Baby I've Got My Eye On You
Fifteen
Sat with my legs entwined so that one foot sat comfortably on the join of my right leg, whist the other ached with pins-and-needles, I grasped the edges of the old, brass clock in almost an obsessive manor, pouring over it’s face. I was taking note over every second that passed by until midnight. Surprisingly, the clock that usually sat centrally on the shelf in my parents bedroom, was relatively light, despite all my admiration of its shining colour when I was a child, desperately wanting to touch it; I always imagined the brass object to weigh the world, probably due to the sentimental value it had to my mother. It was one of the few things she had left in her possession that once belonged to my grandmother. Beth and I were never allowed to touch it, it was much too precious. But, as I sat alone on the carpeted floor, waiting for both it’s hands to reach the top, I wanted nothing more than to throw it against the wall and watch it smash to pieces.
My mother must have had such a good relationship with her own mother, I thought. I suppose I was a little jealous of that given the sheer irony that she had forgotten her own daughters birthday, but something else was bothering me and I wasn’t sure what. I had spent much of the slowly passing, lazy Monday of my school holidays, sat by the phone, secretly wanting Brian to call. Beth had said to be that it would be perfectly fine for me to ring him, but I didn’t want to; now, I had less than twenty seconds left of being seventeen and had no idea how I’d feel about it.
I got angry with my self as a wet smudge appeared on the glass face of the clock, dripping down from an unprovoked tear that streaked down my cheek. I had no right to be upset, just like I had told Brian, this wasn’t a big deal. I mean, people are fucking starving in Africa and stuff, and there I was, sobbing like a baby because I felt neglected. The distance between the minute and hour hands was now so acute that it was barely visible, and my mind counted down as the thin second hand passed by the remaining seconds of the day.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Midnight. I was eighteen. And what of it? I didn’t feel any different, looking in to the glass of the clock, my reflection was identical to the one I always saw – so why did it matter that nobody remembered?
My thin fingers awkwardly fumbled as I replaced the clock in it’s rightful place on the shelf, next to my parent’s wedding photograph and an empty coffee mug that neither Beth or I had been bothered to pick up after our parent’s quick exit days ago.
I quietly went to bed; the tears had stopped, and I felt very stupid. The morning would be different, I told myself. I was an adult now, and if I wanted, I could ring up my parents and give them a piece of my mind.
Of course I knew that I wouldn’t, the very thought was laughable, but it’s much better to laugh than to cry.
I didn’t dream that night, which was unusual for me as I dreamt quite frequently, and about the most obscure things; not that night, infact, I didn’t much feel like I’d slept at all given the unexpected awakening I received.
Lying peacefully with my head resting on my pillow, I suddenly found my self unable to breathe, and quickly shot up from the bed. My startle was diluted by Beth’s laughter. She had being sat with her fingers pinched over my nose like an annoying little bitch.
“What the hell!?” I asked as she laughed away at my expense.
“Well what do you expect!? I’ve been waiting hours for you to get up, it’s like, four o’clock in the afternoon you lazy bitch and I’m bored!” she gasped with a smile.
“You could have woke me normally!”
“No, normal wakenings are for normal people. You would have laid in that bed all day with your freakishness had I tried to ‘wake you normally’”
“Oh shut up”
“Just because it’s your birthday, doesn’t mean you can talk to me like I’m shit on your shoe.”
“Yeah well I – what? You remembered!? You haven’t said anything!” I gasped, half in shock that she had remembered my birthday, and half relieved that she cared.
“As if I wouldn’t” she winked, passing me a carefully wrapped present, coloured in greens and fuchsia that clashed and hurt my eyes a bit. I grinned, taking the present, feeling it’s lightweight that obviously indicated some kind of clothing. My heart sank a bit wastefully, hoping that she hadn’t picked something that she’d wear. Our tastes were nothing alike.
After a lot of ripping and tearing at the paper, I stared at the black T-shirt that was nested in the centre: a classic black baby doll tee, with a white skull that had wings raised at either side, printed on to the cotton. The image practically smacked me in the face as I recognised it as what Brian called, the ‘death bat’, his band’s logo.
“I don’t get it” I told her honestly, completely bewildered as to why she’d get me this other than to take the piss.
