Status: Very, very long hiatus.
She Was Something Special
Why Do I Put Myself in These Situations?
2 weeks since I dated Gabe, and the feeling to kiss him was stronger when Sisky was around. I wasn’t making him jealous… right?
I, again, was sitting on the bus’ top tonight. This time with no journal and pencil. Only me, without anything or anyone. The sky wasn’t starry tonight. There were only like around 3 stars to be found, and the light sources were the moonlight and some street lights.
I moved to Milwaukee few years ago for high school. I got a scholarship to one of their high schools. At first I didn’t want to leave because of Sisky, but something changed my mind. Something important. Something that made me think that scholarship was the best choice to get away from him…
But what’s the point of getting away from him when at the end I still met him? Why did I accept the scholarship when at the end I dropped out of school for my career?
…What’s the point of dating Gabe when Sisky keeps going in and out of my mind?
“Sisky!” I heard a girl’s giggle voice. I peeked down to their bus, and I saw Sisky was with FNB’s guitar tech Jess. Sisky was smiling at her, and she was smiling back at him.
The whole view made a huge pain in my chest, so I lay back down on the bus’ top and plugged in my iPod earphone, turning up the volume until their voices weren’t heard again.
“Oh hey,” Jess said as I walked past through her at the venue.
I tried my best to behave and smile at her, and I did. “Hi,” I choked out.
“Are you okay? You don’t look okay,” she asked with a concerned look.
“I’m fine.” That came out with an unfriendly tone and I didn’t expect it. Jess’ expression changed.
“Are you sure? You want me to find Bill or Gabe?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine, really.”
“Okay. Just tell me if you need anything, okay?” she smiled, giving me a friendly hug. I almost pushed her away. She pulled away and smiled again before walking away.
I was in the dressing room and somehow nobody else was there. I was staring blankly at the mirror, until a figure showed up in the doorframe.
“Hey…” he said softly, stepping in.
I closed my eyes.
“Jess told me you don’t look well. Are you okay?”
“Don’t fucking come closer to me,” I hissed as I heard him walking closer to me. I felt him stopped. “Don’t fucking care about me.”
“Alan—“
“DON’T FUCKING SAY MY NAME!” I screamed, holding back the tears that were threatening to slide off. My eyes were still closed and he didn’t say anything.
All these years, I tried so much to forget him, and I did. Why did he have to care so much about me? It hurts me so much.
I turned around as I was opening my eyes and gasped when he was now only 2 inches away from me.
“Why do you hate me so much?” he asked softly. I couldn’t look into his eyes so I looked away. “Alanna, look at me.” I refused to do so.
“I don’t hate you,” I said. “Why don’t you just go back to Jess and—and—“
“And what, Alanna? Jess is only a friend.”
“Friends with benefits,” I muttered.
“At least I didn’t suck her face.”
I glared at him. He sighed. “Are you trying to make me jealous by dating Gabe?”
“What? How could you think of that? I really like him.”
He said nothing; he just stared into my brown eyes, looking for answer from my heart, and he got it. “Congrats, I am jealous now.”
I didn’t say anything and looked away.
“Alanna, why are you doing this? You’re using Gabe—“
“I don’t!”
“Whatever. Anything you’re doing is hurting me. Hurting me because you’re not interested with the object you’re doing. You know, I was so in love with you—“
“Was is the code in here, Sisky.”
He licked his lips and looked down to his shoes for a moment, and then his head shot up again.
“I’m serious this time, Al,” he said. “I lo—“
“STOP IT!” I cut him off, bringing my hands to my ears, covering them. “Don’t say it!” I screamed, sliding off to the floor with my back against the counter-thingy. “I don’t wanna hear it! Don’t fucking say it!” Tears were now escaping from my eyes, flowing like a river.
I don’t wanna hear him saying those words. Not because that I’m dating Gabe, but there is someone else he should be saying those words to.
