, I wish.

“Brad honey, would you do anything for me? Anything?” She trying to test him and he knows. You can the look of sheer terror on his face when she says this. He looks like he’s stuck between choosing her or being unpopular.

“What do you need honey? A latte? A Danish? A non-fat bottle of water?” Nice one Brad! Everyone knows that water is non-fat. It’s non-everything but H2O.

“Nothing, just asking, you can go now.” She treats him like a servant! Human beings have a right to obey only themselves and no one else but he obeys her every command like a well-trained watch dog.

“Okay then, see you babe.” He kisses her on the cheek and she gladly excepts it because she knows that’s the way to pierce my heart.

“Bye Steph.” HAHA! IN YOUR FACE BETHANY! He doesn’t know it but he just won the battle for me. I love to see that totally disappointed and mad face that Bethany makes when she knows she’s lost.

I walked away but I felt really bad for Brad. She bosses him around like he’s her personal slave. If he was my boyfriend, I would treat him like one, not like a slave. Oh well, it’s not like he’s actually going to be my boyfriend EVER.

The rest of the day was bad. Bethany and all her friends were giving me these creepy looks through English and Math, like they were stalking me or something. They were showing me up in front of the teacher too. If only I could Barbara away from her. She’s the only smart one in the bunch.

I can’t stand her!! Whenever she loses something, she makes the losing person’s life hell, and when she wins, it’s worse. If Brad would just dump her, then she would be crushed and I could move in and take her down. Then she wouldn’t pick on me anymore. Then she would leave me alone like I’ve told her so many times to do.

I went to my locker to get my bag, go home, and start playing my brother’s video games again. When I get there I’m already in a bad mood and then I see Brad leaning against it. Oh great, now I’m going to get an earful from Brad about how Bethany is so nice and great and that all the stuff I’m saying about her is wrong. Here we go.

“What do you want Brad?” He’s always hovering around Bethany at this time just waiting for her to order him to carry her books and so her homework.

“I just want to talk”, he says so innocently even though I can see right through his very thin disguise of innocence.

“I’m listening” I try to say calmly but I can feel my fuse burning, about to blow the bomb that is my brain.

“Well I just wanted to thank you for sticking up for me back there with Bethany. I know she doesn’t treat me the best but I have to be there when she’s mean to you Steph. So far she hasn’t been mean to anyone when I’m around, except for right now with you.” He sounds so innocent and I just want to hug him and tell him that everything is going to be alright.

“Well then maybe you should be around her more, then you’ll see it. She’s going to start being mean to everyone while you’re standing at her side. That’s how it happened with me.”

“Whatever, I just wanted to say thanks, so, thanks.” I watched him walk away and then banged my head against my locker. Why am I so stupid? He was just nice to me and I blew it! He might have even asked me to the dance if I had talked to him more. I’m so stupid!

“Come on Chris, let’s go.” I’m still pissed yes, but I have to be cool because I’m going to get killed at home. Chris is going to tell on me for making him walk a block alone and going to be grounded for a week which means I’m going to miss the dance and I’ll never have a chance with Brad. Great, just another wondrous thing that’s happened to me because of the little brat.

“I’m not going to tell if that’s what you’re thinking.” I looked at my brother in shock. Wow, he’s actually being nice! “It’s not for you either. It’s for me. People used to make fun of me when you would walk me up to the school, but today they didn’t, so if you don’t tell, I won’t.”

We get home and my brother runs and does his little sucking-up thing to my mom. Showing her these really bad pictures he drew and telling her all of fun little made up things that he did today, but he didn’t say anything about this morning. Maybe he isn’t so bad. What am I thinking! So he made my life a little less miserable for one day, how’s that going to change anything? I’m still not going to the dance and Brad is never going to dump Bethany! How does one little grounding change anything?

I can’t believe I blew it with Brad. Yes, I’m still beating myself up over that. He’s so hot and cute and awesome and I blew it. No date for the dance, no chance at all with Brad, and Bethany on my back for the next week. Well at least I don’t have to embarrass myself at the dance. With no date, there is no point at all for me to go. I guess I’ll just be sitting at home in my PJ’s watching romance soaps and eating ice cream all night.

The phone rang so I picked it up. It’s probably just Casey or Tasha. They heard about what happened with Bethany and wanted to check up on me. Thanks guys, but no thanks. I just want to wallow in my self pity right now, all alone, all by myself.

“Hello?” I think it’s just another prank phone call with someone stupid on the other end waiting for me to get pissed and then hang up so what’s the big deal with acting depressed?

“Hello?” I hear the deep, rumbling voice of Brad’s that almost makes me want to fly. How did he know that he was the only person I really wanted to talk to now? “Hello? Is Stephanie there?” Snap out of it Steph! You just have to play it cool, like hot and popular guys call you all the time.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m watching my little brother and he’s not that cooperative.” So it’s a little lie, sue me. It’s not like it’s going to hurt anyone.

“Ha”, he laughs and it sounds so sweet. “I guess you’re wondering why I’m calling so late. Actually, I guess you’re wondering why I’m calling at all.” He sounds sad, I wonder what’s wrong.

“Brad, you sound sad. Is something wrong?”

“No, well, yeah. I kind of see where you’re coming from with all the ‘Bethany is a bitch’ stuff. I just talked to her on MSN and she told me to check her blog. When I did, I saw a bunch of bad stuff about people who I didn’t even know. But there was something that caught my eye. When you first open the site, there’s a picture of you and you’re friends, how she got it I don’t know, and underneath is a caption that says, ‘Warning: freak alert. Stay away for fear of contamination’. I don’t think it’s that bad but I thought you should know.” Now he sounds really sad, like a kitten that’s been jailed up her whole life.

I think about what he has said and he’s right, it’s not that bad. My friends and I have been through worse and we can definitely take on Bethany and her cronies.

“Brad, you’re right. It’s not that bad and I don’t think you should be worried about it. By the way, why are you worried about it?” He’s silent. Oh no. Did I just ask him an impossible question? Could he tell me the answer in confidence that I’m not going to tell anyone? Why would I? Then I hear him take a deep breath and let it out. I think he’s about to tell me everything.

“The reason I told you was because I think you deserved to know. I’ve seen the way you stand up for people against Bethany and I admire that. I know she’s bad but she’s not all bad. She has a heart, you just have to find it.”

I’m in shock. Even after seeing that page of Bethany’s. Even after seeing her pick on innocent people, people she doesn’t even know, he still stands up for her! He still defends her actions! I’m starting to cry now. Why won’t he listen? Why can’t he open his eyes and see that Bethany is not willing to show anyone her heart?

“I’ve seen her heart”, I sniffle and wipe away some tears, “and she had mine as a friend, but she ripped it out and stomped on it until it stopped beating. I don’t think she has the capacity to love anymore. It’s just ice and more ice and if you’re too stubborn to see that then that’s your problem, not mine, and you have to deal with it on your own.”

I hang up on him and hopefully he got the message. I sleep now, but my dreams are haunted of the repercussions of my actions. I toss and turn but sleep leaves me. I’m too scared. I can’t sleep for fear of tomorrow. What’s going to happen tomorrow?