The Reason
The Reason
The Reason
I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I bring the bottle up to my lips; I’m about to lift it and pour some of the warm, comforting liquid into my mouth. I stop. His face is in front of me, I can see him but he’s not really here. He’s probably out somewhere fucking Sonny.
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I’m going to stop Frank. I promise, I won’t drink anymore. I’ll do it for you. But that’s the point isn’t it? I’d be happy if I had you: I wouldn’t even have to drink. I don’t have you though, do I? You have Sonny and he’s everything I’m not.
I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
You always said you hated watching me destroy myself, and I always gave you fake reasons for doing so. You don’t know that you’re the reason I can’t bear to be sober. Do you cry to him Frank? I always hear you whispering to him that you need to look after me and you’ll help me. It doesn’t give me a confidence boost you know Frank, when I hear you whispering to your boyfriend about how bad I am. You always tell me that you love me when you’re trying to calm me down and stop me drinking. It’s just a shame you don’t mean it the way I want you to.
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
The tour bus door has just shut and I call out.
“It’s just me.” You reply, I know its you from the first syllable. My heart skips a beat as you walk into the small studio at the back of the bus. I’m ripping the original artists voice from the track I am about to record and give to you on a CD. You ask what I’m doing and I tell you that you’ll see. I don’t think that you believe me.
I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I can’t do it without you anymore. I know that I need to get out: I need to escape. Escape from you but more importantly myself. I carry on and begin to sing the lyrics to the song. I’m not aware but he’s watching me as I sing. I look up and see him as I am singing the last chorus. I decide that there is no point in stopping now. I continue to sing looking straight in his eyes and he looks back into mine. My vision is blurry and my eyes are starting to sting. I feel a warm, salty tear slide down my cheek and onto my neck. More tears follow.
“I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you”
Eye contact is locked, both our faces are damp with tears and this moment isn’t what I expected. Don’t get me wrong, I want him to know, I’m fed up of him not knowing, but he wasn’t supposed to see me and I wasn’t supposed to be watching his reaction. I sing the last verse and it’s all I think about. I don’t think about the consequences, I don’t even think about what he’s thinking. I continue to sing and I close my eyes, breaking the eye contact I had with him and I concentrate on each sound I emit from my mouth.
“I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you”
I finish singing and click burn. Seconds later the disk ejects itself and I pick it up. I place it on the table in front of me as I pick up a CD marker and write around the edge. ‘This is for you Frankie I mean every word. All my love, G xx’ I walk up to him and place the CD in his hands, and then I whisper in his ear.
“I’ll quit for you Frank. I’ll quit drinking.” He wraps his arms around my waist and we stand there together crying. I’m not sure if they are tears of joy or sorrow. I look at him and he looks back, the tears in his eyes making them shine brighter than usual.
“I meant it every time I told you I loved you.” We both cried harder and all I could do was hold him. The band returned to the bus and saw us, each of them smiled at us before leaving us alone debating whether we could make this work.
Let me know if you like this, I will definately write another ending to it, one where it isn't okay. I might turn it into a chaptered fic at a later date too, so let me know what you think.
I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I bring the bottle up to my lips; I’m about to lift it and pour some of the warm, comforting liquid into my mouth. I stop. His face is in front of me, I can see him but he’s not really here. He’s probably out somewhere fucking Sonny.
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I’m going to stop Frank. I promise, I won’t drink anymore. I’ll do it for you. But that’s the point isn’t it? I’d be happy if I had you: I wouldn’t even have to drink. I don’t have you though, do I? You have Sonny and he’s everything I’m not.
I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
You always said you hated watching me destroy myself, and I always gave you fake reasons for doing so. You don’t know that you’re the reason I can’t bear to be sober. Do you cry to him Frank? I always hear you whispering to him that you need to look after me and you’ll help me. It doesn’t give me a confidence boost you know Frank, when I hear you whispering to your boyfriend about how bad I am. You always tell me that you love me when you’re trying to calm me down and stop me drinking. It’s just a shame you don’t mean it the way I want you to.
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
The tour bus door has just shut and I call out.
“It’s just me.” You reply, I know its you from the first syllable. My heart skips a beat as you walk into the small studio at the back of the bus. I’m ripping the original artists voice from the track I am about to record and give to you on a CD. You ask what I’m doing and I tell you that you’ll see. I don’t think that you believe me.
I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I can’t do it without you anymore. I know that I need to get out: I need to escape. Escape from you but more importantly myself. I carry on and begin to sing the lyrics to the song. I’m not aware but he’s watching me as I sing. I look up and see him as I am singing the last chorus. I decide that there is no point in stopping now. I continue to sing looking straight in his eyes and he looks back into mine. My vision is blurry and my eyes are starting to sting. I feel a warm, salty tear slide down my cheek and onto my neck. More tears follow.
“I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you”
Eye contact is locked, both our faces are damp with tears and this moment isn’t what I expected. Don’t get me wrong, I want him to know, I’m fed up of him not knowing, but he wasn’t supposed to see me and I wasn’t supposed to be watching his reaction. I sing the last verse and it’s all I think about. I don’t think about the consequences, I don’t even think about what he’s thinking. I continue to sing and I close my eyes, breaking the eye contact I had with him and I concentrate on each sound I emit from my mouth.
“I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you”
I finish singing and click burn. Seconds later the disk ejects itself and I pick it up. I place it on the table in front of me as I pick up a CD marker and write around the edge. ‘This is for you Frankie I mean every word. All my love, G xx’ I walk up to him and place the CD in his hands, and then I whisper in his ear.
“I’ll quit for you Frank. I’ll quit drinking.” He wraps his arms around my waist and we stand there together crying. I’m not sure if they are tears of joy or sorrow. I look at him and he looks back, the tears in his eyes making them shine brighter than usual.
“I meant it every time I told you I loved you.” We both cried harder and all I could do was hold him. The band returned to the bus and saw us, each of them smiled at us before leaving us alone debating whether we could make this work.
Let me know if you like this, I will definately write another ending to it, one where it isn't okay. I might turn it into a chaptered fic at a later date too, so let me know what you think.