Rise Above This

Dear Delia,

Don’t fret. Fifth grade will be the worst of it and after it everything else should do pretty smoothly… well, smoother.

You will get over never seeing your parents, with their working two jobs, and you will focus your energy elsewhere. If it had been school, you’d be set, but of course it’s not.

Your grandmother will be over at your house all the time to take care of you and you’ll treat her horribly. You’ll make her feel like your mom did and, in later years, you’ll feel bad and apologize, but she will forgive you- she always does.

You’ll never fully get over feeling like a horrible person for the way things went down; honestly, you could have handled it better, but you’ll learn from this.

Chasen will have been dating Caroline when you started secretly dating him and you’ll have been dating Hagen, Chasen’s twin brother, secretly while dating Chasen still. It’s going to be an extremely sticky situation, but you’ll get through it.

When you start cutting, you’ll realize that bringing that razor blade to school may have been the best thing you could have ever done. That anonymous call to that fucking bitch of a counselor you hate will have been the best thing for you. Her forcing you to show her your arms will be good. Her calling your mom will also seem good, though it may not seem like it at the time. When she talks to your mom, your mom comes and gets you and you two will talk over coffee about what was going on with you and why you were doing it.

She won’t have any idea about anyone you’re talking about or anything else, but she’ll listen and nod as if she does. It’s then that she’ll quit her second job and start being a mom to you again.

Unfortunately, it’s universally known that when one part of your life gets better, another falls to shambles.

That’s exactly what will happen.

Chasen will come over after school on Valentine’s Day and give you a hollow heart necklace with a (fake) diamond in the corner and a red rose and tell you he loves you. He leaves after that and you’ll feel like the bell of the ball.

Later that night, he’ll call you and tell you he thinks you’re a stupid whore and he never wants to see you again. You have no idea what brought this on or what you could have possibly done to prevent such an action, but it doesn’t hurt you. Well, it does, but not bad, it’s something you get over relatively quickly.

Hagen will come over after that, he’ll give you his pucah shell necklace, tell you he loves you, but he can’t be with you. Now that you and his brother are over, he doesn’t want it to look suspicious or end up having his brother hate him for being with the girl he loves.

Your world will crash and shatter.

Maddie, your supposed best friend, will up and abandon you because she was using you to get to the boys, and she’ll take Aspynn and Caroline with her.

Without any of them you have no one.

You’ll feel all alone because you were at your height of popularity, everybody wanted to hang out with you, but then the true rumors started circulating the school about your cutting and eating disorder and no one will want to be with you anymore.

You’ll become a total outcast, your previous friends looking at you with pity as you sit by the wall and read while everybody else is hanging out with their friends and playing sports.

The only one you’ll be able to count on is Kim and she’ll be your lifelong friend. She’ll be there with you through anything and everything.

You two will have some crazy adventures and, when you move away, you’ll still keep in contact and see each other whenever you come down.

As for the other situation, you’ll rise above it.

You’ll learn that you didn’t need any of them and that you are such a better person than what you were led to believe you were.

You’ll try to win back the friendship of Aspynn and Maddie. Don’t. They’re not worth it at all and you should just live your life with your true friends.

Hagen will try crawling back into your life when you hit seventh and eighth grade. Just tell him no, but even telling him no won’t stop him.

Luckily for you, you’ll be three states away from him, so there won’t be a whole lot of opportunity for him to persuade you.

You and your mom will become closer than ever and you won’t want to make any friends.

You’ll focus fully on your school work and nothing more. There’s nothing wrong with this.

Your cutting will continue until mid-October of your freshman year in high school, then you’ll stop when you meet a guy who you really care for.

You’ll get through all of your previous problems and you’ll be constantly working on being able to trust men and let people into your life in general.

Kim will tell you to get over what’s happened and just let people in and stop being so reserved, but you’ll never be able to fully do that.

Not really.

Too much bullshit has happened to you to be able to do that. You’ll want to believe that you can trust men, but after Dave(the birth father that was never around), Bill (mom’s boyfriend who turned out to be gay when you were three, and left you when you were seven without saying goodbye), Chasen, Hagen, and Xavier(the best friend you loved who didn’t love you back, but instead dated your best friend), you will never fully recover from your misfortunate, but instead, look at it this way. It could be worse. It could be a thousand times worse and you will always remember that you rose above it; all of it.

Don’t regret any decision you’ve ever made, it will just make you feel weak. Always be on your guard with new friends.

Don’t trust anyone without them earning it first.

And lastly, forgive what they’ve all done to you.

Loves,
Delia.