Opposites Attract

To say that I’d had better days would be the understatement of the year. Let me just tell you that Wednesday August 20th was one of the worst days of my life. Anything would have been better than the anguish that weighed down every bone in my body. Kevin and Joe weren’t talking to each other, and that’s saying something because the Jonases rarely ever fought. To my thinking, I was the cause of their riff. But then, there was one tiny light in my very dark day.

“Are you okay?” A concerned Nicholas asked as he took a seat on the couch in my dressing room.

“I’m fine,” I muttered, “Dani isn’t here.”

“Did you forget that aside from being the only sane Jonas, I’m also the only Jonas with 20/20 vision? I can see that Dani isn’t here. I didn’t come to talk to her,” he replied cheerily.

“Then leave,” I said and turned to face the wall.

“Emma, you can’t blame yourself,” Nick told me, “My brothers have really outdone themselves this time. I didn’t know they were capable of such idiocy.”

“Are you sure you’re only sixteen?” I asked, slightly smiling, as I turned around.

“I think so. I could check my birth certificate though if you need verification,” he laughed.

“No, I’m good,” I answered, “did Dani tell you to talk to me?”

“I came on my own accord,” Nick assured me, “You were down and I wanted to cheer you up. That’s what friends do.”

“No offense or anything, but you and I aren’t really friends. You’re always with Dani, and I’m always with one of your brothers, I guess we just sort of floated past each other,” I sighed wistfully.

“Geez, I didn’t know I had to ask you formally,” Nick pretended to be ticked off.

He got down on one knee in front of me and I started laughing hysterically before he could even say anything. I could definitely see why Dani was attracted to him.

“Emma Perry,” he began, “will you be my friend?”

“Yes, I will,” I answered in between giggles.

Nick stood back up, laughing with me. “There it is,” he grinned and pointed at my mouth.

“There what is?” I asked in confusion.

“Your smile. There’s your smile,” he clarified, “I knew it was there somewhere, it just needed some coaxing.”

“Whoever christened you the quiet one had something wrong with their head. You could give Joe a run for his money,” I giggled, but then frowned.

Joe. His name made me uneasy. I’d got him in a fight with his brother, and a rather large one at that. It really was my fault. They were fighting over me, after all. And Joe had been trying to stick up for me. He’d been right to call Kevin out when he accused me of cheating, but maybe I should’ve said something before it turned into World War III.

“Nick?” I asked softly.

“Yeah?” he replied.

“Do you think I could have some alone time before the show? I need to think,” I told him.

Nick nodded. “Sure. I’ll tell JT and Dani not to bother you.”

“Thanks.”

He closed the door behind himself and I sank back onto the couch. Nick’s little visit had cheered me up, but in the long run everything was still royally screwed up. Kevin and Joe were at odds. I wasn’t talking to either of them. It was all so confusing. Especially since I wasn’t sure about how I felt for either of them.

Joe was sweet and sincere, and I trusted that he’d never hurt me. He was always bouncing off the walls and so much fun to be with. I could talk to him easily and I knew he wouldn’t judge me. He had been my best friend but it wasn’t hard to see us as something more.

And then there was Kevin. Or should I say, Kevin and Eva, since they appeared to be a package deal. You’d think the fact that he was taken would be a turn-off, but it wasn’t. It was easy to see he hated her almost as much as I did. He just didn’t have the balls to break up with her. And if you ignored that fact, being with him was like floating in mid-air. He could make a crowded room feel empty.

I didn’t know what to do and my head was starting to hurt from thinking so much.. I picked up my guitar and notebook, thinking maybe writing a song would help, when a scrap of paper fell out into my lap. It was yellowed, wrinkled with age, and the ink was slightly faded. It was the note my dad had left the night he ran off. I was only 8 then. The note used to be in a drawer in my desk but when I’d left for tour I put it in my notebook so I’d have it with me.

Let your heart be your compass,
and you will never get lost.

I smiled to myself for a moment. Let my heart be my compass. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

“Emma, come on! We’re on in 10!” JT yelled as she swung the door open.

“Alright, I’m coming,” I muttered as I tucked the piece of paper back into my notebook.

Our performance definitely was not as good as it could have been. You could tell I was distracted. I was still thinking. But by the end out set, I was pretty sure I had it all figured out.

My brain was telling me to be with Joe. He was safe; he’d never hurt me. My heart was saying something else. My heart was telling me to take a risk. Go for the unpredictable. Kevin. I was scared though, of what the outcome would be. But I wasn’t just going to go crawling back. Hell no. There would have to be some changes made to the fabric of the relationship.

It probably wasn’t going to be easy but I’d done a lot of thinking and in the end, I knew I was doing the right thing. I was following my heart. I just wish I had some more faith in my decision.

“Kevin,” I called out, knocking on his dressing room door. I was praying he was still there and hadn’t gone back to the bus yet.

“You’re talking to me?” he asked curiously as he swung open the door.

“Sort of,” I muttered and sidled past him in to the room.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kevin questioned.

“Sit,” I ordered and sat on the couch as well.

“Okay, but why to I have to sit?” he continued.

“Because I said so,” I hissed, “You really want to fight me on that?”

“No, I’m sitting,” he said quickly and plopped on to the couch.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today. I messed up the words to Believe In Me because my mind was totally somewhere else. And after all this thinking, I’ve come to a decision. And actually, this decision doesn’t even make much sense to me because basically you’ve treated me like crap,” I took a deep breath and I was going to continue, but Kevin butted in.

“I know I haven’t been the best guy in the world to you but I think ‘crap’ is a bit harsh,” he protested.

“Would you let me finish?” I yelled, and then more calmly continued, “My dad took off on my mom and I when I was eight and all he left was this little note that said to let my heart be my compass. So that’s what I’m doing and I hope to God that I’m making the right choice. I don’t know why, but I like you. A lot. You have a girlfriend, and strangely, that’s not a turnoff. It’s wrong, but it feels right. I can’t explain it Kevin, but my heart is telling me to be with you. My brain is telling me to go with Joe, but I’m ignoring that. Don’t make me regret this.”

“I broke up with her,” Kevin blurted.

“You broke up with Eva?” I asked.

“Yeah. She was the safe choice, like Joe is for you. I knew she’d never break up with me because then she wouldn’t have anyone to make her look good. With you it’s not like that. You could meet someone else or just decide you don’t like me anymore. And you’re so hard to read. Eva was just using me, that wasn’t exactly a secret. I don’t know what you’re thinking though, and that scares me. How do I know you’re not just around for the career boost? How do I know you’re not going leave me?” he asked softly.

“You could just trust me,” I suggested.

“Right, because hooking up with my brother is totally trustworthy,” Kevin muttered.

“So that wasn’t my finest moment, don’t hold it against me,” I pleaded.

“I don’t want to be just another celebrity that got used by a wannabe. I don’t want to just another heart broken star,” he said, his hazel eyes begging for the trust that I had misplaced.

“You weren’t just another star to me,” I told him, “You were the whole damn sky. You still are.”

I got up from the dressing room couch and walked away. He obviously had trust issues, so I figured it best to let him think about what I said. I had to do some more thinking too. I had to think of a way to let Joe down easy. This day just wasn’t getting any better.