Losing the Feeling of Feeling Unique

The two guys who had joined us were standing still, mouths open, shock apparent in their not-so-subtle expressions.

The guy on the left had a beard and fairly long, brown hair. The guy to his right had faint stubble, deep, brown eyes and messy, brown hair. They were both attractive, but the one on the right interested me more, due to the flip-flops he was wearing, which seemed totally out of place in the dark, cold, London street.

I gave them an embarrassed smile, before sending a pleading look in Ryan’s direction. He got the hint and cleared his throat, removing attention from me.

‘Guys, this is Ruby,’ he gestured towards me and I nodded politely. ‘I guess she’s… my sister.’

‘Seriously?’ The guy on the left asked incredulously.

‘Yeah, Spencer, seriously.’ So he was ‘Spence’. Following this revelation, my incredible powers of deduction forced me to come to the conclusion that the only remaining anonymous man was ‘JWalk’.

As though I had voiced my thoughts, Spencer stepped forward, his hand outstretched. I shook it gladly, and smiled.

‘It’s nice to meet you,’ he said sincerely, though it still seemed like he was finding it difficult to accept that Ryan and I were brother and sister.

As Spencer stepped back, JWalk stepped forwards, and I began to move my hand forwards, to shake his. I stopped however, when I realised he was going to hug me instead.

He hugged me briefly before stepping away and kissing me on the cheek.

‘I’m Jon,’ he smiled; I couldn’t help but smile back.

We all stood in silence, and I took the opportunity to look around at everyone, as my eyes rested on Ryan, I was slightly concerned to see him giving Jon a look of anger and annoyance. It confused me, but as soon as Ryan noticed I was looking at him, his expression softened.

He took his attention off Jon, who looked unconcerned by Ryan’s behaviour, and gave me a huge hug, picking me up and spinning me around for as long as his frail body would allow.

Had any other stranger given me such an enormous hug, I would have been uncomfortable, but the hug instantly told me that I’d unwittingly been missing something important for the past 22 years. My brother. I gripped onto his shoulders and pulled him closer, as tears of pure happiness threatened to overwhelm me.

For the precious few seconds where I was clinging onto him it was like everything else disappeared. But he stepped away and cleared his throat awkwardly.

‘Listen, I kind of have to go and sign some stuff for the fans y’know?’

‘Yeah, yeah, of course!’ I grinned with pride; my brother was famous.

‘Why don’t you go backstage? I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.’

I nodded and walked towards the black door that the boys had originally come out of, attempting to block out the glares I was receiving from practically all the teenage girls who were congregated by the door eagerly awaiting autographs.

Consulting a few people on where would be best to wait for Ryan, I was soon directed to another black door, this one emblazoned with ‘Panic at the Disco – Dressing Room’. I cautiously pushed open the door and walked inside, almost immediately sinking onto the nearest sofa.

I took my time to survey the room, there were various items of clothing and food scattered about, along with some playing cards. I smiled to myself at the boys’ normality, and my smile widened further as I considered the implications of my discovery.

I had a brother. Not just a brother, a twin brother. I’d always envied people with siblings, brothers and sisters that they could share things with, fight with, tell secrets to. Now I’d got someone.

- - - - -

Fifteen minutes later, Ryan arrived, looking slightly flustered.

‘Sorry I took so long! Somehow a girl managed to get one of Jon’s flip-flops, and everyone started fighting over it, it got kind of chaotic.’

He chuckled to himself at the memory, and sank into the seat beside me.

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, but when I looked over at him, he was staring at me.

‘What?’ I asked, slightly alarmed.

‘Nothing!’ he said, blushing. ‘It’s just, so weird, it’s practically like looking in a mirror, except y’know, you’re a girl…’

I laughed, and we sank back into contented silence.

‘So…’ he said. ‘Tell me everything. I’ve got 22 years of your life to catch up on!’

‘Well, as far as I can remember, I’ve lived in London in my mum, I mean, our mum, wow, this is going to be confusing…’

We sat and talked for about an hour, filling each other in on as much information about our lives as we could think of, until we were interrupted by Brendon, Jon and Spencer.

‘They were my favourite pair of flip-flops!’

‘Jon, you’ve got about a billion pairs! Get over it already!’ cried Spencer.

I giggled at Jon’s attempt at a pout.

‘How did she even get your flip-flop in the first place?’ I asked, once the giggles had subsided and everyone had sat down.

‘To be honest, I’ve got no idea. One minute it was there, the next it was gone!’ We all laughed his stupidity.

- - - - -

Having spent about three hours with Ryan, Jon, Brendon and Spencer, I decided it was late enough, and declared I was going to leave.

Ryan said he’d walk me out, so I said goodbye to the other three and we backtracked my walk to their dressing room.

‘Well, I’ve had such a nice time, I can’t tell you how incredible it is to have a brother!’ I said enthusiastically, kissing Ryan on the cheek.

‘It probably isn’t half as awesome as having a sister.’ I beamed and gave him one final hug before turning to leave.

‘Wait!’ I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him, raising my eyebrows questioningly. ‘When will I see you again? I don’t want to lose you, a few hours doesn’t quite compensate for 22 years.’

I smiled and blushed at how cute he was being, and thought for a moment.

‘Well, I’ve got work tomorrow morning, but I can finish about half 1. I don’t suppose you want to go for lunch?’

‘That would be great, where shall I meet you?’

‘Give me your number and I’ll ring you in the morning.’

‘Ok.’ As I handed him my phone so he could key his number in, and then doing the same to his phone.

I gave him one final hug goodbye, and then walked home, grinning all the way