Days of Summer

“Joe? Joe? Wake up.” Tina said to me while she lightly pushed me to wake up.

I let out a groan before turning my back to her, but that only caused me to get more hassled by her and her getting a little bit more rough with her shoves.

“Joe if you don’t get up right now I’m going to send Frankie in here!” she threatened and that sentence alone got me to wake up more.

It’s not that I don’t love Frankie, I just don’t like his waking me up style. It always consists of jumping on me while yelling a song of ours. But it did get me to wake up so all in all it worked despite the bruises I would sometimes be left with on my arms and legs.

“I’m up.” I groaned out, having my voice crack from not using it for the last 9 hours due to my state of sleep.

“We’re leaving in about an hour. Did you want to come with us or no?” she asked so softly, clearly nervous and slightly afraid if I would either snap on her or burst into tears.

Do I want to come?

I sat there for a few minutes, looking at her, although I wasn’t really processing her. Like, I was seeing her but not really. Like how sometimes when you read something, you read it, but you just don’t actually understand it. It was one of those things for me as I tried to come up with a decision in my mind.

I wanted to go. I really did. Even though I knew it would kill me to see her again and know that she wasn’t mine in any way, but I still wanted to go. But I didn’t want to willingly go. I wanted to make it seem like someone was making me go. That way if anything was said about me going, I could just blame it on someone else.

“Make me go.” I stated, and even though her and I never really were close, I knew she knew what I meant.

After yesterday, her and I just kinda, connected. Sure, it had been a really bad circumstance that got us to bond, but still, either way, she understood me and I understood her.

She smirked slightly at me and took in a deep breath, getting ready to put on a show.

“Joseph Adam! I don’t care what you say, you’re coming with us and that’s final.” she stated and then smiled at me, gave me a quick hug, went over to my door and slammed it shut while I laughed quietly to myself.

“The slamming of the door gave a better effect don’t you think?” she said quickly while she opened my door wide enough for her to stick her head in before she quietly shut it and I could already hear the opening and closing of my brothers doors while Kevin’s somewhat muffled voice asked her what was wrong.

“Nothing. Joe and I just got into a little fight this morning about him not wanting to come with us. But I told him he’s coming whether I have to throw him over my shoulder kicking and screaming.” she said loudly for me to hear through the door and I laughed under my breath. But my laughing came to a quick halt when my door flew open only to see Nick and Kevin in the doorway with Tina’s head right above Nick’s right shoulder.

“You’re coming with us and that’s final. You can’t be left alone after everything that’s happened.” Kevin stated in a macho voice, and as badly as I wanted to laugh at him, all I did was salute him while getting out of my bed to verify that I heard him while he glared at me along with Nick and I noticed Tina having a silent laughing attack behind them both, making it really hard for me not to bust up laughing.

The two of them just nodded their heads from my salute and shut the door behind them as they left me to get ready for the day.

After I finished my shower and upon entering my room, I was shocked to see an outfit already picked out for me sitting on my bed with a little note attached to it.

“She always liked this shirt on you.
Love,
Tina”

I smiled slightly and let out a sigh before deciding whether or not to wear it.

Do I want to make her swoon over me? Do I want her back if the opportunity was handed to me?

Right after I asked myself those questions, one word popped into my head in the loudest “Duh” tone imaginable.

YES!

I quickly changed and decided to let my hair air dry because I knew she always liked my curls better than when I straightened it. She used to tell me to where my hair natural all the time.

It felt like I was going to a big party or a premiere of some sort with how exact I was with how I looked. And it didn’t help that I started to get major butterflies in my stomach while my breathing became erratic.

I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t just walk up to the girl that I fell in love with last year, and still am in love with, and act casual. I’d make a fool out of myself for sure. More so than I already did.

After feeling nauseous for a good 5 minutes, I decided I was going to bail out on this whole thing. I couldn’t do it. I already felt like I was going to throw up I was so nervous and it didn’t help that my room became stifling hot after the mere thought of seeing her face again.

But right as I got up from my bed to go tell them that I wasn’t coming with, Tina walked into my room in a t-shirt and sweats with a nervous smile on her face.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to want to bail on us.” she stated as she walked over to me, resting a hand on my shoulder and pushing me down lightly onto my bed while she took a seat next to me.

“I can’t do this Tina. I thought I could for like a mere 20 seconds that I would be able to do this. To confront her. But I can’t now. I’m a mess. I’m nauseous. And not just inside nauseous, like physically nauseous. Can’t you see?” I asked, my words coming out faster as my nerves started to take over my brain.

