Rise Above This
Seventeenth Letter.
Dear Paige,
Late 2007 will be the worst for you. The cutting starts in small scratches when Julie joins you and Karen, the rest of the girls will slowly but surely drift away from you. It will hurt; they’re your best friends. But it’s for the best. Now, you’ll look back at them and realize how immature they really are, and if they were willing to leave you for such a stupid reason, they’re not your real friends.
When Julie starts getting on your nerves, tell her off. She’s trying too hard, and when you tell her she’s annoying, she’ll want to do anything to have friends and please you. The best part of all this is that you and Karen will become the best of friends, closer than sisters, nearly inseparable.
At the very end of seventh grade, Caitlin, Shannon, and Morgan will befriend you and Karen, while Julie’s friendship slowly fades as she rejoins the other group of girls. This may seem like a good thing at first, but after a while it gets slightly out of hand. They’re always laughing and joking, even when you want to talk about serious matters. You’re a person who thinks deeply; you need serious people. Karen used to be that for you, but now that Caitlin has entered the circle, she’s changed. Only when you two are alone does she return to her old self. The cutting gets worse, the scratches turn to bleeding cuts.
The week you go to Washington, DC alone for the leadership program will be the best week of your life. You’ll smile every time you think about it. You will meet your best friend, Corinne, there, and your first love, Dylan. That week, you can really be yourself. You’d never see the people again, so why care what they think about you? You wouldn’t pretend to like people, and only hung out with those you wanted to spend time with. When you’re there, you are the “pretty girl”, the one every boy stares at. You’re not used to it, for Karen has the skinny, athletic body while you’re more curvaceous; usually the boys like her, not you. The attention makes you realize that you’re not the “ugly friend”, and you shouldn’t think of yourself that way. You truly are beautiful.
Dylan asked you to be his girlfriend the second to last day of the trip. You accepted, gladly; there are hardly any boys in your school and he was one of your best friends. The only problem was that he lived four hours away, but you had family near him, so you decided it would be fine. But within the first week he would tell you he loved you, and after a time it slightly lost meaning. There would be a few fights, and you would cry. But he would always apologize first, and call you to tell you how sorry he really was. The things he would say when you made up would make you glow. Sometimes you even wanted to fight so you could feel the amazing way you did when you made up. When you go see him, you’re surprised to see he lives in a poor neighborhood. It doesn’t matter to you, though, and it shouldn’t. Your first kiss is better than you can imagine. The way he kisses you, making you forget the problems going on, as if it’s just you two and that’s all that matters, is just what you need. He tells you he loves you, in person for the first time, and it feels like he really means it. And he does.
When he tells you he needs a break, you should let him take one instead of fighting. He has issues with anger management and with his family situation. It would be better for your relationship. But, being the slightly stubborn girl you are, and in fear that you’ll lose him, you fight with him about it. He ends up taking a break, but he will come back.
In December of eighth grade, you schedule for him and Corinne to go to your house to spend the holiday break. You plan on making him your “first”. You’ve been together for six months, and, despite the distance, are completely in love. You can’t imagine life without him, and he says he feels the same. You’re the first girlfriend he’s had for over three weeks, and the only one he’s truly loved. You taught him that he really is capable of a relationship. When he goes two weeks without talking to you and breaks up with you in a Myspace message, you’ll be devastated. He says he loves you and that it has nothing to do with other girls, he just can’t deal without being able to see you often. It had been nearly two months since you cut, and this pushes you over the edge. There are fresh pink cuts on your arm, unnoticeable under the sweatshirt you wear.
As time goes on, you’ll realize that, as much as you love him, there are things that you dislike now that you never saw before. He would sometimes not talk to you for a week, or just say you’d be fine if you told him about a problem you were having, then change the topic. He would get too deep into stupid things, and occasionally say something completely wrong. You didn’t have as much in common as you thought you did. Fights would be over silly things you couldn’t remember. He had cheated on multiple girls in the past, but had promised he never had with you. You weren’t sure if you believed him, and still aren’t. The thing that hurts you most is that you know your friendship will never be the same.
Corinne and Courtney, the girl from New Jersey you met on an icon-making website, will be the ones you tell everything to. You can go from crying one minute to laughing the next with them. They know how to make you feel better, and, most importantly, they know how to listen. Tell them every problem you have, they won’t call you stupid; they’ll help you solve it.
