Losing the Feeling of Feeling Unique

As soon as 12:29 became 12:30 on the digital clock in the hotel room, I left, kissing Jon swiftly on the lips as he promised to meet us at the restaurant at about 3 ‘o’ clock.

I pushed the button at the end of the hallway, calling the lift, anxiously pacing past the lift doors as I waited for it to make its ascent from the lobby. I was gradually getting more and more nervous, and soon realised I couldn’t cope with waiting, so I ran down the stairs instead, my gladiator sandals slapping harshly against each step, sending echoes up and down the stairwell.

Ryan was sitting patiently in a leather armchair when I finally reached the lobby, flicking vaguely through a music magazine. He was wearing a pair of navy skinnies with a white v-neck and brown blazer, looking almost as nervous as I felt.

‘Hey, Ry,’ I murmured awkwardly as I approached him, pulling my bag further up my shoulder. ‘You ready to do this?’

He looked up from the magazine, tossing it back onto the table in front of him and standing up.

‘As ready as I’ll ever be,’ he admitted, before laughing slightly. ‘In other words, not at all.’ I smiled, hugging him quickly before grabbing his hand and pulling him from the hotel.

‘Jon’s coming later then?’ he asked, breaking the silence as we walked down the busy London street.

‘Yeah, I thought it’d be cruel to spring a son and a boyfriend on mum at the same time,’ I replied, smiling at him reassuringly. He put his arm around me and we walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. I sensed he was doing the same thing as I was – planning the start of the conversation.

The restaurant I was taking him to was a modern place, and the place I almost always met up with my mum in for lunch. We arrived slightly before 1, following the waiter through the restaurant to our table for three. We politely accepted our menus, and Ryan began folding and unfolding his napkin anxiously, whilst my eyes remained fixed on the door, awaiting my mother’s arrival.

All too soon I caught sight of my mum’s favourite red coat and nudged Ryan.

‘She’s here,’ I whispered.

‘Oh god,’ he murmured back looking at the table.

‘Ruby!’ she shouted happily as she finally reached our table. ‘Darling, how are you?’

‘Mum!’ I cried, getting up and hugging her, ignoring her question. ‘Sit down, I’ve got something I need to-‘

‘Who’s this?’ she asked, indicating politely to Ryan, who was looking at the table pointedly.

‘Mum, this is –‘

‘Oh my,’ she interrupted once again, staring at him in a mix of shock and bewilderment as he raised his face to look at her properly for the first time. ‘George?!’ she asked incredulously. It didn’t surprise me that she noticed so quickly, she always had been a strangely observant woman, and the resemblance between Ryan and I was undeniable.

‘Hi, Mom,’ he answered meekly, raising his hand in a gesture of greeting before standing up awkwardly.

They stared at each other for a while, and I decided not to say anything, not wanting to interrupt the reunion. I walked over to the bar, ordering two glasses of white wine and a beer, before walking back to the table, stopping short when I realised that mum had dissolved into tears, and Ryan had his arms around her, patting her hesitantly on the back, looking pleadingly over her shoulder at me. I dashed forward, pulling mum back gently and telling her to sit down, while she dabbed at her eyes with a napkin and Ryan rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Ryan and I sat in silence, gently sipping at our drinks when they came and patiently waiting for Mum to compose herself, which, eventually, she did.

‘I don’t understand…how did you…when?’

‘Well, about…a month or so ago, I went to a gig in Camden and well, met Ryan, everyone calls him Ryan, not George. We just sort of worked it out. He’s in a band, Mum, and he’s really good,’ I explained. ‘I’m actually working with the band at the moment…that’s why I’m living in Chicago,’ I summarized, deciding to leave Jon out of the equation for a while. Mum listened quietly, before turning to Ryan.

‘You’re in a band? That’s wonderful, dear,’ her voice was laced with pride, and he smiled back. ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ she asked, turning back to me.

‘I-I-I, I don’t know…it all happened kind of quick,’ I answered quickly, stumbling over my words.

‘You’ve got an American accent,’ she commented, once again turning to look at Ryan, he seemed taken off guard slightly by the rapidity with which she was changing the subject.

‘Err…yeah. I grew up in Las Vegas,’ he answered, and looked up when mum made a small noise that sounded something like ‘tsk’ under her breath.

‘Your dad would have thought Las Vegas was an appropriate place for a child,’ she retorted disapprovingly. ‘He always was a –‘

‘Mum!’ I interrupted, determined to cut her off before she said something she’d regret.