She raised a hand up to my face and said with a stern voice, although there was a little bit of playfulness mixed in with it, “Do I have to smack some sense into you? Cuz you know I will!”

That alone calmed me down slightly. It at least stopped the bouncing of my leg that I wasn’t even aware of until it stopped.

“Maybe getting smacked would knock some sense into me.” I stated quietly under my breath while turning away from her slightly to look at the pictures I had taped above my bed last night of Allie and I.

“Joe…she’s even more of a mess. She’s terrified that you don’t want to come because you hate her. She loves you and even though she feels horrible for not telling you right away when she realized the way she felt about you and she‘s expecting you not to, but she really wants you to forgive her. She really wants to see you. Trust me.” she stated and I caught some of her eye rolling as I turned my head back to look at her. “I know.”

I let out a fake little laugh and looked one more time back towards the year old pictures of her and I before quickly shooting off of my bed to stand up.

“Let’s go before I change my mind again.” I stated to her while she smiled widely up at me before getting up from my bed and leading the way out of my bedroom.

I’m going to see her. I’m going to see her after a year. Quick. Did I put on deodorant? Cologne? I did put boxers on right? Oh my gosh I’m a freaking mess. And I’m gonna see her. Wow, she’s gotta look amazing. She probably looks even more beautiful from the last time I saw her, if that’s even possible. Oh god!

“I’ll be right back! I uh, I forgot something!” I stated halfway down the stairs and I quickly turned around and sprinted back to my room, briefly glancing at the confused faces of my brothers and Tina.

As I marched over to my bed and looked underneath it, I pulled out the slender bracelet box and took a seat on my bed, letting out a loud sigh.

I was going to give it to her. Well, I did give it to her, but she gave it back, but maybe, if things went well today, she would want it and be mine. Forever. I wouldn’t settle for less than that.

I’d lost her once, I wouldn’t be able to lose her a second time so she was stuck with me whether she liked it or not.

Letting out a final sigh, more of a decision making sigh, I got up from my bed and shoved it into my pants pocket, having the box sticking out halfway and I secretly wished I could carry a purse to disguise this better. But after two calls of my name from downstairs followed by quick footsteps, I opened the box, grabbed the bracelet and shoved it in my pocket while tossing the box back onto my bed and quickly exiting my room, only to come face to face with Nick.

“What were you doing?” he asked me and then sent me a quizzical look while trying to look past me into my room but I quickly shut the door while trying to keep at least a 6 inch distance from him, but that didn’t work to well since he refused to move from his spot.

“Nothing. Just forgot something. Let’s go.” I stated and plastered a fake smile on my face.

He looked at me quizzically again, sent a glance at my now closed door with me pressed up against it before letting out a “Fine.” and turning on his heel and heading back downstairs, casting one glance back to see if I was following him.

* * * * *

“We should totally get these!” Frankie yelled enthusiastically while Kevin, Nick, myself and Big Rob looked around nervously to see if he brought any attention to us from any people in passing of our aisle. Luckily, only really old people go grocery shopping in the middle of the day so we were in the clear.

“Here. I’ll buy one for Allie and then one for you. Sound good?” Tina asked Frankie, sending him a smile while he nodded his head vigorously and grabbing a box of honey flavored Teddy Grahams off the shelf and hugging it to his body.

I couldn’t help but chuckle slightly under my breath from how much he was like me when I was little.

“Joe, can you go get a can of baked beans, we’re having burgers tonight and she wants beans to go with them.” Tina asked me while looking at me with a slight nervous look but I plastered a smile on my face and nudged Nick’s arm to get him to come with me before we set off for the aisle with all the beans.

“So how you holding up?” he asked me once we turned the corner of the aisle with all the beans in it and I started examining which ones would go best with burgers.

“What are you talking about? I’m fine. Never better.” I stated automatically, still searching throw all the different kind of beans.

Who knew there were so many?! Barbeque, Secret Recipe, regular…the cans just keep going.

“Don’t play that card with me Joe. I know you and I know that Frankie overheard Tina and Kevin talking last night and came running to me saying that you were crying yesterday.”

I snapped my head back up at him and tried to come up with something to say. “I did-I didn’t cry-”

“Twice.” Nick said, cutting me off from my stuttering to try and make myself look like less of a loser to my younger brother who looked up to me.

I let out a defeated sigh before looking back at the beans for a few minutes before saying anything to him.

