Why Gerard?

I sat in the tour bus waiting, impatiently I sat there, my boyfriend was due back any second, I don’t know where he wondered of too, we had an argument, he stomed out, I sat behind waiting for his return.

The other guys where out for the evening clubbing, Gerard and I didn’t go, we were going too have a night in, until we got on to the touchy subject too his drinking problem, and he stormed out, I’m guessing he’s probably gone too a club, he will come back…

Two giggles, one familiar the other not familiar at all, brought me from my thoughts, I listened carefully, I knew it was Gerard.

I quickly, spur of the moment, ran too the back of the tour bus and hid in rays bunk, the giggles and laughter came closer through the door of the tour bus.

I poked my head through the door of the bunk room, hiding, there was Gerard, drunk, with his arm over a blonde slut. I threw my hand over my mouth to stop myself gasping, my heart instantly broke.

I watched as they stumbled through the tour bus giggling, they reached the room where me and Gerard sleep, Gerard stopped a moment and glanced around.

“Frank” he shouted, I stayed silent

“Frank you in here?” he asked

I ignored his calls.

He smirked and looked back at the slut, they both giggled as he pulled her intohis our bunk, I watched as tears stung my eyes, my eyes swelling up, tears stinging them.

I slowly crept too the room they where in, I stuck my head round too watch there actions, clothes where already spread around the room, there drunken giggles filling the air, my silent tears stinging my face as I watched the horrific sight I never wanted too see.

They were both at it like rabbits, right in front of my eyes.

The man I love, the man who I am in a loving relationship with, cheating on me, right in front of my eyes’.

I slid down the door frame, them still in view of me, but I wasn’t in their view, I hugged my knee’s too my chest, silent sobs escaping my throat, as I watched them fall asleep in each others arms.

I watched him sleep for hours, hugging her closely too his chest, I looked towards a bag, I remembered its Gerard’s bag, I pulled it closer too me, and rooted through it, I found a razor blade.

I took the razor blade and rolled my sleeves up, I placed the razor blade on my arm and pressed down firmly scraping it against my skin, the warm liquid soon escaped the grazes’ on my arm, the salty red liquid ran down my arm like a small waterfall, I watched it, watched until it stopped, I dropped the razor and stared at my arm.

I sat there staring at him, a new set of tears rolling down my eyes, I heard the others in the background, they all crashed out on the sofa’s, oblivious too me here, in the door frame of what was once mine and Gerard’s room, now there lie’s him and his whore.

I sat there all night staring at him, not taking my eyes of him, only too blink, the time past slowly, but I didn’t care, I was now broken, I noticed the light of the room getting brighter through the corner of my vision, still watching him, she woke first, rubbing her head, and looking over at him, she smirked then stood up, and put her clothes on, then noticed me in the door way, I quickly shit my eyes pretending too be asleep, she stepped over me and walked out of the tour bus.

I watched him as he began tossing, I realised he would soon wake up, I watched his eyes’ flutter open, he sat up sharply, lying back down again, then slowly he rose from his position, he swung his legs round and stood up, glancing around, he then noticed me in the door frame, his face dropped.

“Frank” he said softly running towards me kneeling next too me.

A fresh new set of tears sprung out of my eyes, I pushed him, he fell backwards on to his bum.

“Gerard, how could you?” I asked crying

“I .. I .. I don’t know” he replied looking downwards

“I Fucking hate you Gerard Way, I hate you, I fucking Hate you!” I screamed hitting him

I didn’t hit him hard, just hard enough too realise how much I’m hurting inside.

“I watched you, I fucking watched you with that slut, every single bit I watched you” I shouted getting angry

“I’m sorry” he whispered

“No your fucking not” I shouted

Grabbing the razor blade next too me, he watched my sleave still rolled up from the night before, I quickly pulled the razor blade across my wrist, pressing harder than I’ve ever pressed before.

The blood squirting out of my veins rapidly, I stared at his face in my last minutes of life, Tears rolling down his cheeks, I watched as he grabbed it off me, and followed suit, he cut his wrist also.

The last thing I heard was the faint voice of the man I loved

“I love you Frank, see you in heaven baby”

That was when it blacked out; I was crossing over, heading for the blinding light. I was no longer in the natural world, I was heading towards heaven until I got too the sign post of the red room.

Hell

Gerard beat me there