Why is loving him so hard?

Kelly’s Pov

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Tommy asked. “Or are you going to be absent again?”

“No, I’ll be there. Same as always. Like I said, I overslept that’s all,” I lied.

“K, bye,” Tommy said, leaning over for one last hug.

Then he smiled and walked out. I closed the door and quickly locked it. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. A minute later, I opened my eyes and looked out the window at Tommy’s distant figure. Just then, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it said Sidney. I picked it up, glad to be able to talk to someone.

“Hey,” I chirped into the phone. “What’s up?”

“The weirdest thing happened today,” Sidney said instantly, sounding ok; not one bit depressed.

“What happened?” I asked, itching to find out.

“Well, you know how I’ve been all depressed lately about the whole Rick situation?” Sidney began.

“Yes, yes. Just tell me,” I begged. “You’re killing me with anticipation,”

“He apologized to me,” Sidney said. “Can you believe that? It’s crazy right?”

“Wow. What did you say to him?” I asked. “Did you forgive him?”

“Hell no!’ Sidney screeched. “Not after what that asshole did to me. I told him I never wanted to talk to him ever again. Then I said, have a nice life,”

“I’m proud of you Sidney,” I said. “What he did to you wasn’t right and he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. Fuck him. Let him feel as guilty as possible,”

Even though I knew I should hate Rick right now, I just couldn’t. He had been the only one who felt a little bit of sympathy towards me when Tommy and his boys made my life hell. Rick had actually comforted me. He had told me I could talk to him anytime I needed to. Even after what happened between me and him in the caf, it was impossible for me to hate him. I just couldn’t. How come I found it so easy to hate Tommy, but then hating Rick was nearly impossible?

Tommy’s Pov

I walked into the house and saw Rick laying down on the couch, his hands behind his head. He looked confused.

“Hey little brother,” I said. “What’s up?”

Rick looked up at me, then shook his head.

“I’m just confused,” Rick stated. “That’s all,”

“Yeah, I kind of figured,” I laughed. “You want to tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I could help. Besides, I am your big brother,”

Rick sat up and I went to sit down next to him. He looked at me and gave me a little smile.

“It’s not really a problem. It’s more like a situation that I feel bad about,” Rick admitted. “You remember what I did to Sidney,”

“Yeah, when you slept with her and completely ignored her after that,” I said. “I remember,”

“Ok, you didn’t have to make it sound that messed up, even though I know it was,” Rick said. “That’s besides the point. The point is, I apologized to her today. She said she would never forgive me and she told me to have a nice life,”

“Alright. So, what exactly is the problem?” I asked, confused.

“I just feel bad, that’s all,” Rick confessed. “I mean, I actually had liked her,”

“Then why the hell did you do that to her?” I asked him.

“I honestly don’t know. I guess I was just really angry,” Rick said. “A lot of shit had been bothering me,”

Rick’s Pov

I really didn’t know why I had done it. I was just really angry over the whole Kelly going out with Tommy thing. I had a little crush on her back then and I had been jealous, but that still wasn’t acceptable for what I did to Sidney. I mean, Sidney had been a virgin. I hadn’t even known that till she told me today. That was the real reason I was feeling so damn bad right now.

“Hey Tommy, did you know that I was Sidney’s first?” I asked Tommy, who’s mouth suddenly hung open.

“What? Huh? No way,” Tommy stuttered. “Wow, I would’ve never known. I mean, Sidney is such a fine girl and she has a slammin body. I’m just wow, I’m shocked,”

“Yeah, I was to. And now I don’t know what to do. I just feel so,” I sighed. “Tommy, I don’t know how you do it. Hurt girls like you do. I’m not you, I feel bad for my actions. I know that right now, Sidney is probably sitting her room, crying her eyes out. And why? All because of me. If you don’t see anything wrong with that, then damn Tommy, you really are the devil’s brother. Me on the other hand, I don’t even know what I am right now. Cruel? Sweet? Confused? Dumb? Lonely? Or maybe just jealous?”

I whispered the last part. The jealous part. I was really jealous. Jealous that Tommy had just gotten back from the park with Kelly. Why did he get to spend so much time with her? I had to apologize to her before I went crazy.

“Wait, what? Did you just say jealous? Of what?” Tommy asked, looking shell shocked.

“Nothing. I don’t know. I just got mixed emotions,” I said. “Hey, I’m going to go upstairs in my room. Don’t bother me. I’m tired. I’m going to take a quick rest,”

I walked up stairs. I wasn’t really going to bed. I was going to call Kelly and apologize to her. I took out my cell phone and sat down on my bed. My hands were actually shaking as I did this. I was kind of nervous. What was she going to say to me? Only one way to find out. I let out a deep breath as I dialed Kelly’s number.

Kelly’s Pov

I was sitting down, watching last night’s Gossip Girl, when my cell phone rang. I was so absorbed into the show, I didn’t even bother looking at the caller ID. I picked up the phone, my eyes glued to the TV.

“Hello, Kelly speaking,” I said.

“Umm hey, it’s Rick obviously,” The other voice said.

It was then I snapped back to reality. Wait, Rick! What the hell was I going to say? Wasn’t he like, mad at me? I must have been quiet for a while because he spoke again.

“Alright, I know you’re probably wondering why I’m calling, but here goes nothing,” Rick said. “I just wanted to say, I’m sorry for what I said to you in the caf the other day,”

Was he serious? He was calling to apologize to me. I was the one who’d walked out smiling. I was the one who’d felt like the bitch. But then again, I was supposed to be mad at him for what he did to Sidney. Honestly, who gave? It wasn’t like I was the one he’d done that to. It wasn’t my fault Sidney made a big mistake and slept with him. Because to be honest, I didn’t want to be mad at Rick. I wanted to be back to how we used to be. Friends. That didn’t feel just right however.

“Ok. Thank you. I accept your apology,” I said earnestly. “And I’m sorry to for what I’d said to you,”

“Oh wow. You’re apologizing to me. I thought you were mad at me. Aren’t you?” Rick asked.

“No, I’m not. I’m not mad at all,” I said. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow at school, right?”

“Yeah, see you too,” Rick said. “So, umm, bye,”

I said bye and closed the phone. My heart was pounding and my pulse was racing. The reason for this was because I knew why friends didn’t sound or feel just right. With Rick, friends just simply wasn’t enough. With Rick, I needed more than just friends.