“I’m fine Nick. I’m just really nervous to see her again. I mean, it’s not like we left things the greatest when she left.”

“What do you mean?” he asked me, reaching towards the beans and grabbing a Busch’s Baked Beans Secret Recipe can and gave me a head nod to indicate that we should get back to them before Big Rob gets a hernia.

I quickly grabbed the can out of his hands and mock glared at him as we made our way cautiously back to everyone else.

“It’s….it’s quite a long story.” I stuttered out back to him while turning into the aisle where we last left our party and my heart and my footsteps stopped from taking in the two new people that added themselves to our party.

There she was, Allie. She was standing there, talking and smiling and laughing it up with Frankie, Tina, Kevin and Big Rob while there I was, holding a can of baked beans next to Nick who was saying something along the lines, “We have nothing to do today and I always have time to listen to my older brother.” But none of that concerned me at the moment.

All the feelings I had for her came rushing back, all the bad ones anyways. Even though I got to hear her laugh and see her beautiful smile which, Oh god my heart is going to fly right out of my chest, all my feelings of despair, anger and hate were running through my body.

Which, maybe it was a good thing that it was. I was so worried I wouldn’t know what would happen to me when I saw her next, and obviously now I did.

I hated her, and I almost got a sense of closure with all those feelings rushing through me, but then she brushed her hair back and her eyes scanned the area around her and her eyes locked on mine and all the laughing and talking and joking around stopped.

Well, at least to me they all did. I didn’t hear anything at that point.

All I saw was her eyes on mine and I could see the tension between us already building up like a snow wall that you make when having snowball fights with people.

And just like that, seeing the hurt in her eyes, my feelings switched from hating her to loving her and I knew that my stance softened a bit while the pieces of my heart were molded back together perfectly and was placed in the hole in my chest.

The bracelet just happened to start poking my leg from me relaxing slightly and I was brought back to reality. The fact that the girl that broke my heart in the airport a year ago, shoving the bracelet that currently resided in my pants pocket back at me and turned around and walked away from me like I never meant anything to her. And yet, all I could think about was all the times her smile made my head spin. Her lips made me crave more. Her hand interlaced with mine made me smile like none other with how well we fit together.

I didn’t even know that I was walking towards her so fast until I was a few inches from her, her face changing from sad and hurt to shocked and somewhat scared.

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I was about to do at the moment from all my emotions running through me, but when she looked down at the ground, I couldn’t take it.

I had to see those eyes that I’ve been longing to see for the last year.

I lifted her head up, somewhat forcibly since she was fighting me and then she said it.

“I’m so so sorry I never told you I love you.”

My heart literally soared higher than it ever did before, and I could feel a smile, a genuine smile, come onto my face from hearing her beautiful voice, even though it was cracking from her crying, say that she was sorry and that she loved me.

“Here.” was all I said as I dropped the can of beans on the ground from my hurried fishing in my pocket for the bracelet that I so badly wanted to see on her wrist.

Finally grabbing it from my pocket, not letting my eyes leave her face once, I said it again. “Here.” and I held it out towards her, my hands shaking slightly from how nervous I was on whether or not she would take it this time around.

“Joe…” she sighed out, her voice cracking from her tears and my heart broke all over again from hearing her say my name like that followed by a head shake while looking down at either the bracelet or the floor. “I can’t take that. I don’t deserve it. I never did and I never will.” she said, now actually crying and letting me hear her sobs.

“Are you crazy?” I asked her softly and I lifted her head back up to me. This time it was a lot easier since she already was so broken. “You’ve always deserved it. Please take it. I don’t think I can go through the rejection again.” I said softly to her, my voice cracking once at the end before the tears came and she caressed my face, her tears falling as fast as mine were. “I need you to take it.” I begged out through my tears and she let out a small laugh, choking on her tears, making me choke on mine.

“You realize how pathetic that sounded?” she asked me with a small laugh and I nodded my head while I wiped my tears away.

“You’re the only girl that made me feel like I was never good enough for you. And I love that. I love that I actually have to try for your affection instead of it just getting handed to me. So, will you please take this?” I asked her again, finally getting a hold of my tears.

“Joe…I never-” she started and I couldn’t take it anymore.

I grabbed the back of her head and kissed her like I’ve never kissed anyone before.

I was filled with urgency for her touch, I needed it. I needed her. And she tasted better than I ever remembered.

After a few seconds, she finally just melted into me and I couldn’t help but smile from feeling her against me and having her wrapped up in my arms. Right where she always belonged.

