Losing the Feeling of Feeling Unique

Getting back to normalcy after the funeral was surprisingly a lot easier than I thought it would be. With the upcoming Decaydance Fest in London, the guys were all anxious and excited to put the pain behind them and get back to what they do best – performing for their fans.

Three days before the guys were due to leave for London, they were holed up in their practise space. Getting used to playing together after a short hiatus.

I watched them as they performed their warm-up song, Stay Together For The Kids by Blink 182. Listening to the lyrics of this song combined with Brendon’s soulful voice brought back the memories of my father. Although there were only very few of them, the lyrics made them play out again, as vividly as they day they happened. They were the few recent memories that
I wanted to forget, yet I knew they’d never fade.

I tried to hide my feelings, but it was too much. A few salty tears streaked down my cheeks. Contrary to how I expected to feel while crying, I felt as though a weight was being lifted off of my shoulders. I was finally coming to terms with everything that happened. Jon looked over at me sadly, his eyes conveyed such a message of sadness that I knew I needed to be stronger; I had more important things in my life to dwell on, such as my amazing boyfriend and awesome brother.

The tears stopped, I composed myself and the boys were deciding on a set list.

‘After we play We’re So Starving and Nine In The Afternoon I think we should play Esteban.’ Brendon suggested, airing his opinion to his fellow band mates.

‘I think we should follow with Pas De Cheval,’ Ryan added.

‘How about this,’ Spencer added, ‘we follow with Build God?’

‘Well, we could do that, but then again we could follow with my first choice of Esteban.’ Brendon argued a cheeky smile plastered on his face.

This carried on for about 20 minutes until they had finally agreed on a 12 song set list. This was it;

We’re So Starving
Nine In The Afternoon
Camisado
I Constantly Thank God For Esteban
Behind The Sea
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
I Write Sins Not Tragedies
That Green Gentleman
Time To Dance
But It’s Better If You Do
Northern Downpour
Mad As Rabbits

In my humble opinion I thought it was a great set list, and I was sure it would get the English fans going. It was a shame that they’d only have a really short set, but then again it would be one of the few times they got to hang out with their friends and that they could watch each other perform.

Watching them practise was an experience in itself; they worked so well as a band.

Everything flowed so well, if you were just a passerby, you'd never guess that the band was only a few years old and that the guys were barely into their 20s. Their music, their style and their maturity was way beyond their years.

They ran through the set list twice and I could tell their show was going to be very tight.

Back at home two days later, Jon and I were packing in preparation for our trip to the UK.

‘Ruby, we’re going for 1 week, why do you need four suitcases?!’ Jon asked looking from the four cases I’d filled to the brim to the one moderately sized suitcase he’d packed for himself.

‘This is nothing,’ I said as I fought with the zipper on the fourth suitcase ‘for me, this is packing lightly.’ I grinned at him, as he stared at me in disbelief. His eyes surveyed the scene and then fell on me, he was trying to work out whether I was joking or not.

‘Are you serious?’ he asked.

‘Yup,’ I nodded in all seriousness. With one final pull, I got the suitcases closed, but I pulled with such a force that I lost my grip on the zip and fell to the floor.

Jon chuckled as he walked over to me, before putting his hands on my waist and picking me up. He held me up and I tangled my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist and stared into his eyes. ‘What are we going to do with you?’ he smiled lightly, still staring deep into my eyes.

I couldn’t help but be enthralled by the way the sunlight reflected off his brown eyes, causing to almost glitter. It was like he was something out of a fairytale, something that was only real in fiction. He was too good to be true. He was mine, and I didn’t have a clue what I’d done to deserve him.

I placed my lips on his and kissed him tenderly, at that moment I felt like the luckiest person alive.

Later that evening, I was searching around for my iPhone so I could phone my mother and let her know what was happening.

I’d been really close with my mum, but before I left England we began to drift apart. We still kept in touch and spoke to each other on a regular basis, but we weren’t like we used to be, I hadn’t told her about Jon or Ryan yet, I just couldn’t find the right way to tell her. She knew I’d moved to the US, but I told her that it was because of my job and nothing else, which isn’t entirely untrue. But it upset me that we didn’t have that closeness that I once relied upon, and

I hoped that letting her in on such a big part of life could bring us closer once again.

I finally found my phone underneath a pile of Jon’s music magazines, I punched in the well-memorized number and waited as it rang.

‘Hello?’ my mum’s comforting voice sounded.

‘Hey, mum, it’s Ruby.’

‘Ruby! How’ve you been honey?’ she asked, sounding delighted that I called.

‘I’m fine thanks mum, I just wanted to let you know that I’m coming home for a bit, my flight’s
tomorrow afternoon,’ I informed her.

‘Really? What’s the occasion?’

‘Work, but I don’t actually have that much work to do while I’m there, so I’ll have a lot of free time. Also, I have some people I want you to meet,’ I grinned as I told her.

‘People…do you mean a boyfriend?’ I could hear the motherly smile in her voice.

‘Um, maybe…’ I giggled.

‘Oh well, then I can’t wait, honey. Listen, I have to go, I have a yoga class to go to.’ My mum had a bad back and the doctor recommended yoga and she went once and it helped her so much, she didn’t stop.

‘Alrighty then, speak to you soon. Love you.’

‘Love you too Ruby, bye.’

I put the phone down, and sat down on the sofa next to Jon and watched some old re-runs of Friends.

‘American Airlines Flight 264 to London Heathrow: now boarding at gate 20.’ The feminine voice sounded from the speaker at O’Hare airport. Ryan and Brendon were coming from L.A whereas Spencer was coming from Vegas, so we all agreed to meet up in London at the airport as our flights all landed within an hour of one another.

Jon and I quickly finished our coffees and grabbed our carry-ons before power walking to gate 20.

To our pleasant surprise the label had bought us First Class seats. It was an experience for me; I’d never flown in First Class before. Looking around at the large, spacious seats, I could easily have gotten used to it.

Settling down in my window seat next to Jon, I closed my eyes for take-off. I wasn’t the best flyer, and I thought taking off was the worst part.

I slipped into a deep sleep, I found myself on a cold London street. Looking around, I took in my surroundings, which looked oddly familiar.

I looked up and saw Jon and Spencer staring at me, I wondered why until I heard Ryan speak.

‘Guys, this is Ruby,’ he gestured towards me and I nodded politely. ‘I guess she’s… my sister.’

I looked over at Jon, even though I knew his name, it felt like I didn’t know him at all.

The guy on the left had a beard and fairly long, brown hair. The guy to his right had faint stubble, deep, brown eyes and messy, brown hair. They were both attractive, but the one on the right interested me more, due to the flip-flops he was wearing, which seemed totally out of place in the dark, cold, London street.

I was shaken awake; I opened my eyes and took a second to adjust to my surroundings. For a second, I hadn’t a clue where I was, but then I turned to my right and saw Jon staring back at me.

Suddenly my dream all came back to me and I couldn’t help but smile.

The captain came over the intercom ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to land at London, Heathrow. The time is 11am and it is 12 degrees outside. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for flying with us and we hope to see you again soon.’