I, again, was sitting on the bus’ top tonight. This time with no journal and pencil. Only me, without anything or anyone. The sky wasn’t starry tonight. There were only like around 3 stars to be found, and the light sources were the moonlight and some street lights.
I moved to Milwaukee few years ago for high school. I got a scholarship to one of their high schools. At first I didn’t want to leave because of Sisky, but something changed my mind. Something important. Something that made me think that scholarship was the best choice to get away from him…
But what’s the point of getting away from him when at the end I still met him? Why did I accept the scholarship when at the end I dropped out of school for my career?
…What’s the point of dating Gabe when Sisky keeps going in and out of my mind?
“Sisky!” I heard a girl’s giggle voice. I peeked down to their bus, and I saw Sisky was with FNB’s guitar tech Jess. Sisky was smiling at her, and she was smiling back at him.
The whole view made a huge pain in my chest, so I lay back down on the bus’ top and plugged in my iPod earphone, turning up the volume until their voices weren’t heard again.
“Oh hey,” Jess said as I walked past through her at the venue.
I tried my best to behave and smile at her, and I did. “Hi,” I choked out.
“Are you okay? You don’t look okay,” she asked with a concerned look.
“I’m fine.” That came out with an unfriendly tone and I didn’t expect it. Jess’ expression changed.
“Are you sure? You want me to find Bill or Gabe?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine, really.”
“Okay. Just tell me if you need anything, okay?” she smiled, giving me a friendly hug. I almost pushed her away. She pulled away and smiled again before walking away.
I was in the dressing room and somehow nobody else was there. I was staring blankly at the mirror, until a figure showed up in the doorframe.
“Hey…” he said softly, stepping in.
I closed my eyes.
“Jess told me you don’t look well. Are you okay?”
“Don’t fucking come closer to me,” I hissed as I heard him walking closer to me. I felt him stopped. “Don’t fucking care about me.”
“Alan—“
“DON’T FUCKING SAY MY NAME!” I screamed, holding back the tears that were threatening to slide off. My eyes were still closed and he didn’t say anything.
All these years, I tried so much to forget him, and I did. Why did he have to care so much about me? It hurts me so much.
I turned around as I was opening my eyes and gasped when he was now only 2 inches away from me.
“Why do you hate me so much?” he asked softly. I couldn’t look into his eyes so I looked away. “Alanna, look at me.” I refused to do so.
“I don’t hate you,” I said. “Why don’t you just go back to Jess and—and—“
“And what, Alanna? Jess is only a friend.”
“Friends with benefits,” I muttered.
“At least I didn’t suck her face.”
I glared at him. He sighed. “Are you trying to make me jealous by dating Gabe?”
“What? How could you think of that? I really like him.”
He said nothing; he just stared into my brown eyes, looking for answer from my heart, and he got it. “Congrats, I am jealous now.”
I didn’t say anything and looked away.
“Alanna, why are you doing this? You’re using Gabe—“
“I don’t!”
“Whatever. Anything you’re doing is hurting me. Hurting me because you’re not interested with the object you’re doing. You know, I was so in love with you—“
“Was is the code in here, Sisky.”
He licked his lips and looked down to his shoes for a moment, and then his head shot up again.
“I’m serious this time, Al,” he said. “I lo—“
“STOP IT!” I cut him off, bringing my hands to my ears, covering them. “Don’t say it!” I screamed, sliding off to the floor with my back against the counter-thingy. “I don’t wanna hear it! Don’t fucking say it!” Tears were now escaping from my eyes, flowing like a river.
I don’t wanna hear him saying those words. Not because that I’m dating Gabe, but there is someone else he should be saying those words to.
♠ ♠ ♠
this chapter is for jess because she was the first one that commented this story :]chapter title taken from whoa oh (me vs everyone) by forever the sickest kids.
this is one of my favorite chapter ((:
fifty-five readers.
fifteen subscribers.
twelve comments.
school starts tomorrow, and i dont know if i can update as often as i do now. i'll try my best to update as often as i can!