Drowning Lessons
Take My ***ing Hand And Never Be Afraid Again.
Gerard's P.O.V.
I couldn't concentrate in any of my classes. Every time I felt a pair of accusing eyes on me, I looked up to meet them. When they looked away, I felt another on my back. I felt like they could see right into me--like my guilt flashed neon or something. They knew I had killed their hometown hero, and they were angry because they were powerless to do anything about it.
Well, not exactly powerless.
They could go to the police at any time... but with what evidence?
"Yeah, this faggoty emo freak everyone hates killed Josh Richards. We know this because Josh was a total prick to him since the day he met him and the guy probably just snapped."
Don't think so.
Still, those eyes were worse than any punishment the judicial system could hand out.
I wished for all the world that this class would end so that I could spend break talking with the guys, and possibly skip third. I had way too much on my mind to focus on that shit right now.
As if urged forward by my ominous thoughts, the bell rang what seemed like hours before it should have. I packed up my shit and bolted out of there.
"Gerard, I have to tell you--" panted Frankie as he ran up behind me.
"If its bad news I don't want to hear it. I think we've had quite enough of negative shit. Let's just try and stay positive here. Forget all the bad things in the world. Forget that I fucking killed a man a few days ago!" I said, my voice rising with every word.
"Keep your fucking voice down! You're seriously going to pull that shit? In a school surrounded by people who hate you and have enough proof that you actually did it to convict you right now, you're gonna be yelling shit like that? I know you're nervous and scared, Gee, but thats no reason to act like a fucking moron," said Frankie, as jumpy and anxious as I was. I knew he didn't mean the harsh things he'd said, but he was right--that was just stupid of me. I clamped my mouth shut and waited for his news.
"Well?" I asked.
"There are ten policemen coming here--they should be here any minute. They're questioning everyone in the school-no matter how long it takes. You're going to be one of them Gerard. I need you to tell me that you are going to be okay, and you're not going to get nervous and fuck this up. A mistake could be FATAL. Literally," said Frankie, panic creeping into his voice.
I suddenly felt sick. I was horrible under pressure. They'd pin me for sure. They'd know it was me the second they saw me. I was fucking dead. What the hell was I going to do now? No matter what I did, no matter how many days I skipped--they would find me. They would get me and I would be executed eventually. I killed a man. A fatal mistake in this modern society of ours. It was often frowned upon.
I started sweating. The room was spinning. My stomach was constricting. I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom, Frankie at my heels. I threw open the stall door and emptied the contents of my stomach into the bowl. I was vomiting for a good five minutes before it finally let up. Frankie sat in front of me on the cold tiles and wiped my pale, sweaty forehead. He kissed me softly on the cheek, and finally spoke.
"Gerard, honey, they're not going to let me go in there with you, and I need to know that you'll be okay. They're going to scare you, a lot, but they just want answers. Don't let on that you know anything. Please just try and stay calm. Okay?" His voice stayed velvety and steady. He was my pillar of strength. He always stayed level headed. No matter what was happening.
"Okay... okay, I promise, babe... I'll try as hard as I can to stay calm... Hey, they probably won't even get to us today," I said, a new hope lighting. They had to do the 9's and 10's before they even got close to us. And they might go alphabetically. Way was pretty far down on the list.
"Exactly, baby, so there's no reason to get worked up."
We smiled at one another and walked out of the bathroom.
"Attention all students. Please make your way to the auditorium immediately for a presentation from the New Jersey police force."
Here we go.
I looked at Frankie with fearful eyes.
"Don't worry, babe. Everything will be okay, I promise you. No harm will come to you, at all, as long as I am here," he said reassuringly, with that same, happy-go-lucky smile he always wore, even in times of distress. With him, nothing could touch me.
Frankie's P.O.V.
AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! This was never going to fly!!! I knew very well he was horrible under pressure, and he would crack at the first sight of force from the policemen. I tried as hard as I could to have faith in him, but Jesus, there is only so much a man can hope for! The first time we skipped a class in sixth grade, we came back and the vice principal said "Hi, boys," and he nearly cried! Policemen? Fuck, forget about it!
I pushed all of this to the back of my mind as I held his hand and smiled merrily at him. I had to communicate to him that nothing was wrong... nothing was going to happen... he would be safe.
That was far from what I was feeling.
"As you all undoubtedly know, there has been a murder on the grounds of this school. We have no leads as to who it may be, and no hard evidence that it was actually someone at this school. We do, however, feel that it is necessary to take all precautions possible and make sure no one is left unquestioned. As we have ten officers of the law here with us today, we will cover as much ground as possible with all grades and all classes. We will be going by homeroom teacher, so as your name is read please go and stand in the auditorium hallway."
This caused a buzz of excited chatter to go through the crowd. Gerard squeezed my hand, and I squeezed right back. All five of us were in the same homeroom, so at least we'd get a chance to talk before the separated us and let this pathetic charade begin.
We did not do any talking. As soon as we made our way out there, they called Iero, Chapman, Terrace, Toro, G. Way, Bryar, Jackson, M. Way, and Pelletier.
``Oh, God, Frankie. I can`t do it!` said Gerard, who looked close to tears.
``Yes you can, babe, I know you can, just relax,` I replied with a calmness I was far from feeling.
His grip was almost crushing my hand. The policeman walked up and directed us to go to our homeroom where we would be questioned. Together.
Everyone had gone but me, Gerard, and the policemen. He gave us a look of polite inquiry.
``Are you coming, boys?" Came out looking like "are you coming, boys," and sounding like "fuck you, Jack."
I was about to say yes, when I felt a hard tug on my arm. It wasn't until I heard the rumbling of the engine, or saw the blue and red flashing lights in the rearview mirror that I realized Gerard had bailed. And taken me with him.