As time goes on, in eighth grade, you’ll get fed up of having your only friends so far away, your dad’s constant bickering over stupid things, the pressure of your schoolwork, the backstabbing of the girls you used to be so close with. The day you find out they’ve been calling you fat and saying things about your and Dylan’s relationship is the day you don’t want to take it. As stupid as it is to care about what people think and say, you do care. It’s a trait you most likely will always have. You used to be so happy, friendly to everyone, and very patient. Now, little things make you sad, you lose your temper frequently, and you’re more negative. Your mom notices, and asks you what’s wrong. You usually tell her something about the girls at school being mean to you. She tells you to just ignore it, but it’s not that easy. The November night you write the letter to your mother is the night you’ll cry the most you ever have. You ask her to help you; you just want to feel happy again. You tell her about everything, even the cutting, which terrifies you. You leave the letter on her desk late at night and cry yourself to sleep.
The next morning, you’re woken by her arms around you. You can tell she’s crying.
“I’m so scared for you,” she tells you. “I can’t imagine losing you.”
You go to a therapist with your mom, but it doesn’t feel like it helps at all. You can usually talk to your mom about things; cutting is the only thing you’ve kept a secret from her. Now that it’s out, you feel like you don’t need someone professional to take that place. You only go once.
Your mom will find out about the post-breakup cutting. She cries again and tells you how worried she is. You promised her that you’d never do it again. You broke your promise, and you feel horrible. Now, remembering the helplessness your mother felt when you confessed, you find it less satisfying to cut, and feel gut-wrenchingly guilty.
When you get accepted into your number one choice for high school, it’s like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You know where you’re going: a place where no one in your current school has ever attended previously – and no one else in your class is going. When you visited the school, the family-like and artistic atmosphere appealed to you. The girls all seemed to like each other, and, even if they didn’t, did a damn good job of hiding it, unlike your school. Your hard work in school has paid off; and after a few more months, you’ll be off to the school of your dreams.
You’ve learned to hate, you’ve learned to listen, you’ve learned to watch, you’ve learned to share. You learned how to love, and you’ve learned how to be loved. You’ve learned to just keep through it, there are better things to come. You can rise above this.
Love,
Paige
Late 2007 will be the worst for you. The cutting starts in small scratches when Julie joins you and Karen, the rest of the girls will slowly but surely drift away from you. It will hurt; they’re your best friends. But it’s for the best. Now, you’ll look back at them and realize how immature they really are, and if they were willing to leave you for such a stupid reason, they’re not your real friends.
When Julie starts getting on your nerves, tell her off. She’s trying too hard, and when you tell her she’s annoying, she’ll want to do anything to have friends and please you. The best part of all this is that you and Karen will become the best of friends, closer than sisters, nearly inseparable.
At the very end of seventh grade, Caitlin, Shannon, and Morgan will befriend you and Karen, while Julie’s friendship slowly fades as she rejoins the other group of girls. This may seem like a good thing at first, but after a while it gets slightly out of hand. They’re always laughing and joking, even when you want to talk about serious matters. You’re a person who thinks deeply; you need serious people. Karen used to be that for you, but now that Caitlin has entered the circle, she’s changed. Only when you two are alone does she return to her old self. The cutting gets worse, the scratches turn to bleeding cuts.
The week you go to Washington, DC alone for the leadership program will be the best week of your life. You’ll smile every time you think about it. You will meet your best friend, Corinne, there, and your first love, Dylan. That week, you can really be yourself. You’d never see the people again, so why care what they think about you? You wouldn’t pretend to like people, and only hung out with those you wanted to spend time with. When you’re there, you are the “pretty girl”, the one every boy stares at. You’re not used to it, for Karen has the skinny, athletic body while you’re more curvaceous; usually the boys like her, not you. The attention makes you realize that you’re not the “ugly friend”, and you shouldn’t think of yourself that way. You truly are beautiful.
Dylan asked you to be his girlfriend the second to last day of the trip. You accepted, gladly; there are hardly any boys in your school and he was one of your best friends. The only problem was that he lived four hours away, but you had family near him, so you decided it would be fine. But within the first week he would tell you he loved you, and after a time it slightly lost meaning. There would be a few fights, and you would cry. But he would always apologize first, and call you to tell you how sorry he really was. The things he would say when you made up would make you glow. Sometimes you even wanted to fight so you could feel the amazing way you did when you made up. When you go see him, you’re surprised to see he lives in a poor neighborhood. It doesn’t matter to you, though, and it shouldn’t. Your first kiss is better than you can imagine. The way he kisses you, making you forget the problems going on, as if it’s just you two and that’s all that matters, is just what you need. He tells you he loves you, in person for the first time, and it feels like he really means it. And he does.
