Just Like You Imagined

I woke up at 5:01am, 59 minutes before I had to start my usual morning routine. I could hear the faint breathing of my parents in the room next to mine, they were still sleeping. I felt that familiar sting in my arm, I saw that familiar sight, it had become a part of me. Now it would feel strange to not see them there. On my arm, leg, pretty much anywhere nowadays. It started with a safety pin; it was blunt so I eventually switched to something sharper. I think you all know what that sharp object was.

5:25 am. 35 minutes to go. 35 minutes before I start yet another day of my miserable life, it sort of lost all it’s meaning lately. I just carry on doing the same things as I’ve always done. I’m alive just not really living. Another ten minutes have passed. I might as well start my day 25 minutes earlier, it’s not like I have a whole lot of other things to do.

I got my outfit for today, my favourite skirt and a long sleeved plain black shirt. Long sleeves were essential. I couldn’t have anyone else witnessing my far too many mistakes, although I’m pretty sure half the school already knows about it. That’s why I’m so alone. My friends gave up on me, left and labeled me ‘freak’. That’s how it goes when you are, or do anything that’s outside the realm of what is considered normal. I got used to it after a while, and I don’t like being surrounded by loads of people giving me sympathy. They don’t understand anyway, I’m the only one who does.

Everyday is exactly the same. Shampoo-rinse shower gel-rinse conditioner-rinse. I grabbed a towel and got out of the shower, I hate being all wet and cold. I put my clothes on in a daze and make my way out of my bedroom. My parents are still sleeping. Breakfast is pretty much non-existent, most of my time in the morning goes to half sleeping at the kitchen table and doing my hair. It’s rather pointless really, no one cares about how I look, no one sees me anymore, I’m a nobody.

30 minutes until school starts, I should probably start walking. My school is only a few blocks away so I walk to school everyday. I like walking, unlike most people. It’s peaceful and I can just be alone with my thoughts, and my mp3, mostly it’s Nine Inch Nails on repeat.
I start walking with NIN loud in my ears. I shut out the outside world and escape my worries for a while, I almost feel free.

I believe I can see the future
As I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again that might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I’ve been told
I really don’t want them to come around

Oh no

Everyday is exactly the same
Everyday is exactly the same

I could see the school now about a hundred yards ahead. Everyday is exactly the same. I make my way through the big front entrance and continue through the boring dull corridors painted in grey, to my locker. On my way people push, shove and give me weird looks. I’ve gotten used to it though. Life on the outside.

It’s 8:10 am. History class starts in 5 minutes. Joy.