I couldn't concentrate in any of my classes. Every time I felt a pair of accusing eyes on me, I looked up to meet them. When they looked away, I felt another on my back. I felt like they could see right into me--like my guilt flashed neon or something. They knew I had killed their hometown hero, and they were angry because they were powerless to do anything about it.
Well, not exactly powerless.
They could go to the police at any time... but with what evidence?
"Yeah, this faggoty emo freak everyone hates killed Josh Richards. We know this because Josh was a total prick to him since the day he met him and the guy probably just snapped."
Don't think so.
Still, those eyes were worse than any punishment the judicial system could hand out.
I wished for all the world that this class would end so that I could spend break talking with the guys, and possibly skip third. I had way too much on my mind to focus on that shit right now.
As if urged forward by my ominous thoughts, the bell rang what seemed like hours before it should have. I packed up my shit and bolted out of there.
"Gerard, I have to tell you--" panted Frankie as he ran up behind me.
"If its bad news I don't want to hear it. I think we've had quite enough of negative shit. Let's just try and stay positive here. Forget all the bad things in the world. Forget that I fucking killed a man a few days ago!" I said, my voice rising with every word.
"Keep your fucking voice down! You're seriously going to pull that shit? In a school surrounded by people who hate you and have enough proof that you actually did it to convict you right now, you're gonna be yelling shit like that? I know you're nervous and scared, Gee, but thats no reason to act like a fucking moron," said Frankie, as jumpy and anxious as I was. I knew he didn't mean the harsh things he'd said, but he was right--that was just stupid of me. I clamped my mouth shut and waited for his news.
"Well?" I asked.
"There are ten policemen coming here--they should be here any minute. They're questioning everyone in the school-no matter how long it takes. You're going to be one of them Gerard. I need you to tell me that you are going to be okay, and you're not going to get nervous and fuck this up. A mistake could be FATAL. Literally," said Frankie, panic creeping into his voice.
I suddenly felt sick. I was horrible under pressure. They'd pin me for sure. They'd know it was me the second they saw me. I was fucking dead. What the hell was I going to do now? No matter what I did, no matter how many days I skipped--they would find me. They would get me and I would be executed eventually. I killed a man. A fatal mistake in this modern society of ours. It was often frowned upon.
I started sweating. The room was spinning. My stomach was constricting. I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom, Frankie at my heels. I threw open the stall door and emptied the contents of my stomach into the bowl. I was vomiting for a good five minutes before it finally let up. Frankie sat in front of me on the cold tiles and wiped my pale, sweaty forehead. He kissed me softly on the cheek, and finally spoke.
"Gerard, honey, they're not going to let me go in there with you, and I need to know that you'll be okay. They're going to scare you, a lot, but they just want answers. Don't let on that you know anything. Please just try and stay calm. Okay?" His voice stayed velvety and steady. He was my pillar of strength. He always stayed level headed. No matter what was happening.
"Okay... okay, I promise, babe... I'll try as hard as I can to stay calm... Hey, they probably won't even get to us today," I said, a new hope lighting. They had to do the 9's and 10's before they even got close to us. And they might go alphabetically. Way was pretty far down on the list.
"Exactly, baby, so there's no reason to get worked up."
We smiled at one another and walked out of the bathroom.
"Attention all students. Please make your way to the auditorium immediately for a presentation from the New Jersey police force."
Here we go.
I looked at Frankie with fearful eyes.
"Don't worry, babe. Everything will be okay, I promise you. No harm will come to you, at all, as long as I am here," he said reassuringly, with that same, happy-go-lucky smile he always wore, even in times of distress. With him, nothing could touch me.
Frankie's P.O.V.
AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! This was never going to fly!!! I knew very well he was horrible under pressure, and he would crack at the first sight of force from the policemen. I tried as hard as I could to have faith in him, but Jesus, there is only so much a man can hope for! The first time we skipped a class in sixth grade, we came back and the vice principal said "Hi, boys," and he nearly cried! Policemen? Fuck, forget about it!
I pushed all of this to the back of my mind as I held his hand and smiled merrily at him. I had to communicate to him that nothing was wrong... nothing was going to happen... he would be safe.
That was far from what I was feeling.
"As you all undoubtedly know, there has been a murder on the grounds of this school. We have no leads as to who it may be, and no hard evidence that it was actually someone at this school. We do, however, feel that it is necessary to take all precautions possible and make sure no one is left unquestioned. As we have ten officers of the law here with us today, we will cover as much ground as possible with all grades and all classes. We will be going by homeroom teacher, so as your name is read please go and stand in the auditorium hallway."
This caused a buzz of excited chatter to go through the crowd. Gerard squeezed my hand, and I squeezed right back. All five of us were in the same homeroom, so at least we'd get a chance to talk before the separated us and let this pathetic charade begin.
We did not do any talking. As soon as we made our way out there, they called Iero, Chapman, Terrace, Toro, G. Way, Bryar, Jackson, M. Way, and Pelletier.
``Oh, God, Frankie. I can`t do it!` said Gerard, who looked close to tears.
``Yes you can, babe, I know you can, just relax,` I replied with a calmness I was far from feeling.
His grip was almost crushing my hand. The policeman walked up and directed us to go to our homeroom where we would be questioned. Together.
Everyone had gone but me, Gerard, and the policemen. He gave us a look of polite inquiry.
``Are you coming, boys?" Came out looking like "are you coming, boys," and sounding like "fuck you, Jack."
I was about to say yes, when I felt a hard tug on my arm. It wasn't until I heard the rumbling of the engine, or saw the blue and red flashing lights in the rearview mirror that I realized Gerard had bailed. And taken me with him.