Losing the Feeling of Feeling Unique

I stood there, outside the door frozen. My body refusing to move, I could feel warm, wet tears sliding down my cheeks. I didn’t even realise that I was crying. I was finally beginning to think that I was getting into a loving relationship and I find out that it’s all going to be ripped away from me.

Soon enough, the few tears that were leaving my eyes became waves of tears. I know I’d only known him for a short amount of time, but I was pretty sure I was in love with Jon. I turned away from the door, intending on leaving, when I heard it open behind me.

‘Ruby?’ Jon’s quiet voice asked.

‘Hey Jonny.’ I said as I sniffed.

‘Are you crying?’ he asked, suddenly sounding concerned.

‘No…’ I said, very unconvincingly. He wrapped his arms around my waist and turned me around.

‘Ruby, why are you crying?’ he asked, using his thumb to wipe away the last of the tears that escaped from my eyes.

‘Be-because you’re breaking up with me’ I said, a whole new batch of tears arriving.

‘Breaking up with you?!’ he asked astonished.

‘Yeah, I heard you say you’re leaving’

‘Yeah, we’re leaving, but to go home. I have no intentions of breaking up with you’ he softly kissed my lips.

‘How is this going to work, I mean me living here and you living in America?’

His face turned from one of concern to one of thought. ‘I’m not actually sure, but I’m sure we can work it out. Come inside’ he lead me into his room and we sat down on the sofa in the far corner of the room.

He put his arm around me shoulder, instinctively, I rested my head on his shoulder. Letting my eyes close briefly, I took in his now familiar scent and smiled.

‘I don’t want this to end’ I said feebly.

‘Neither do I Ruby in the sky with diamonds’ he said, using my nickname which referred to my favourite Beatles song.

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as lovers can

My phone was ringing, as I searched through my bag for it, my face reddened slightly as Jon chuckled to himself at my ringtone choice. I finally found my phone and answered it.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello Ruby, its Daniel, from work’

‘Oh, hey Dan’ I said, curious as to why my boss was calling me. ‘What do you need me for?’

‘Well, I’d like you to come to the office for a meeting ASAP please. It’s quite important.’ He voice full of authority.

‘Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Bye.’ I slid my phone closed, ending the call, then proceeding to stare at in confusion.

I walked down the street on the way back to Panic’s hotel, buzzing with excitement. Daniel had just given me some of the best news I’d ever heard. I continued down the very familiar route and quickly found my way back.

I walked through the marble lobby and went to the lift, a slight feeling of nervousness mixed with excitement setting in.

As I got to the door, Ryan was exiting his room.

‘No!’ I said, pointing back to his room, ‘go back in.’ a look of sheer confusion was on
evident on his face. I pushed him back into the room, I looked around to see Jon, Brendon and Spencer dotted around the room.

‘Guys’ I said trying to gain their attention. No one even flinched except Ryan, who was still looking at me, confused. ‘GUYS!’ I shouted, causing the three of them to snap their heads in my direction.

‘What is it babe?’ Jon asked me.

‘Well, as you know, I just went for a meeting with my boss Daniel. While I was there he told me about The Guardian’s ties with English magazine Kerrang. He also told me that they wanted someone to document the new Panic At The Disco North American tour, and that that someone happens to be me!’

‘No way!?’ Brendon said, a grin spreading across his face.

‘Yes way!’ I said, my grin now matching his.

‘This is awesome!’ Jon said, getting up and kissing me, also extracting a blush from me as I saw the other three guys looking at us with an aw-don’t-they-look-so-cute-together look.

As Jon and I parted, I ran over to Brendon and Spencer and hugged the two of them. I then ran over to Ryan and kissed him on the cheek before jumping into his arms and saying ‘Isn’t this awesome bro? Now we get to spend 3 months together!’ I said, ecstatic that I can spend so much time with one of my favourite people in the whole world.

‘I can’t wait Ruby!’ he said hugging me tightly.

Later that evening, the guys and I were watching a film, well Jon and I were watching a film seeing as Ryan, Brendon and Spencer had fallen asleep. As we sat there, my head rested on his chest, the steady beat of his heart almost acting like a lullaby. The tiredness getting the better of me caused a yawn to emit from my lips.

‘Are you tired, Ruby?’ he asked quietly, as not to wake his three sleeping bandmates.

‘Just a little yeah,’ I said, struggling to keep my eyes open. Out of nowhere, I felt two arms wrap around me, one under me knees and one supporting my neck.

Jon carried me bridal style into his and Spencer’s room, he walked over to the luxurious double bed and laid me down, wrapping the soft floral bed sheet around me. After a second or two, I felt the bed shift under weight and then I felt an arm drape over my wait.

‘Goodnight Ruby in the sky with diamonds’ I smiled at my boyfriend’s use of my now favourite nickname.

‘Goodnight Jonny boy, I can’t wait for this tour.’

‘I know, neither can I… ’ he said, seeming to hold something back. Silence quickly engulfed the room, only the ticking of the clock could be heard. ‘When we go to the US, would you, would you want to live with me in Chicago? The tour doesn’t start for a week once we get back, and don’t feel you have to, because you don’t ’ Jon said, rambling through his nervousness.

I cut him off by putting my finger to his lips, ‘of course. I’d love to move in with you’

You should’ve seen the grin on his face, I thought he might burst. He kissed me, it was full of passion, yet somehow held a lot of innocence. ‘You don’t have any idea how happy you’ve made me’

‘I think I might, because you’ve done the same thing for me,’ I pecked his lips.

‘Get some sleep hon,’ he said.

I let my eyes finally close, dreams of what the future could hold for Jon and I making me smile.