Rise Above This
Nineteenth Letter
Tessa,
Not “Miss Mickey”, not “Meghan”, not “Tiger Lily”. Tessa. Don’t lie to yourself. You had to grow up way too fast and that’s not changing anytime soon. Its not very common that girls barely 11 years old contemplate suicide regularly. But keep telling yourself cutting is for failures, you’ll be the one in the family to make something of yourself.
5th grade popularity will be fleeting. Good times in 6th grade will bring you many foes. Be strong, don’t let them effect you. All those poems you poured you soul into? You’re gonna wish you hadn’t thrown them out. But don’t despair, all is not lost.
Enter 7th grade. Cherish everything this year brings you. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Listen to every possible cliché you hear because they are all true. And don’t forget Coach Fritts when you’re famous. You’ll meet a boy named Kevin. You won’t realize it but Kevin is all you’ll ever want. Mature and childish beyond his years, with a dry humor like you. He likes you, and in the future other boys won’t measure up. He steals all the notes Audrye writes to you because he sees something you don’t. You’re throwing away true best friends for a junior high throne. Remember the way he used to make fun of you and then look in your eyes? He’s going to move back to Ohio in the summer and you will pray that he thinks about you half as often as you do him. Let this be a lesson, don’t toy with the emotions of others. You’re going to miss him. Your friendship with Audrye ends tragically. It will mess you up. You will learn fairly quickly not to change your whole persona, but it is a lesson you will often forget. Savor every moment of this year, and forgive yourself quickly, because 8th grade will be your own personal hell.
Don’t get too attached to your mom’s new boyfriend, because she’s not going to let him stick around. However this year will teach you to love the family you do have. Every class is going to feel like people are mocking you. Years later you’ll figure out it was your imagination. You will shake as you walk from class to class, with your head down. They’re not all staring at you. This will all pass, every panic attack alone, on grimy bathroom floors, soothed. This is the year you will dive deep into the music world, in which you will find the one thing you love that will never leave you. This year marks your first concert ever. Young Love, Say Anything and Hellogoodbye. Even the band names speak volumes about your life.
Be aware, your days as a freshman at Friendswood are numbered. Enjoy the time you have with Adri and Alex and get to know Seaver. Hurricane Ike picks you up and drops you smack in the middle of Clear Brook High School. It was too be expected, don’t tear yourself up. You’re going to start making bad choices, and you will learn many lessons. You don’t know what they mean yet but you will figure it out. As your grades slip, and you start to feel more and more inadequate, so you strive to be perfect in other ways. Being extremely sweet and privately battling the urge to purge become the new you. The feeling that they are all talking about you returns. Maybe this time they are, but that doesn’t matter. Your nephew Mason Dennis Poskey is born. He is not the healing element in the family as you hoped, but one more reason to fight. Anyways he is a beautiful little boy and will not stay little for long. Remember what being a child was like for his sake.
Brook gives you social opportunities you would have never found at Friendswood. Second semester you will find yourself in the middle of a Speech Class full of Juniors and Seniors that never would have guessed you were a day younger than 17. You will embarrass yourself, but redeem yourself very quickly. The people that adore you are more than willing to forget. When you go to graduation with your best friend Kaylee to see her sister and secretly Kirk walk, brace yourself. Tonight is the first where you will cry over a guy. When you see Kirk afterwards you’ll hug, but you will be at a loss for words. The goodbye is slightly awkward, as if he knows everything, and you, nothing. As you walk away arm in arm with your bestie, she explains to you how his face lit up when he saw you. At that point you won’t care.
It will always seem like people don’t live up to your expectations, but this is not your fault. You are fragile but don't ever change yourself, except to grow and strengthen. There are a lot of things you will want to regret, but honesty will be your best friend through everything.
Don‘t let them stop you from rising above,
XXXX,
Tessa.
Not “Miss Mickey”, not “Meghan”, not “Tiger Lily”. Tessa. Don’t lie to yourself. You had to grow up way too fast and that’s not changing anytime soon. Its not very common that girls barely 11 years old contemplate suicide regularly. But keep telling yourself cutting is for failures, you’ll be the one in the family to make something of yourself.
5th grade popularity will be fleeting. Good times in 6th grade will bring you many foes. Be strong, don’t let them effect you. All those poems you poured you soul into? You’re gonna wish you hadn’t thrown them out. But don’t despair, all is not lost.
Enter 7th grade. Cherish everything this year brings you. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Listen to every possible cliché you hear because they are all true. And don’t forget Coach Fritts when you’re famous. You’ll meet a boy named Kevin. You won’t realize it but Kevin is all you’ll ever want. Mature and childish beyond his years, with a dry humor like you. He likes you, and in the future other boys won’t measure up. He steals all the notes Audrye writes to you because he sees something you don’t. You’re throwing away true best friends for a junior high throne. Remember the way he used to make fun of you and then look in your eyes? He’s going to move back to Ohio in the summer and you will pray that he thinks about you half as often as you do him. Let this be a lesson, don’t toy with the emotions of others. You’re going to miss him. Your friendship with Audrye ends tragically. It will mess you up. You will learn fairly quickly not to change your whole persona, but it is a lesson you will often forget. Savor every moment of this year, and forgive yourself quickly, because 8th grade will be your own personal hell.
Don’t get too attached to your mom’s new boyfriend, because she’s not going to let him stick around. However this year will teach you to love the family you do have. Every class is going to feel like people are mocking you. Years later you’ll figure out it was your imagination. You will shake as you walk from class to class, with your head down. They’re not all staring at you. This will all pass, every panic attack alone, on grimy bathroom floors, soothed. This is the year you will dive deep into the music world, in which you will find the one thing you love that will never leave you. This year marks your first concert ever. Young Love, Say Anything and Hellogoodbye. Even the band names speak volumes about your life.
Be aware, your days as a freshman at Friendswood are numbered. Enjoy the time you have with Adri and Alex and get to know Seaver. Hurricane Ike picks you up and drops you smack in the middle of Clear Brook High School. It was too be expected, don’t tear yourself up. You’re going to start making bad choices, and you will learn many lessons. You don’t know what they mean yet but you will figure it out. As your grades slip, and you start to feel more and more inadequate, so you strive to be perfect in other ways. Being extremely sweet and privately battling the urge to purge become the new you. The feeling that they are all talking about you returns. Maybe this time they are, but that doesn’t matter. Your nephew Mason Dennis Poskey is born. He is not the healing element in the family as you hoped, but one more reason to fight. Anyways he is a beautiful little boy and will not stay little for long. Remember what being a child was like for his sake.
Brook gives you social opportunities you would have never found at Friendswood. Second semester you will find yourself in the middle of a Speech Class full of Juniors and Seniors that never would have guessed you were a day younger than 17. You will embarrass yourself, but redeem yourself very quickly. The people that adore you are more than willing to forget. When you go to graduation with your best friend Kaylee to see her sister and secretly Kirk walk, brace yourself. Tonight is the first where you will cry over a guy. When you see Kirk afterwards you’ll hug, but you will be at a loss for words. The goodbye is slightly awkward, as if he knows everything, and you, nothing. As you walk away arm in arm with your bestie, she explains to you how his face lit up when he saw you. At that point you won’t care.
It will always seem like people don’t live up to your expectations, but this is not your fault. You are fragile but don't ever change yourself, except to grow and strengthen. There are a lot of things you will want to regret, but honesty will be your best friend through everything.
Don‘t let them stop you from rising above,
XXXX,
Tessa.