Status: In progress of next chapter. :)
Intuition.
0012.
“What are you doing home?” I asked, stopping short when I walked into the kitchen. It was Thursday afternoon, the day before Gerard would sleep over and three days before my Dad was even due to come home.
He looked up at me and I couldn’t help but notice the dark bags under his eyes and his dull, pale complexion. It was too noticeable. He was in a pair of track pants and a daggy, old shirt.
“They sent me home.” The statement was short and crisp, like he hadn’t spoken in a while.
“Why?”
“I have a stomach bug,” he replied feebly, a small smile starting to form on his lips. It was kind of ironic, in a way, him being sick. It made me smile slightly too.
“But I’m going back at about lunchtime tomorrow, after I sleep for a bit,” he said, more to himself than me, while dragging a hand through his shaggy brown hair.
“Stay home until the afternoon,” I pleaded softly, “I’ll take the day off school and look after you.”
I hoped, for a small moment, that he’d relent and say yes.
“I can’t, Frank. You know that.”
My heart sank. Images of me and my Dad sitting on the couch all day, watching movies and drinking a shit load of lemonade, vanished completely.
“Yeah, I know,” I whispered, forcing a smile. “Got to go and play superman, hey?”
He smiled at me and as he passed, he ruffled my hair. A small tear slid down my cheek as I listened to him walk up the stairs. He wasn’t the man I used to know. My Dad had long since gone and been replaced by a look-alike. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was a little kid again, back when everything was all okay.
That night, before I went to sleep, I wrote a letter to my Mum.
Mum,
It’s been a while since I’ve written, Mummy, I know. Sorry about that. It’s just that I’ve met this wonderful person. His name is Gerard. I know hardly anything about him, but I do know that he’s different. He’s different from anyone I’ve ever known.
Daddy’s still working all the time. After you left he didn’t know what to do. He was weak, he broke down and he isn’t my daddy anymore. He’s still like that, just under the surface. I miss being young enough to call you guys Mummy and Daddy.
He’s never home anymore, never there for me. He’s naïve to anything going on outside of his own little world. His world consists only of whatever hospital he’s working at. I bet if I went drinking, starting smoking or taking drugs he wouldn’t notice. He doesn’t notice anything anymore, Mummy.
If you were here, you’d know straight away. You’d see what’s going on and save me and Dad. Save both of us. He needs saving, saving form himself. But then again, if you were still here this wouldn’t have happened. Why couldn’t you have just eaten Mummy? Why did you just give up? Dad and I love you so much, we need you. Now more than ever.
But, you’re not here. That’s okay though. I’m getting through everything. Slowly, but I am. I’m still playing piano, Mummy. I play for you a lot. Can you hear me?
I love you. I always will. Every memory I have of you I’ve etched into my brain, so I won’t ever forget. But trying to forget you is like me trying to forget to breathe. Impossible, Mummy.
Goodnight. From your little Frankie.
The next day went by so fast even though I’d had hardly any sleep last night. I was so surprised when the last bell rang and Gerard came jogging up to me at the front of the school.
“I’ll be over at your house in about half an hour, okay? I promise. My mother’s working until five today and I just have to go home and make sure Mikey hasn’t burnt the house down. I don’t trust that boy.”
I laughed along with Gerard’s easy chuckling. “It’s fine. I’ll be waiting for you. You remember the way, right?”
He nodded, “Yep, of course I do. See you soon.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
We both went our separate ways, me to the bus and Gerard the way he went home. The bus ride was loud, like always. But I didn’t pay attention much; I was too excited for tonight. I couldn’t sit still, I couldn’t think of anything else.
Every time I thought about it a huge smile would somehow shape itself on my mouth, I couldn’t stop. And, in a way, I felt like Gerard. Like I just couldn’t stop smiling.
He looked up at me and I couldn’t help but notice the dark bags under his eyes and his dull, pale complexion. It was too noticeable. He was in a pair of track pants and a daggy, old shirt.
“They sent me home.” The statement was short and crisp, like he hadn’t spoken in a while.
“Why?”
“I have a stomach bug,” he replied feebly, a small smile starting to form on his lips. It was kind of ironic, in a way, him being sick. It made me smile slightly too.
“But I’m going back at about lunchtime tomorrow, after I sleep for a bit,” he said, more to himself than me, while dragging a hand through his shaggy brown hair.
“Stay home until the afternoon,” I pleaded softly, “I’ll take the day off school and look after you.”
I hoped, for a small moment, that he’d relent and say yes.
“I can’t, Frank. You know that.”
My heart sank. Images of me and my Dad sitting on the couch all day, watching movies and drinking a shit load of lemonade, vanished completely.
“Yeah, I know,” I whispered, forcing a smile. “Got to go and play superman, hey?”
He smiled at me and as he passed, he ruffled my hair. A small tear slid down my cheek as I listened to him walk up the stairs. He wasn’t the man I used to know. My Dad had long since gone and been replaced by a look-alike. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was a little kid again, back when everything was all okay.
That night, before I went to sleep, I wrote a letter to my Mum.
Mum,
It’s been a while since I’ve written, Mummy, I know. Sorry about that. It’s just that I’ve met this wonderful person. His name is Gerard. I know hardly anything about him, but I do know that he’s different. He’s different from anyone I’ve ever known.
Daddy’s still working all the time. After you left he didn’t know what to do. He was weak, he broke down and he isn’t my daddy anymore. He’s still like that, just under the surface. I miss being young enough to call you guys Mummy and Daddy.
He’s never home anymore, never there for me. He’s naïve to anything going on outside of his own little world. His world consists only of whatever hospital he’s working at. I bet if I went drinking, starting smoking or taking drugs he wouldn’t notice. He doesn’t notice anything anymore, Mummy.
If you were here, you’d know straight away. You’d see what’s going on and save me and Dad. Save both of us. He needs saving, saving form himself. But then again, if you were still here this wouldn’t have happened. Why couldn’t you have just eaten Mummy? Why did you just give up? Dad and I love you so much, we need you. Now more than ever.
But, you’re not here. That’s okay though. I’m getting through everything. Slowly, but I am. I’m still playing piano, Mummy. I play for you a lot. Can you hear me?
I love you. I always will. Every memory I have of you I’ve etched into my brain, so I won’t ever forget. But trying to forget you is like me trying to forget to breathe. Impossible, Mummy.
Goodnight. From your little Frankie.
The next day went by so fast even though I’d had hardly any sleep last night. I was so surprised when the last bell rang and Gerard came jogging up to me at the front of the school.
“I’ll be over at your house in about half an hour, okay? I promise. My mother’s working until five today and I just have to go home and make sure Mikey hasn’t burnt the house down. I don’t trust that boy.”
I laughed along with Gerard’s easy chuckling. “It’s fine. I’ll be waiting for you. You remember the way, right?”
He nodded, “Yep, of course I do. See you soon.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
We both went our separate ways, me to the bus and Gerard the way he went home. The bus ride was loud, like always. But I didn’t pay attention much; I was too excited for tonight. I couldn’t sit still, I couldn’t think of anything else.
Every time I thought about it a huge smile would somehow shape itself on my mouth, I couldn’t stop. And, in a way, I felt like Gerard. Like I just couldn’t stop smiling.