Losing the Feeling of Feeling Unique

Our departure from Las Vegas neared, and Jon, Brendon, Spencer and I sat in the front lounge of the bus. I shuffled in my place and leaned my head on Jon’s shoulder, no one felt the need to talk and we sat in silence. Until a pop-filled melody rung throughout the air and I looked around trying to seek the source of the noise.

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

I giggled at Brendon’s choice of ringtone as he fumbled around, trying to get the hands into the pockets of his almost skin tight jeans.

‘Oh hey Pete,’ he said into the ridiculously old receiver.

After a fairly long conversation, Brendon shoved the phone back into his pocket (with a great deal of hassle, I might add) before turning to the three of us, a cheesy grin plastered onto his handsome face.

‘We’ve been booked to do another Decaydance Fest,’ he grinned.

‘Ooh, where?’ Spencer asked, practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. He looked so adorable, I just wanted to go and squeeze his cheeks in the way only an annoying auntie can.

‘London,’ his smile, if possible, stretched even wider, which made me wonder why he was so happy about it. ‘It’s in two weeks.’

I looked up at Jon and smiled, ‘this would be the perfect chance for you to meet my mum.’

His smile soon matched my own and he said, ‘I’d love to,’ he leaned down then chastely kissed me on the lips as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

As I sat there in Jon’s loving embrace, I began to think about all the things I must’ve missed in London. I pretty much just up and left, not much warning or anything.

All of the thinking made me suddenly homesick, I missed my mum, I missed my flat, I missed the familiarity of the streets of my favourite city. I didn’t even realise, but slowly, tears were streaking down my cheeks.

‘What’s wrong Ruby?’ Jon asked, wiping away the salty droplets that slowly stained the pale skin of my cheeks.

‘I miss London,’ I sobbed.

He pulled me onto his lap and hugged me tightly, his strong arms, encircling my small waist.

‘It’s okay,’ he soothed as he absentmindedly stroked my hair.

‘I’m just being silly,’ I insisted, wiping away the tears and pulling away slightly, missing the warmth that his closeness gave me.

‘It’s not silly, it’s totally understandable, you haven’t been home for god knows how long-’ I cut him off by saying,

‘No, not home - but just London, my home is in Chicago, with you.’ I kissed the tip of his nose before getting up and walking into the bunk area, only looking back to see the loving smile that adorned his face.

I lay in my bunk, before letting my fatigue encapsulate me and drag me into a world of semi-consciousness.

‘Ruby, Ruby,’ I was softly being shaken. I reluctantly opened my eyes to see a very awake Spencer staring down at me.

‘Yep Spence, what is it?’ I questioned, sitting up, but being careful not to bang my head.

‘We’re just about to go and play, you coming to watch?’ he suggested, his smile making me involuntarily do the same.

‘Yeah, of course.’ I jumped up and slipped on some black pumps and grabbing an electric blue cardigan. I followed Spencer out to the backstage area of The Pearl. The slight chill of the wind caused me to put on the cardigan on the short walk over.

‘Hey babe,’ Jon said, kissing me passionately on the lips.

Zack, always being one for timing, came over right at that moment and yelled, ‘Guys. Stage. Now!’ He shoved Jon’s bass in his hands and pushed him the direction of the stage. The other three members all passed me and I gave them all a hug before they descended upon the intimate stage. I blew Jon a kiss and settled in to watch the show.

‘Thank you Vegas, we love you!’ Brendon screamed into the mic before making his way off stage.

‘We hope to see you soon.’ Jon added into Ryan’s microphone and he too made his way to the backstage area.

‘Great show guys,’ I grinned, ‘it was awesome!’ Ryan put his arm around my shoulders in a brotherly way and kissed the top of my head.

‘Thanks Ruby,’ he whispered.

‘FIRST SHOWER!’ Brendon screeched. Drawing groans from the three other guys.

‘Dammit, that sneaky bastard always does that!’ Spencer chuckled.

Two hours later and fours clean young men later, we were at the hotel we were staying in for the night.

Jon and I snuggled up together on the queen sized bed that was placed against the west wall of the room.

Remote in hand, Jon asked me ‘What do you want to watch?’

‘I’m not too bothered Jonny,’ I honestly answered, leaning my head on his chest.

He flicked through the channels, barely stopping long enough to see what was on. The one channel he stopped on was Fuse and That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed) just happened to be playing.

‘Oh god,’ he said before moving to turn the channel.

‘No!’ I called before wrestling him for the remote, tickling his sides made him drop the remote to the bed. The plastic’s clatter muffled by the deep blue bed sheets. Just as I looked up, I saw my favourite part of the video – when Jon fell off the bike.

I giggled openly as I straddled my boyfriend’s waist, stopping him from moving.

‘Aw, Jonny can’t ride a bike,’ I teased, stroking his stubbly cheek.

‘I can too,’ he pouted like a small child, ‘it was hard.’ He reasoned.

‘I believe you,’ I leaned down to kiss his forehead, when we heard a knock at the door.

‘I’ll get it.’ Jon said, struggling to get out from under me.

While he went to answer the door, I went into the bathroom to remove my make-up and to wash my face.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I found a face wipe and began rubbing the wipe over the smooth skin of my face.

Fresh faced, I decided to go and change into my pyjamas. I walked back into the main area of the room, and I saw Jon hugging someone by the door. I heard sniffing, so I was instantly curious, I purposely went over there and quietly spoke to Jon.

‘What’s up?’ he turned around to face me, as did Ryan.

‘Ry? What’s wrong?’

He looked at me for a second with his tear-filled eyes before simply saying.

‘Dad’s dead.’