‘What?’

‘He’s dead…’ I mumbled, glancing sadly at Ryan.

‘Dead?’ she asked, shocked. ‘Oh Ryan, dear, I’m so sorry, when did it happen?’

‘Not too long ago,’ his voice was emotionless.

‘How?’

‘Essentially, he drank himself to death,’ his tone had a sense of finality to it, as though he wasn’t prepared to talk about it anymore, and I couldn’t help but agree with him. I placed a hand over his, smiling at him sympathetically.

‘Oh, Ryan, I’m so, so sorry,’ mum whispered.

‘It’s ok, really. I’ve got Ruby,’ he said, smiling as he spoke. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pride at how strong he was, and how lucky I was to have him.

Mum felt silent momentarily, so I seized the opportunity to change the subject and started telling her about the band and my new assignment for work. Ryan was more willing to talk about this, and the awkwardness quickly evaporated, for which I was thankful.

After that, time passed quickly. We all ordered lunch and the waiter had just cleared the plates when I noticed the door to the restaurant open. I smiled as Jon walked in and asked the waiter something, my grin getting wider when I saw the waiter point in our direction and Jon looked over.

I got up, swiftly walking over to hug him and pulled him over to our table.

Mum looked up, shocked to see that someone else had joined the party, and Ryan smiled from the other side of the table.

‘Mum, this is Jon,’ I explained.

‘Jon?’ she repeated vaguely, looking between Ryan and I. ‘Ohhh, Jon! You’re in the band with Ryan?’

‘I am indeed,’ he said proudly, shaking her hand. He looked at me, as though questioning whether to say anything else.

‘Mum…Jon’s my boyfriend,’ I explained. As if on cue, Jon wrapped his arm around me and I rested my head against him, as though to emphasise the fact. We both gazed expectantly at my mother, who seemed at a loss for words.

‘Wow,’ she uttered, before looking directly at me and smiling. ‘You certainly have been up to a lot haven’t you?’

I smiled back embarrassed, nodding.

‘Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Jon,’ she told him, nodding in approval. ‘Please, do sit down, we were just about to order coffee.’

- - -

‘Bloody hell,’ I sighed, falling back onto the hotel bed.

‘I know,’ Jon replied, mimicking my actions and falling down beside me.

‘I think that went well,’ I reflected, rolling onto my side and leaning on my elbow, facing Jon.

‘Well…your mum didn’t hate me. Or Ryan, and Ryan didn’t hate her, so yes, I’d say it was might successful,’ he smiled, rolling onto his side to face me too.

‘At least it’s over now, I don’t think I could take doing that again,’ I laughed out loud with relief.

‘You coped brilliantly,’ he told me, leaning forward and placing his lips over mine. We were just getting into the kiss when my phone began ringing from inside my bag. I pulled away from him, breathing heavily and resting my forehead against his.

‘Leave it,’ he whispered, kissing my neck delicately. I almost succumbed, but pulled away once again when it rang a second time.

‘I can’t, I’ll feel guilty if I ignore it.’ I pushed myself off the bed and reached into my bed, finding my phone quickly and pressing answer.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey, Rubyyyyyy,’ Paige’s uncontrollably happy voice chimed in my ear. ‘I didn’t interrupt anything did I?’

‘No, you didn’t interrupt anything,’ looking at Jon, who pouted at me, ducking when I tossed a pillow at his head. ‘What’s up?’

‘Well, I know I said we’d meet up for dinner this week, but there’s a club opening tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to meet up there instead! Dancing and alcohol beats sit down dinners anyday!’ she cried excitedly, and I smiled, unable to ignore her infectious happiness.

‘Hold on a second,’ I told her, pulling the phone away from my ear to look at Jon. ‘Fancy going to a club tonight?’ I asked him.

‘Yeah, sounds good,’ he jumped up off the bed, smiling.

‘Okay, ring the others and ask them if they want to come to,’ I told him, smiling at the fact that this was the second time that day he was making phone calls for me.

‘Paige?’ I asked, getting back her attention. ‘We’d love to come!’

‘Yay!’ she cried. ‘Shall Jacob and I meet you at the hotel about 8 ‘o’ clock? The club isn’t far from your hotel, we can walk?’ she suggested.

‘Sounds great! See you later, hon!’ I hung up the phone, bouncing up and down on my heels excitedly.

I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Jon to finish his calls, unable to stop myself from thinking that that day had definitely gone better than planned. Everything is finally slotting into place, I thought, smiling.