When he tells you he needs a break, you should let him take one instead of fighting. He has issues with anger management and with his family situation. It would be better for your relationship. But, being the slightly stubborn girl you are, and in fear that you’ll lose him, you fight with him about it. He ends up taking a break, but he will come back.
In December of eighth grade, you schedule for him and Corinne to go to your house to spend the holiday break. You plan on making him your “first”. You’ve been together for six months, and, despite the distance, are completely in love. You can’t imagine life without him, and he says he feels the same. You’re the first girlfriend he’s had for over three weeks, and the only one he’s truly loved. You taught him that he really is capable of a relationship. When he goes two weeks without talking to you and breaks up with you in a Myspace message, you’ll be devastated. He says he loves you and that it has nothing to do with other girls, he just can’t deal without being able to see you often. It had been nearly two months since you cut, and this pushes you over the edge. There are fresh pink cuts on your arm, unnoticeable under the sweatshirt you wear.
As time goes on, you’ll realize that, as much as you love him, there are things that you dislike now that you never saw before. He would sometimes not talk to you for a week, or just say you’d be fine if you told him about a problem you were having, then change the topic. He would get too deep into stupid things, and occasionally say something completely wrong. You didn’t have as much in common as you thought you did. Fights would be over silly things you couldn’t remember. He had cheated on multiple girls in the past, but had promised he never had with you. You weren’t sure if you believed him, and still aren’t. The thing that hurts you most is that you know your friendship will never be the same.
Corinne and Courtney, the girl from New Jersey you met on an icon-making website, will be the ones you tell everything to. You can go from crying one minute to laughing the next with them. They know how to make you feel better, and, most importantly, they know how to listen. Tell them every problem you have, they won’t call you stupid; they’ll help you solve it.
As time goes on, in eighth grade, you’ll get fed up of having your only friends so far away, your dad’s constant bickering over stupid things, the pressure of your schoolwork, the backstabbing of the girls you used to be so close with. The day you find out they’ve been calling you fat and saying things about your and Dylan’s relationship is the day you don’t want to take it. As stupid as it is to care about what people think and say, you do care. It’s a trait you most likely will always have. You used to be so happy, friendly to everyone, and very patient. Now, little things make you sad, you lose your temper frequently, and you’re more negative. Your mom notices, and asks you what’s wrong. You usually tell her something about the girls at school being mean to you. She tells you to just ignore it, but it’s not that easy. The November night you write the letter to your mother is the night you’ll cry the most you ever have. You ask her to help you; you just want to feel happy again. You tell her about everything, even the cutting, which terrifies you. You leave the letter on her desk late at night and cry yourself to sleep.
The next morning, you’re woken by her arms around you. You can tell she’s crying.
“I’m so scared for you,” she tells you. “I can’t imagine losing you.”
You go to a therapist with your mom, but it doesn’t feel like it helps at all. You can usually talk to your mom about things; cutting is the only thing you’ve kept a secret from her. Now that it’s out, you feel like you don’t need someone professional to take that place. You only go once.
Your mom will find out about the post-breakup cutting. She cries again and tells you how worried she is. You promised her that you’d never do it again. You broke your promise, and you feel horrible. Now, remembering the helplessness your mother felt when you confessed, you find it less satisfying to cut, and feel gut-wrenchingly guilty.
When you get accepted into your number one choice for high school, it’s like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You know where you’re going: a place where no one in your current school has ever attended previously – and no one else in your class is going. When you visited the school, the family-like and artistic atmosphere appealed to you. The girls all seemed to like each other, and, even if they didn’t, did a damn good job of hiding it, unlike your school. Your hard work in school has paid off; and after a few more months, you’ll be off to the school of your dreams.
You’ve learned to hate, you’ve learned to listen, you’ve learned to watch, you’ve learned to share. You learned how to love, and you’ve learned how to be loved. You’ve learned to just keep through it, there are better things to come. You can rise above this.
Love,
Paige