Rise Above This
Twenty-Second Letter
Dani,
Finding the words to begin this was difficult enough. You're going to be dropped into a completely strange and different world than the one you're used to. Things are going to change--you're going to change. Your move to Beaufort will be one you'll never forget, I can attest to that.
As all fairy tales start, you're going to meet a boy. He's going to be wonderful, and amazing and confusing. The whirl of emotions you're going to feel aren't bad, sweetheart. You'll get through them, come to understand what they all mean. You're going to fall in love with him--you won't realize this for months after, but you will eventually. You two are going to have hard times, much like any other couple. You'll fight over trivial things and even break up once or twice. His diagnosis didn't help, but the fact that you two come out of it together, that's a miracle.
The week before you leave--you'll know it when it comes, you will begin to think about what would happen if they let you stay, let you and Eddie have a possibility together. It's going to hurt when they say "No," and you're going to cry for hours. They'll come and collect you that the end of that week, and take you home.
It'll be rocky between you and Eddie for a while. A long while, in fact. You're going to yell, when it ends. Yeah, you. Didn't see that coming. You'll break up around March and it won't be the same again for a while. He won't understand how much it hurts for you to talk to him, and soon you won't talk at all. Not until a good six months later, perhaps more.
You'll mark each holiday-each birthday without him, wondering what it would have been like if you two were still together. You'll meet Chris, and start believing in hope again. But he has a girlfriend. Don't let that stop you from becoming close to him, Dani. He'll stand by you always, don't forget that. Even when it hurts so bad all you want to do is cry from heartbreak.
You'll start talking to Eddie out of the blue again come December. The one year mark of your first break up. You guys got back together again after that, for a few months at least. But not again. You won't get a second chance. And for that, I'm sorry. But believe that you're strong enough to get through it, that you'll rise above it.
Your grades will begin to drop, lower and lower until you can't even manage to scrape a B in your honors classes. You'll try harder and harder, stressing yourself out beyond a normal capacity. You're going to be frustrated. Math used to come so easily, but now it's like it is the hardest thing you've ever tried. You're going to mess up, and not be satisfied with yourself, or your body. That's another change you're going through. You'll never be that slender child again--you'll soon grow into your body. Hips, love handles, boobs. It'll be confusing and the random rushes of hormones won't help much, but you'll make a semi-truthful peace with your body. After all, he never cared. Not Eddie. He loves your body. He always will.
You'll talk tentatively, over Myspace and over the phone for a few weeks. You'll want to be clear about things--about your feelings and how you think things are going to turn out. You'll want to protect yourself from being hurt again. He'll respond quickly, anxious for you two to figure things out and possibly become a couple again. You'll be truly happy again for a few days. Blissfully happy, ignorant of any wrongdoings you've had towards others. It'll end, though. As they always do.
He'll text you randomly saying he can't give it another try, that it won't work. You'll be crushed. It'll hurt in places that have only felt dulled pain. It'll roar out in uncontrollable fits of suffering, regret and sadness. You won't be able to control it. You'll depend on your friends to get you through. It'll only last about a week--the real pain that is. It'll fade to a dull ache. I promise. It still hurts, when he calls and chats like nothing happened and you'll want to ignore him, ignore all the feelings.
You won't be able to. But you'll get through it. You'll learn to trust boys again. Although you'll never be able to forget him, you'll accept what happened and stop feeling guilty about it. You'll work harder in school, and you'll recognize those around you that are proud, and someday that'll be enough.
Much love always,
Dani.
Finding the words to begin this was difficult enough. You're going to be dropped into a completely strange and different world than the one you're used to. Things are going to change--you're going to change. Your move to Beaufort will be one you'll never forget, I can attest to that.
As all fairy tales start, you're going to meet a boy. He's going to be wonderful, and amazing and confusing. The whirl of emotions you're going to feel aren't bad, sweetheart. You'll get through them, come to understand what they all mean. You're going to fall in love with him--you won't realize this for months after, but you will eventually. You two are going to have hard times, much like any other couple. You'll fight over trivial things and even break up once or twice. His diagnosis didn't help, but the fact that you two come out of it together, that's a miracle.
The week before you leave--you'll know it when it comes, you will begin to think about what would happen if they let you stay, let you and Eddie have a possibility together. It's going to hurt when they say "No," and you're going to cry for hours. They'll come and collect you that the end of that week, and take you home.
It'll be rocky between you and Eddie for a while. A long while, in fact. You're going to yell, when it ends. Yeah, you. Didn't see that coming. You'll break up around March and it won't be the same again for a while. He won't understand how much it hurts for you to talk to him, and soon you won't talk at all. Not until a good six months later, perhaps more.
You'll mark each holiday-each birthday without him, wondering what it would have been like if you two were still together. You'll meet Chris, and start believing in hope again. But he has a girlfriend. Don't let that stop you from becoming close to him, Dani. He'll stand by you always, don't forget that. Even when it hurts so bad all you want to do is cry from heartbreak.
You'll start talking to Eddie out of the blue again come December. The one year mark of your first break up. You guys got back together again after that, for a few months at least. But not again. You won't get a second chance. And for that, I'm sorry. But believe that you're strong enough to get through it, that you'll rise above it.
Your grades will begin to drop, lower and lower until you can't even manage to scrape a B in your honors classes. You'll try harder and harder, stressing yourself out beyond a normal capacity. You're going to be frustrated. Math used to come so easily, but now it's like it is the hardest thing you've ever tried. You're going to mess up, and not be satisfied with yourself, or your body. That's another change you're going through. You'll never be that slender child again--you'll soon grow into your body. Hips, love handles, boobs. It'll be confusing and the random rushes of hormones won't help much, but you'll make a semi-truthful peace with your body. After all, he never cared. Not Eddie. He loves your body. He always will.
You'll talk tentatively, over Myspace and over the phone for a few weeks. You'll want to be clear about things--about your feelings and how you think things are going to turn out. You'll want to protect yourself from being hurt again. He'll respond quickly, anxious for you two to figure things out and possibly become a couple again. You'll be truly happy again for a few days. Blissfully happy, ignorant of any wrongdoings you've had towards others. It'll end, though. As they always do.
He'll text you randomly saying he can't give it another try, that it won't work. You'll be crushed. It'll hurt in places that have only felt dulled pain. It'll roar out in uncontrollable fits of suffering, regret and sadness. You won't be able to control it. You'll depend on your friends to get you through. It'll only last about a week--the real pain that is. It'll fade to a dull ache. I promise. It still hurts, when he calls and chats like nothing happened and you'll want to ignore him, ignore all the feelings.
You won't be able to. But you'll get through it. You'll learn to trust boys again. Although you'll never be able to forget him, you'll accept what happened and stop feeling guilty about it. You'll work harder in school, and you'll recognize those around you that are proud, and someday that'll be enough.
Much love always,
Dani.