Paranoia

It was almost like some awful movie. The way the sound of the car slamming straight into his body sounded much too loud for my ears. The way it all seemed to happen in slow motion, as if to torture me even more with each second that passed, each one seeming more and more like an eternity. The way the whole world seemed to pause just for that one moment.

In reality, there was a squeal of brakes, my horrified cry and then...nothing.

****

It had been my fault. It was all my fault. It was my harsh words that caused him to storm out the house, which had caused him to walk straight out into the road without a thought.

It was over before I even had a chance to blink. My frozen heart even seemed to have been alive just to stop stopped for a few seconds, I'm sure. The driver of the car getting out of his vehicle was the only thing that brought me back to reality, the world restarting with a sudden bang. Everything came rushing back to me then, everything sunk in, and the panic finally engulfed me.

I didn't even care when the driver, muttering horrified apologies, simply jumped back into his car and drove away. I didn't cry out with outrage, my mind didn't even think of the term hit and run. There was only one word running through my mind, and nothing else mattered for that moment. Michael. Michael. Michael. Oh please wake up!

I didn't utter a word out loud. I forgot how too. I forgot about everything but the person in front of me, Michael, looking beautifully displaced and peaceful as he was, I forgot how he was sprawled on the cold concrete.

It was only when I felt a hand on my shoulder, shushing me and talking about ambulances and hospitals that I realized I was screaming. That what seemed like the whole world had gathered on the street to witness this nightmare.

He was fine. I was sure he was fine. He looked so peaceful. So peaceful and still. There wasn't even a drop of blood on the pavement where he laid. But in that moment, everything that was Michael was destroyed. Everything that made him, him disappeared into forever, and left me behind, alone and hurting, alone with out my best friend. My best friend that I could rely on any situation.

I basically screwed up a fucking lot. I should of just shut up and kissed him when I had the chance.

I wish there was someway that I could just click my heels three times and just go back home. Home to where I was safe. Home to where Michael would still be alive. But there just isn’t any possible way to do that. Michael is dead! For good!

……….No! No! No, I will never consider that option! Never! There is no possible way that I shall transform Michael into a living statue of granite! Michael was meant to be human. Period.

Yet, after that very mind wrecking thought, I found myself breaking through the ambulance doors and speeding down to the crime scene.