I'm Glad I Crashed the Wedding

The thing about fairy tales is that the stories always stop in the middle. Sure when Cinderella got married to Prince Charming, a few days after the glass shoe thing, she thought he was just The Bomb. But what if after being married to him for a week or a month or whatever she finds out he misses the toilet? Or maybe he has a scratching problem. Maybe he's bad in bed so she has to get her satisfaction from the butler. And another thing about fairy tales is that there's always something that's questionable or sick. You can't tell me that there wasn't something going on behind the scenes of Snow White. There is no way that one lady is going to live in a cottage with seven midgets and there not be something going on. Okay here's a theory: Snow White is the reason for Happy's happiness and the 'relationship' between them causes Grumpy's grumpiness. And Sneezy, he's got to be allergic to something but you don't see any of the other six midgets or Snow White helping. No, and they even have Doc in the house. And you know what, I think Bashful has a little crush on Sleepy but Sleepy's too busy sleeping around with the other dwarfs to notice. And Dopey, can't forget Dopey, isn't really all sweet and silly and stuff. It's the drugs that are making him that way. In reality he's a messed up suicidal emo kid that cut himself because he's sick of being a midget. (Sorry if I totally messed up your childhood) You know why they all stop early and have background stories that aren't in it? Because they're Disney and they have to be PG - kid friendly. But our fairy tale is going to be the best, just like he said. It will be completely real. Sure we will be happier than ever but we will have those nothing fights that every couple has and we will have the make up sex. But that's life. That's about the only thing that will be normal in our relationship. Instead of Prince Charming I get a homicidal psycho. But I wouldn't have it any other way. "So, when are you going to go all psychopathic murderer on their asses and bust us out of here? In case you didn't know, I'm not used to sitting in a jail cell looking through bars and I really want to get out of this dress so hurry your ass up." I whispered violently towards the Joker. Yes now I'm calling him the Joker instead of Jack. You know why? Me, in a white dress, had my period and had to convince the coppers to let me have my purse so I could get myself a stupid tampon. Then I had to go through the argument of getting a bathroom break. The argument ended when I threatened to throw my bloodied old tampon in their faces if they didn't hurry. I was PMSing, I was stuck in jail, and the moron next to me wouldn't talk to me. After my oh so wonderful bathroom break where the guards stood in front of the woman's restroom guarding, I sat on my oh so comfortable bench where I am at now. "Soon" he whispered back. I swear not ten minutes later the wall across from us blew up and the force had messed up the locks of the cells and every prisoner was getting out. The officers were either knocked down or knocked out. Jack, yes I was back to calling him Jack, grabbed my purse and his jacket and knifes and we escaped out the busted wall where a black van was waiting with a bunch of clown masked men. But the escape was amazing. The only things that really stood out were him, me, us running, and the sunset. It was a beautiful sunset with pinks and reds and yellows and purples and blues all fading into each other as if they were painted onto the horizon. I was so lost in my thoughts of Jack's words and the sunset that I barely heard one of the clown masked men ask "Boss what's with the bride?" It was weird to witness it and it was even weirder that it didn't effect me but he shot the guy and threw him out the sliding side door. Sure he's the Joker and I know I've heard about him killing but it was odd to see it because I had been thinking of Jack. Not the Joker. He was sitting next to me in the back seat and he leaned close and whispered in my ear "I told you we'd escape into the sunset." Yes. Yes he did say that and those words have been buzzing around in my head like bees in a bee hive. I didn't want my dad to know that I had been hoping that Jack would come save me so he didn't know that I had a pair of pants under my dress. "Does anybody have a shirt a can use?" I pretty much shouted inside the crammed van. Needless to say, Jack didn't like the idea of me wearing one of his men's shirts so he handed me his purple jacket. "Unzip the back of my dress" I uttered to Jack. The goons around us that heard turned and gave me a look that screamed Are You Nuts? Jack even gave me the look. Sighing I pulled up the bottom of my gown to show my extremely tight green skinny jeans. Jack let out a roar of laughter before saying with giggles "You were expecting me to show up and kidnap you weren't you?" I replied while giggling at his laughter, "Hey. A girl could only hope and technically it isn't kidnap if I go with you" Then we laughed together and it was beautiful. There we were, clambering out of the black van to be greeted by the smell of the autumn night, the sound of leaves scurrying about, and the sight of a tremendous warehouse. "Well princess, sorry it's not a mansion." Jack said as I stared intently at the warehouse and I guess he thought I didn't like it. "No. It's better." And I walked towards the warehouse, my home. Then again he could have brought me to a box under a bridge and I would still feel at home as long as he was there. I know that sounds like a corny line from a mushy romance novel but lets face it, we were living our own corny romance novel in the making. There I was, clad in Jack's long purple jacket and neon green skinny jeans, standing in the most colorful renovated warehouse in the great U.S. of A. There he was, adorn in purple pants and a pastel purple button up with a green vest unbuttoned and draped over his chest, watching me take in my surroundings. No clowns were in the room for they had long ditched us. I sauntered over to Jack and wrapped my arms around his waist embracing him the hug I had longed to give him and he returned it embracing me in the tight strong protection of his arms. "I missed you," he whispered as he buried his face in my hair. "I missed you too," I whispered back with my face buried into his chest. Not once did a thought about his face paint coming off in my hair or my caked makeup distributing itself onto his pastel shirt cross either of our minds. "Your hair smells good - strawberries," he said briefly lifting his face from my hair then returning to the position. "Your shirt is soft," I retorted, "You smell good too." We stood there, hugging and taking in each other's company and embrace, for a good ten minutes before he released me. I can't tell you I was too happy about him releasing me either but at least he kept his arm protectively over my shoulder. I had missed him terribly and in that embrace I could tell he missed me too. Nothing could separate us. Not his men, not Batman, not the GPD, not his alternative self. Nothing. And that's how it's going to stay. He stopped between two doors, "Well sweetheart, you got a choice. Either you take the door to the right and you'll have your own room, but I'd warn you, half the guys in here would mess with a pretty girl like you and I can't promise I'll be there to protect you, or you take the door to the left and sleep with me? I can't think of anything bad to say about myself but if you took the door to the left I could promise nothing bad would happen to you because I'd be there to protect you. Which door?" He looked at me already knowing I'd chose his room over being raped. "I think I'll sleep in your room so my knight in shining armor could protect and defend my honor." I responded melodramatically. Then it happened - our first kiss. He pulled me into his arms and caught me off guard in the most romantic, foot-popping, butterflies-in-the-stomach, makes-your-head-dizzy-and-your-heart-sing kiss. It was astonishing, fantastic, incredible, marvelous, phenomenal, stupendous, wondrous. His smooth lips on mine. His fingers folded around my belt loops. My fingers in his hair. Our eyes closed and noses touching. My bangs brushing across his forehead. The sweet taste of his breath on my lips after we broke apart for a breath. Astonishing. Memorable. Extraordinary.