Secrets Are Hard To Keep

Nick’s POV

I hadn’t left my room for a day. I was forced to eat because of my diabetes and because I knew my family deserved better than that. I talked when spoken to but noting more than necessary. My brothers, except Frankie, took turns with my parents at ‘looking after me’. I’d prefer to be left though.

Joe came into my room, not with food but with a letter. He handed it to me, gave me a small smile and left me alone with it. As soon as I saw it was Julia’s writing I shot up. I switched on my lamp and carefully opened it.

My hands shook as I unfolded the paper.

Dear Nicholas,

I feel like a coward writing a letter but I thought the words might come out better than if I tried to say it to you. So here it is. I have to move to Madrid for three months. Stupid football. I’m going to record my album while I’m over there, but none of that matters.

I’ll miss you so much. I did what I did because you deserve more than a phone call which is probably all you’d get. You deserve to go out and have the time of your life. I won’t be your first and I won’t be your last or the only girl you’ll ever love. You can find someone who is much better than me, someone who is going to be there, always.

You may think that we could have survived three months away from each other. I don’t want you to think that I doubt the strength of us because I don’t. I’m simply making this easier. I can see it now, the arguments and the misunderstandings that would happen. It would be misery. I don’t know that for certain but I’m not risking it, you don’t need it and neither do I.

We’ll see each other again some day. As if I could live a life without you, if it was without you it wouldn’t be worth living. I sincerely hope you don’t hate me for this but if you don’t want to speak to me I understand. On the other hand, if you do I promise I won’t avoid talking to you.

Nicholas Jerry Jonas, you believed in me more than I believed in my self and you expected more from me than I did. You’ve made me a stronger person and I love you with all I have.

Remember what I told you; when life gives you one hundred reasons to cry, show life a thousand reasons to smile.

I love you, no matter what.

Julia.

I placed the letter back into its envelope and left it on my bedside cabinet. I felt some what of a relief, knowing why she did it but I was still angry. Yes, very angry.

So, when your love is over and everything seems to be going downhill… you feel like nothing at all. Don’t think your love dies, you can tell yourself how much you hate them and you can replay that conversation over and over again. But as soon as you see their face again, you’re going to get that feeling, your stomach is going to hurt and everything will come flooding back to you. The first time you kissed, all the pictures you took, every single memory you have will knock down those walls and they’ll just tumble down. Your heart is going to hurt, it’s going to feel like it’s on fire… but deep down you’re always going to have that love for them and whenever you hear anything about them it’s going to take all your strength to not go after them and grab onto them, just to bring back all those memories without the hurt. But keep on trying, keep telling yourself you hate them and there will never be anything between you two ever again. Lie to yourself over and over. But it’s not going to work… because real love never dies.