Drowning Lessons
Heaven Help ME...
Frank's POV
All we did through that whole hour was sit on that same park bench and talk, and quite honestly?
It was the best hour of my life.
We hadn't really been able to spend a lot of time together, just the two of us, because we were always with either Ray, Bob, or Mikey. It was so nice... and peaceful... but painful nonetheless. He was sitting right there, and I couldn't put my arms around him, couldn't kiss him... even tell him that I wanted to.
Damn.
I've ALWAYS been against homophobia. Why does it bother me so that I feel this way? Could it be I'm just worried about ruining our friendship with my silly infatuation?
No. This was more than a mere infatuation.
I had fallen in love.
And I fell fucking HARD.
As much as I loved Gerard, I couldn't risk losing him by telling him how I felt.
This would be my cross. And I had to bear it. I couldn't bring myself to think what would happen if decided to let go of that cross....
I pushed the thought out of my mind. I realized I'd been standing at my locker for this entire time, lost in my thoughts. I also noticed the hallway was empty.
Damn.
I'm late for English.
Trudging down the hallway, I walked into my classroom, apologized to Mr. Vetter for being late, and took my seat in between Mikey and Ray.
"You ditcher," said Ray teasingly, "I KNEW something was wrong in Biology today! It was too quiet!"
"Sorry," I said with a grin, "Gerard and I decided we had better things to do."
All through English I sat there thinking about Gerard. I couldn't get him out of my mind.
Lord, I thought to myself, is it really worth it to be going through this hell just so things won't get awkward between me and the guys?
Yes. Definitely.
Think about it, Frank. You tell Gerard you've been madly in love with him since you don't know when, he doesn't feel the same way, you're crushed, he feels terrible, things get awkward because he knows how you feel, and slowly your time together tapers off until he's just another face in the hallway.
I was really starting to get tired of the voices in my head. Aren't there supposed to be GOOD voices as well???
Honey, us good voices have NOTHING to say to you. What you're thinking of doing is INSANE! You could wreck everything with EVERYONE!
See what I mean?
Gerard's POV
I sat dejected in my math class. I had long since given up on this algebra shit, and stared out the window. My thoughts had been drifting around for the last twenty minutes.
Who'd have thunk.
They rested on Frank.
Loooovely.
I found that the only thing I could think of was how the color of my desk reminded me of Frank's eyes.. His pools of chocolate brown color always had a positive message coming from them. They could be wildly dancing, recklessly laughing eyes, or calm, serene, comforting orbs. No matter what, they were always beautiful.
I needed to have him.
I have to tell him.
So what if he doesn't feel the same way...
I could handle it.
....Couldn't I?
All we did through that whole hour was sit on that same park bench and talk, and quite honestly?
It was the best hour of my life.
We hadn't really been able to spend a lot of time together, just the two of us, because we were always with either Ray, Bob, or Mikey. It was so nice... and peaceful... but painful nonetheless. He was sitting right there, and I couldn't put my arms around him, couldn't kiss him... even tell him that I wanted to.
Damn.
I've ALWAYS been against homophobia. Why does it bother me so that I feel this way? Could it be I'm just worried about ruining our friendship with my silly infatuation?
No. This was more than a mere infatuation.
I had fallen in love.
And I fell fucking HARD.
As much as I loved Gerard, I couldn't risk losing him by telling him how I felt.
This would be my cross. And I had to bear it. I couldn't bring myself to think what would happen if decided to let go of that cross....
I pushed the thought out of my mind. I realized I'd been standing at my locker for this entire time, lost in my thoughts. I also noticed the hallway was empty.
Damn.
I'm late for English.
Trudging down the hallway, I walked into my classroom, apologized to Mr. Vetter for being late, and took my seat in between Mikey and Ray.
"You ditcher," said Ray teasingly, "I KNEW something was wrong in Biology today! It was too quiet!"
"Sorry," I said with a grin, "Gerard and I decided we had better things to do."
All through English I sat there thinking about Gerard. I couldn't get him out of my mind.
Lord, I thought to myself, is it really worth it to be going through this hell just so things won't get awkward between me and the guys?
Yes. Definitely.
Think about it, Frank. You tell Gerard you've been madly in love with him since you don't know when, he doesn't feel the same way, you're crushed, he feels terrible, things get awkward because he knows how you feel, and slowly your time together tapers off until he's just another face in the hallway.
I was really starting to get tired of the voices in my head. Aren't there supposed to be GOOD voices as well???
Honey, us good voices have NOTHING to say to you. What you're thinking of doing is INSANE! You could wreck everything with EVERYONE!
See what I mean?
Gerard's POV
I sat dejected in my math class. I had long since given up on this algebra shit, and stared out the window. My thoughts had been drifting around for the last twenty minutes.
Who'd have thunk.
They rested on Frank.
Loooovely.
I found that the only thing I could think of was how the color of my desk reminded me of Frank's eyes.. His pools of chocolate brown color always had a positive message coming from them. They could be wildly dancing, recklessly laughing eyes, or calm, serene, comforting orbs. No matter what, they were always beautiful.
I needed to have him.
I have to tell him.
So what if he doesn't feel the same way...
I could handle it.
....Couldn't I?