Drowning Lessons

Gerard’s POV

“Well, Rabbits, it certainly has been a pleasure meeting you,” I said as we pulled slowly into a service station about 10 miles outside of Belleville.

We’d been driving for about 13 hours, and we had learned quite a bit about each other. Rabbits’ real name was Janelle, and she came from New York. Her parents moved there from Iowa when she was 2, and she loved the city as much as she loved life.

She often came to New Jersey to visit friends she had here, in small local bands. She played guitar for them sometimes, when they wanted her or they were short a person. Apparently she was a mad guitarist. I thought I remembered her name from a few shows we’d gone to in a local bar near our house.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do? Because you just say the word, and we’ll drive to Montreal if we gotta!” said Janelle. She still had that manic I’m-dying-to-do-something-illegal look in her eyes and in her smile.

I sighed heavily and said, “I have to... If I don’t deal with the consequences now, they’ll just be chasing me for the rest of my life. I want to go home. I miss my family, and its not fair to keep Frankie from his.”

Rabbits nodded her understanding.

“You’re really brave, you know that? Hell, if I killed someone, I’d be halfway to Germany by now. I really admire you.”

I smiled sadly and looked down at the cup of coffee I was nursing. Looking out the window, I saw all the beauty I was going to miss in my 3 by 4 cell. Oh, they could go ahead and think I might get off with self-defense, but I knew the reality of it.

I knew I was going away for a long, long time. And the truth was, I deserved it. I’d turned into a horrible person, and I hoped that Frankie could forget about me once I was gone. He deserved someone so much better, kinder, sweeter, more caring... someone who was more like himself.

Frankie could sense my sorrow, and squeezed my hand as he laid his head on my shoulder.

“I’ll always love you. No matter what happens. You are mine. I am yours. We’ll be together again one day, after all this is over. I promise you,” he whispered, and I saw Rabbits smile brightly.

I finished my coffee quickly. “We’d better get moving,” I said. The sun was setting slowly, sending brilliant streaks of purple, red, gold, pink across the sky. I tried to take in as much of it as I could before all I saw was gray. Gray days, black nights, lonely existence...

That’s all I would be doing. Existing.

Rabbits and Frankie gave me apprehensive looks as we slowly made our way towards the door and to her car. She started it up, and we made our way home.

Darling Rabbits dropped us off a few blocks from our streets. After we exchanged numbers and all that jazz, she said,

“Hey, I’m going to miss you guys. I’ve only known you for a day, and it feels like forever. I’ll be in town for the next couple days... you know, playing gigs and shit... you have to call me when everything gets... well, you know,” she sounded so sad.

“We’ll miss you too, Janelle. Trust me, the feeling is mutual. You’re an awesome person, and I hope after all this gets... you know, we can continue being friends. Hey, we can jam sometime! I’ve always wanted to get into guitar. And I promise I’ll call you as soon as the court dates are set,” Frankie said, equally as sad.

“Bye, guys,” she waved as she drove off slowly, into the coming darkness.

We took a breath, grasped hands, and made our way to Scott Avenue.

As we came to his house, we parted ways. I had to deal with my mother on my own, and I didn’t want to have to face Frankie’s parents. They were probably pretty angry with me. It would be like facing my own parents– if I still had two– because I’d known them so long.

I kissed him softly and slowly, and made the short walk to my house.

Opening the front door, I softly called,

“Mommy? Mikey? I’m home...”

Silence.

One... Two...

I heard feet thumping on both the stairs leading from the top floor and the basement. Before I knew it, Mikey and Ma had thrown themselves at me, hugging and kissing me to within an inch of my life.

“Oh, my poor baby, what have you done? I saw it all... its all over the news... My little boy... where did you go? Don’t worry... Everything’s going to be okay... Mommy’s here now... Mommy’s here...” my Ma said, beginning to cry.

Oh, please don’t cry, Mommy... I hate to see you cry...
Please don’t do this to me... I’m not worth your tears... I’m nothing but a monster...

Don’t bother protecting me. Just forget about me. Please forget.

Frankie’s POV

I walked into my house, where Ma and Dad were sitting in the living room, white faced and looking ready to burst. When they heard me walk into the room, their heads snapped up out of their trance, and my father stood up.

He slowly walked over to me. I cringed, expecting an outburst of anger, “where the hell have you been” ’s and “what the hell is wrong with you” ’s.

Instead, he threw his arms around me, and crushed me against his chest.

“Oh, my boy. Where have you been? Gerard... Gerard, that poor boy. You were with him, weren’t you? Bless him, I hope he’s all right...” I’ve never heard my father be so open. He’s never said much more than “I love you, son” in the way of emotions. I could feel his body begin to tremble, and soon he was in silent tears.

My mother, however, was not so silent. She was on her knees in front of the couch she’d been sitting on, crying hysterically because her poor “other boy” was in such trouble. Of course, some of those tears were tears of joy that I was home safe, but Gerard’s problems were now far bigger.

“What is he going to do... What is he going to do...” she sobbed. More of a lament than a question.

“He’s turning himself in, that’s what he’s going to do,” I said evenly. Somehow I’d managed to maintain my composure, even though my parents were crumbling to bits before my eyes.

And I wish you could have seen the looks on their faces when I gave them that bit of information.

Before I knew it, my parents and I were out the door, motoring it to the Way’s.

A few minutes too late, it appeared, though.

As we approached their driveway, I saw that disgusting sight I wished to hell I’d never see again. There were blue and red lights outside Gerard’s house. Two pairs of them.

Two blue beetles, just waiting to rip a young man from his home, his life, and throw him in a cell for something he should have done a long time ago.

I ran to the door just as they were taking him out, handcuffs and all. I threw my arms around his neck and squeezed as hard as I could.

“No, you’re not taking him!” I shouted. This was more than I could bear. Somehow the reality of it hadn’t really hit me until this moment. Gerard was going to jail. Possibly for a very long time. There was nothing I could do about it.

A police officer pulled me away and escorted me a safe distance from the squad cars.

“Frankie!” Gerard cried, tears spilling down his face. I’d never seen him in such anguish. It must have surpassed my own, which was overwhelming me by this point. My chest hurt from crying silently by the sidelines, as everything seemed to go in slow motion.

He leapt towards me, to comfort me, and find comfort himself, before he thought about what he was doing. Those bastards took it as if he was trying to escape, and took him down in half a second. Donna Way screamed, and Mikey cried out.

“You bastards! Let go of him! He’s just a kid! He’s just a fucking kid!!” Mikey screamed in agony for his older brother. I could almost see a little part of him die, by the light that went out in his fourteen-year-old eyes.

I dropped to my knees as they let him up, and I saw a streak of blood run down his face.

“No!” was all I could say. I screamed it until the word no longer held any meaning. Donna had collapsed, and a fourth policeman, other than the two hustling Gerard, and the one containing me, went to her aid. Mikey kneeled beside her and bawled his eyes out. My heart bled for him.

Gerard stopped, just before reaching the door of the squad car, and said something, very quietly and calmly to the officers. They gave each other skeptical glances, and gave the signal to the policeman holding me to let me go.

I stood up shakily and walked over to where they were about to take the best part of me away. The part that laughed, loved, and felt.

I didn’t know then that I would never do any of those things again after this day.

“Don’t wait for me,” he whispered, his voice thick with tears. I pulled back, hurt bewilderment mixing with the fading feeling of hysteria showing on my face. Before I could respond, they ducked him into the car and took him from me.

After that, all was black.