Losing the Feeling of Feeling Unique

We sat awkwardly in the hospital, waiting for a doctor to come and tell me what was actually wrong with my ankle. The stabbing pain I had initially felt had subsided, making way for a dull ache.

As people rushed past and filtered in and out of the hospital I sat on my plastic seat, gnawing away at my lip. Ryan was only centimetres away from me, but he may as well have been miles away.

He was beating himself up, not physically, but mentally. I could see it in his eyes every time I turned to look at him.

I reached out slowly to grab his hand, wrapping mine around his and giving him a comforting smile as his gaze met mine.

‘I’m sorry, Ruby,’ he whispered, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me closer so my head was leaning on his shoulder.

‘Please don’t say that, Ry. It’s not your fault, and it never will be. I should’ve listened to you when you said we shouldn’t go.’

He didn’t answer. I could tell he still thought it was his fault, but I decided not to push it any further, I was content to sit with him.

We sat in silence for about ten minutes, letting the world pass us by, only interrupted when Jon burst through the automatic doors into the waiting room.

‘RUBY! Oh my God! Are you okay? What happened? Is it broken? Jesus Christ, are you sure you’re ok? Seriously, Ruby, when Ryan said you’d been in an accident I thought I was going to die, I mean-’

‘Jon! Calm down! I’m fine…I’ve got to wait for some x-rays but the doctor reckons it’s just a bad twist,’ I explained, trying to calm him down.

He took a few deep breaths and smiled, leaning down to kiss my forehead before turning to look at Ryan, who had said nothing and was staring at the opposite wall as though he was trying to burn a hole in it.

He gave me a questioning look, I shook my head, too exhausted to tell him the whole story now, so he turned back to Ryan, waving his hand in front of his face to attract his attention.

‘Dude, you okay?’

Ryan looked up, blinking a few times as though he didn’t even notice Jon had arrived.

‘Yeah, I’m good…when did you get here?’

‘5 minutes ago?’

‘Oh.’

He turned away from Jon, his eyebrows knitted together in thought, taking us both off guard when he stood up.

‘Where are you going?’ I asked, concerned by his sudden movement.

‘Nowhere…Jon, you stay here with Ruby, I’ll only be a while,’ he seemed oddly zoned out, as though he wasn’t really paying attention to us, it was like he was on autopilot or something.

He didn’t say anything else, just walked out of the waiting room into the car park, leaving Jon and I to gawp after him.

‘Where’s he-?’

‘SHIT!’ I cried, suddenly realising where he was going. ‘RYAN!’ I stood up, prepared to run after him but fell to the ground in pain as my ankle gave way due to the sudden impact with the floor.

‘Fuck, Ruby, what are you doing?’ Jon exclaimed, gripping me under my arms and helping me back into my chair.

‘Jon, you’ve got to stop him…I think he’s going back to Dad’s.’ I watched as realisation suddenly hit him and he ran from the doors.

As soon as he disappeared from view I shut my eyes, attempting to block out all the horrible ideas that were running through my head.

I hated the idea of Ryan going back to Dad’s…the idea of Jon going after him.

I felt a tear slip down my cheek…maybe I was being melodramatic, but I wasn’t prepared for either of them to get into trouble.

‘Excuse me…miss?’ I opened my eyes to find a young doctor peering at me anxiously through the lens of his glasses.

‘Sorry…’ I muttered, wiping my eyes quickly. ‘Have you got the x-rays?’

He nodded, looking briefly at his clipboard and then looking back to me, a small smile on his face.

‘Your ankle’s fine…it was, like I suspected, just a bad twist. You’ll be fine, just try to rest it as much as possible until it feels better.’

I nodded, thanking him quietly and standing up slowly, getting used to the pressure of my ankle, before walking into the parking lot and looking around desperately for Jon and Ryan.

Trying not to panic when either of them came into view, I sunk down onto a bench and waited.

- - -

Jon’s POV

‘Jon, you’ve got to stop him…I think he’s going back to Dad’s.’

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Without another word to Ruby, I took off after him, unprepared to let him do something I knew he’d regret.

Luckily, I found him by his car. In his haste to leave he was being clumsy with the keys. Each time he jabbed at the lock and missed he cursed and slammed the top of the car with his hand.

‘Hey! Ryan…you need to chill, mate.’

He looked up, and the anger in his eyes quickly dissipated. He almost looked like a little boy.

‘I just…I can’t deal with it…everything that he did…all those years I put up with all that shit from him…and then he goes and threatens Ruby? I knew I shouldn’t have taken her there…it’s all my fault.’

He sank down to the ground, leaning against the car door hopelessly. I walked over and sat next to him.

‘Seriously, think of how angry Ruby would’ve been if you’d denied her the chance to see her dad. At least she found out for herself. There’s no point you blaming yourself for your dad’s mistakes, you are one of the most honest, decent guys there is…do not let your dad ruin that, and don’t let that ruin what you’ve got with Ruby.’

I paused for a second, trying to think of anything else I could say to make him see sense.

He sighed, leaning his head back and squinting into the sun for a second.

‘You’re right…’

‘Me? Right? But of course!’ I cried, smiling.

‘Thanks, Jon.’

‘Anytime, man.’

We sank back into a comfortable silence for a while, until the sun glinted off my watch. Instinctively, I tilted it so I could see the time and swore under my breath; Ryan gave me a questioning look.

‘We need to go and find Ruby…she’s probably going insane with worry,’ he nodded and we stood up, walking back to the hospital entrance.

- - -

Ruby’s POV

‘Where the HELL have you been?!’ I cried as soon as they dawdled back into view, standing up and immediately wincing at the pain that shot through my ankle.

Jon ran over and wrapped his arm around me to hold me up and we started walking back to the cars.

‘Is he ok?’ I asked Jon anxiously, looking over his shoulder to Ryan who was walking slowly, looking at his feet.

‘Yeah, he’ll be fine, we just need to convince him you’re fine,’ he chuckled, kissing me on the cheek.

‘But I am fine,’ I protested.

‘Yeah, you try telling me that as soon as I let go of you and you have to walk on your own.’ I gasped.

‘You wouldn’t do that would you?’ I asked, feigning horror.

‘Not a chance. Not a chance in the world. I’m never letting you go.’