This Is Not Goodbye

I sighed as I packed my clothes and belongings into the green duffel bag that was sitting on my double bed. My eyes scanned across the bedroom, checking I hadn't forgotten anything important. They rested on a framed picture on my bedside table, a photo taken around two years ago. My fingers traced over my friend's faces, and tears slowly formed at my eyes as I remembered the innocence we held in the palm of our hands that summer.

"Okay, everyone in the picture!" my mom ordered, and our group of six gathered around in front of her. Michael and Andy stood at the back, and Mike, William, Adam and myself manoeuvred our way into seated positions at the front. I felt an arm snake around my waist and pull me closer toward its owner, so I gently lent on Adam as we posed for the camera.
"SISKY HAS A BABY PENIS!" Andy bellowed, and we all laughed as my mom clicked the camera shutter, Adam included, until he realised what Andy had actually said.
"Wonderful," my mom smiled, chuckling to herself as she walked back into the house, leaving us to carry on our water fight.
"I love you, Alexa," Adam whispered, his arm wrapped protectively around my waist once more.
"I love you too, Adam" I whispered back, leaning over to kiss his cheek.
"Promise you'll never leave me."
"I promise you, Adam. I promise with all of my heart."

I eased the frame apart and slid the photo out from the small gap I had created before carefully adding it to the small photo album I was taking with me. I remembered that day so well, the memory stung to think of it. I was breaking that promise today. I was leaving Adam. I had been stationed all over Africa for nine months to perform minor surgical duties that were desperately needed there. It was only now, as I packed my things and prepared to leave, that I began to doubt my choices.

"You're doing what?" Adam asked, not wanting to believe the news I had just told him.
"It's invaluable training, apparently. They want me to go, for nine months and nine months only. I was told it's the only time I'll ever have to leave here," the words spilling out of my mouth didn't make Adam nor myself feel any better or reassured about the entire prospect.
"When do you leave?" he mumbled.
"Two months. I leave in two months time."

"Hey," I looked up toward to the doorway to see Adam staring at his shoes, hands in his pockets, not wanting me to leave. My azure blue eyes filled with tears at the sight of my boyfriend. He looked so helpless, so young, and I wished for all the world that I didn't have to leave.
But I did.
"Hi," I whispered, zipping my bag closed and placing it on the floor. I slowly crept toward Adam, desperately willing him to look at me. I stopped around six inches away, frowning at his refusal to look at me.
"Adam," I trailed off, I had no idea what else to say, "Adam, look at me. Please."
"I don't want you to go," a lone tear fell out of Adam's eye and began trailing down his cheek before I wiped it away with my thumb. I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck, the tears I'd been trying to hold back cascading freely as we embraced.
"I don't want to go either. I don't want to leave you, Adam. I really don't," Adam's grip on me tightened on me as I wailed into his neck before our lips collided in a passionate kiss.
I had spent last night saying my tearful see-you-later's to William, Andy, Michael and Mike. See you later, not goodbye. Goodbye means forever. I would be coming back after nine months. I had thirty minutes left to speak to my parents before Adam drove me to the airport.
"Mom?" my head peeked around the corner of the kitchen door. My parents were sat around the table; dad sat with a blank expression on his face as mom burst into tears at the sight of me.
"My baby Alexa. Don't get hurt. Please. Come back to us safe again," a lump formed in my throat as I watched her choke out each sentence through her tears. I ran around to her and hugged her tightly, wishing I could have been transported back fifteen years ago to when I was five and able to crawl into her lap.
"I love you, mommy," I mumbled, still holding onto her. I let go and turned to my dad.
"Alexa. I'm, we're so very, very proud of you. I may not have told you this as much as I should have, but I love you, sweetheart," my arms were soon clamped around my dad's waist as he kissed my forehead.

The cool Chicago air hit my face as I stepped outside toward my car where Adam was waiting patiently for me. I slipped into the passenger seat and, without any words spoken, Adam began driving toward O'Hare airport.

"This is my farewell," my hand snapped the CD off as I paid full attention to the lyrics.

"Sorry," I apologised, before looking down toward my shoes once more. The ride was completed in silence, the pair of us savouring in each other's company before I had to go. My heart sank even further as Adam parked the car and grabbed my bag from the trunk. He carried it in for me before stopping at the check-in doorway.

"I love you," I said before kissing him softly on the lips.

"I love you too. I'll miss you," he murmured, his eyes glued to the floor.

"Adam, I'm going to make a promise to you. One I will definitely keep this time."

"What?" he questioned, gently brushing a stray brown lock of hair from my eyes as he looked at me.

"This is not goodbye. This is not forever. I will come back after nine months, and then I will always stay with you, wherever you may go. I promise you," with those words and one last kiss, I grabbed my bag and headed toward the desk, glancing at Adam with a small smile attached to my face.

Roll on November, because I'm coming back home.