Asleep Or Dead

Gerard burst through the dorm door.

"WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO TO YOU?! I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL MOTHERFUCKING KILL HIM!!"

I was silently curled up in the fetal position. I was traumatized my eyes wide with fear and discontent. Gerard ran up and curled his arms around me.

"Gerard. Please stop-Gerard.." I whispered desperately.

"I'm here now. Don't be afraid."

"Gerard." I cried.

"Why?! Why is it always us! Why does this shit happen to us?! Why did we deserve it! I love you, and obviously God can't comprehend this! I feel like being together is going to kill us!"

"Break up with me. I don't want anymore things to happen to you."

"NO! NO NO NO NO NO! There is NO way in HELL that I will leave you. Not now. God, Kate don't leave me now! I'll never leave you!"

I stood up. I lost my fucking cool.

"ALL THIS SHIT! The lightning, the bridge, Bethany dying! Me leaving, the rape, the murmurs.-"

I cut off. I didn't want Gerard to know about the heart murmurs. I was terrified of him knowing and worrying,

"Murmurs?"

"Yes Gerard, the doctor tells me that I have heart murmurs. Don't worry about it."

"I have to worry. I love you so much, I want you. I want you to be with me forever."

"After this, I can't even look out you."

"I am not mad. I am not mad of you."

"I never want to make love to anyone ever again! What about that?"

"I don't care about sex. I need you, If I lost you now after all we've been through..."

"I don't want you to go."

I poured myself into his arms. I held him and cried into his chest. I wanted to be with him forever.

"I'm scared." I told him.

"Why?"

"Because if this is what has happened to us before, what is going to happen again?"

"I don't know."

"I don't care. I want you to stay by my side."

"God, why? Why does it have to be you and I?"

"Everything happens for a reason... Including what I am about to tell you..."

"What are you going to tell me?"

"I-I-"

"You what?"

"I can't approach this. I really can't, I want you to stay with me no matter what has happened!"

"What is so terrible? I would never leave you. Never for the world."

"I-I am..."

"It's okay." He kissed the top of my head and held my hand.

"I am bearing you child, Gerard."

"You will make a great mother, Kate."

"You...aren't mad?"

"I am happy."

"Happy?"

"I always wanted a family."

"Gee."

He held me close.

Despite the fact that I had lied just to see his reaction to the situation.

...