“I love you.” she said to me through our kisses as they became less urgent and rough to becoming more soft.

I let out a small moan, not only because her lips felt amazing on my own, but because it felt so good to hear say that to me after so long.

“I love you too.” I mumbled against her lips as I squeezed her closer to me to have her body right against mine and I was literally seeing spots for a few seconds after we finished our kiss and were just standing there hugging each other for dear life.

“Don’t ever leave me again. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.” I whispered softly into her ear.

“It’s true. I’ve never seen him so depressed before in my life.” I heard Kevin’s voice say from behind us and I turned around to mock glare at him for his little comment, but soon Nick and Frankie were nodding their heads and agreeing with his statement while Allie let out a small laugh.

“It defiantly goes both ways for the depressed part.” she said to me while pulling back a little bit to look into my eyes.

“You have no idea!” Tina said from behind us and I’m pretty sure her tone made it more clear than her words actually did from how depressed Allie really was for the last year.

I couldn’t help but laugh from how we both got harassed by how depressed we got, but all that sadness and pain from the last year seemed to fade away with her in my arms.

“Allie?” a little girl’s voice asked and I quickly turned around to see where the voice came from.

The girl was maybe 2 or 3 years old, white blonde hair and probably the most adorable little girl I’ve ever seen in my life before and was being held by Tina on her hip.

“Yes Emma?” Allie asked her back while wiping at her beautiful face to get rid of any tears stains that possibly were showing as I kept an arm around her waist, our hips attached to one another’s.

After a year of not touching or seeing her, I wasn’t going to let her out of my sight or out of my grasp. I needed to be around her as much as humanly possible to make up for the last year.

“I want to have burgers. Are we done yet?” Emma asked and Allie let out a small laugh, and right as she was about to answer her, Tina looked over at us quickly before saying, “Emma, how about Allie and Joe spend some time together and we’ll all go have burgers and then play rainforest. How does that sound?!” she asked her excitedly and I so badly wanted to jump Tina right there to give her a huge hug. But that would have inquired letting go of Allie, so I just sent her the hugest smile I ever gave anyone before in my life.

“OOOO! We have to hide from the bear this time! And he’s-” the little girl said while pointing to Kevin, “going to be the walking tree!” she said excitedly while squirming out of Tina’s hold to get to Kevin.

“What’s the walking tree?” I heard Kevin ask as Tina put the little girl down and she ran to Kevin and he picked her up somewhat scared.

“You’re the one she rides on. She must like you a lot because it’s always either me or Allie who’s the walking tree. I don’t think Kayla’s ever been it before.” Tina explained while Allie laughed and leaned into me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

“What do you say we make up for the last year?” I asked her seductively in her ear and I couldn’t help but chuckle when she shivered slightly next to me.

“I defiantly think we should do that. But first…” she trailed off, letting go of my waist and turning to look at me. “I think I need help putting a bracelet on. Care to help?” she asked and I completely forgot about the bracelet that was still in my one hand.

I smiled widely at her and quickly snapped it onto her wrist before pulling her out of the grocery store while saying a quick goodbye to everyone over my shoulder.

“So what should we do?” I asked her as we made our way towards her car and got in it.

“Whatever you want to do. We’ve got the rest of the summer…let’s do whatever we want to do.” she said while turning her car on and rolling down all the windows.

“I think later on tonight we have some boardwalk adventures again.” I said while she pulled out of the parking lot of the grocery store.

“And until then…” she trailed off while grabbing my one hand since she was now on the open road.

I looked over and smiled at her, caught off guard at how beautiful she looked while squeezing her hand gently.

I honestly didn’t care what we did at the moment. I didn’t care what we did from now on. All that I cared about was that she was going to be mine and by my side.

I want a simple explanation.
What I’m feeling inside.
I gotta find a way out.
Maybe there’s a way out.

I laughed slightly to myself from hearing the lyrics from Boys like Girls, “Thunder” and glanced over at her to see her looking at me with a confused look on her face from my laugh.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder.
And I said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors.
I don’t want to love another.
You’ll always be my thunder.

I sang to her along with the song and she smiled so wide before, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that someone could be so perfect in every possible aspect.

“I don’t care. As long as I’m with you.” I said, finally answering her question and lifting up her hand to give it a kiss while she giggled and then started singing the rest of the song while I joined in with her.

She was my life. My every great memory. My sun. My world. And there was nothing, nothing that would take her away from me.