Save Me From The Nothing I've Become

Save me from the nothing I've become

Created by june1903
This is a short story about my life...I just need someone to take 5 minutes out of their life to read it...

Created by june1903 on Saturday, September 13, 2008

Tagged:
story,
my

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

“Save me from the nothing I’ve become.”

This is the story of a girl, who was never able to sing, dance, or be herself. She always tried to hide her pain, thinking it was best for everyone in the long run. People always told her, “You’re doing it wrong.” How can you be yourself incorrectly? She just wanted to cry and have someone hold her. I am that girl. This, is my story.

I started out happy, always thinking everyone was looking out for me. I didn’t realize what was going on, until it was too late. I could no longer speak for myself. I don’t try to make myself feel bad, it just sort of happened. The only way I can truly express myself, is by sitting alone in my room singing to Evanescence songs, crying my eyes out.

People know me as, “that quiet girl who sits alone in the corner.” But I don’t want to be her anymore. I want to sing and be heard, dance and be seen. At least once in my life. I know now that I am not in charge of my life. I’m just a puppet living by someone else’s standards. My opinion isn’t worth anything now, so I rarely speak. Only when spoken to directly. Even then, I don’t contribute much. Most people think I’m suffering from a broken heart, because of a bad breakup or something…but it’s really different. I’ve never dated. Ever. After a while, I just kind of let people think that. I’m sewn together, but broken inside.

People expect me to be perfect. Have all A’s, be in cheerleading, crap like that. It’s disgusting. I know they can’t be happy with me trying my best. I have to be as good as the next girl, but they’d rather me be better. I stopped caring. They still haven’t realized their mistake, and I doubt they ever will. It’s just going to be blamed on me. Again. But what else is new?

I’m told who my friends can and cannot be. I’m told what to do every night, and basically followed around so they can be sure I did it. Eventually, I started ignoring even the people in my immediate family. And, of course, they think it’s because I “have an attitude problem.” I wouldn’t have the stupid attitude if I could just say what’s on my mind every now and then. So, in order to vent, I have to write out my life story, because no one else is going to listen. I know that no one else can save me.

The saddest part is, I can never escape it. I’m not “allowed” to move out until I get married, and I’m not going to get married because I never talk to anyone! It’s odd that, they don’t even realize how much damage they’ve done, and they’re still fighting the truth. And even if they ever do figure it out, they’re going to ignore the little light bulb and go “she’s not talking to us because she thinks she’s too good for us.” And, I won’t even give a crap. They’ve done enough. I’m never going to feel guilty about what I do to them….Mentally, that is.

Even though it depresses me that I can’t speak without being shot down, I do have one amazing friend. I’m so protective of her, because I don’t know who I’d be without her. She’s the only one I can be myself with. I can’t go more then a day without talking to her. She’s always been there for me, and I just hope I can be there when she needs me. Although I’ve been told I couldn’t be her friend (for reasons still unknown to me) I didn’t care. I acted as though no one said anything against it.

My laptop was taken away, and countless other futile ways to keep me from contacting her, but I always found ways. Eventually, they realized that I couldn’t be stopped and just let me make one choice. It was the best choice I ever made. Although it was one of the few I was allowed to make, I still won’t ever regret it. I love her as much, or maybe even more, then my blood sister.

I try to get out of my house as much as I can, but I have stupid rules. I can’t go anywhere they can’t see me. So if I want to go for a walk, I have to walk in circles in my front yard. Sad, right? I got sick of it, so I just go to other peoples houses or the mall as much as possible. But even then they won’t stop. They call me about every fifteen minutes asking what I’m doing. They even do it if I tell them I’m about to start a movie. And if I don’t pick up, they ban me from what ever place I was.

So, they aren’t really making me want to tell them the truth much. I try to anyway, but there’s really no reason for it. Of course they get mad if I lie and crap, they yell and say “no laptop” or whatever, but it’s not like I’m going to die. I have a cell phone, I have a ps3 which has internet, and they don’t even know that. Show’s how “knowledgeable” they are.

I’m amazed you’ve even gotten to this part. If I was anyone else, I would just think I’m some emo kid and stop reading. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me in this. Just the fact that you even took the time to go through this warms what’s left of my heart. You can always email me if you ever want to talk about anything. I’m always here to listen.

So, that’s basically my story. There is so much more, but I don’t have the time or heart to finish. I’m sure you can be creative and figure it out. (Just don’t let your imagination go too wild.) Thank you so much for reading.

-Midnight (June1903)