“Oh I don’t know” she shrugged, “Maybe I thought you could wear it for the concert tonight”
My eyes widened.
“What?”
She pulled a white envelope from her pocket and I quickly snatched it from her hand, revealing a pair of concert tickets.
Avenged Sevenfold
Plus special guests
Tuesday June 17th
Doors open: 6.30pm.
“No way Beth!” I laughed, “I don’t even know if Syn would want me there”
“Well he wouldn’t have gave me the damn tickets if he didn’t”
“He gave you them?”
“Yeah, do you really think I’d spent that much money on your present? The shirt cost enough!” she laughed.
I smiled, looking down at the tickets, feeling somewhat, special that he wanted me to go to his show.
Beth took ages to get ready, unlike my self who took just under a half-hour. My sister grumbled away about how I should have taken longer, and I responded in an opposite manor, telling her to hurry up. I don’t think she’d ever been to a gig before, she wasn’t really in to the same music as me, but kept saying over and over again as she applied her mascara that she was listening to Avenged Sevenfold’s CD in the car yesterday and that she really liked it, as if she was wanting my acceptance or something. I was getting slightly annoyed at her as she swam through her sea of clothes not knowing what to wear; I kept telling her it wouldn’t matter anyway, but she was persistent, and after two hours I was worried that we’d be late and wouldn’t be able to squish our selves to the front of the crowd so I could see Syn properly.
“Roz calm down” she moaned, “We have plenty of time ’cause were not going to see the support act.”
“But I want to be near the front” I said blushing a little, “I really want to see him, Beth,” I admitted.
She grinned, looking at me for a moment with a weird look that looked remarkably like the one my mother gave her when she first told her she was seeing Tommy. It freaked me out a little.
“Don’t worry Rozzles, I’ll make sure you do.” She looked me up and down, “I wouldn’t want him to miss out on how gorgeous you look”
I laughed: “Shut up, you weirdo”; I was wearing my normal, well worn, faded jeans, that were slightly tight around my arse but really comfy, with the T-shirt Beth had given me, underneath a fitted scarlet and black checked shirt that hung open. Pretty casual really.
All the way to the concert all I could think about was how the support act would likely be nearly finished and Syn’s band would be on in any minute, and I wouldn’t get a good view. Beth played the CD she had bought in the car and hearing it made me feel so lucky.
“It’s quite good isn’t it!” Beth said with a smile, her short blonde hair bobbing as she banged her head to the guitar arpeggios.
“Of course it is” I grinned, “It’s Syn’s band”
“Oh rub it in” she laughed, “ ‘I have a rich rock star boyfriend, look at me’ ”
“I wouldn’t say he was my boyfriend” I said quietly, unintentionally letting a hint of sadness escape through my voice.
“Zacky told me that Syn likes you loads” she said.
I snapped my head around to look at her.
“Zacky? When did he tell you that?”
She blushed.
“Well, um… he came round on Saturday to ask how I was. And Sunday morning. And we went for lunch yesterday.” Her voice sounded awkward and confused.
“…Are you seeing Zacky!?” I asked completely shocked.
“…I don’t know”
“By the sounds of it you are!”
“Well no… well… maybe…” I looked at her and she was smiling her face off. It made me feel both happy that she was getting over that asshole Tommy, but completely confused: Zacky was totally not her type. Not one bit.
When we arrived, my sister well and truly took over the place, pushing people out of her way during the brake between the support band and Avenged, telling people to fuck off out of her way until we were at the front. I laughed to my self, unable to believe how she managed it: this place was pretty big, the stage had a huge backdrop and had raised parts to it – really professional looking. Everything to do with Syn just completely blew me away.
I was snapped out of my admiration as the lights suddenly went out and the whole place started to scream like banshees, whilst crushing each other… into each other! The backdrop came down to reveal a huge death bat, made up of individual red and white lights – it was awesome – I could only imagine the look on my face.
I could feel my heart exploding out of my chest as Syn and the rest of his band flew on to the stage and started playing, the crowed absolutely adored them and, quite frankly, I could feel myself getting a bit hot just watching Syn play.
Every now and again I’d glance round at Beth and smile, surprised to see how much she was enjoying herself, moshing away; Brian didn’t look at me, at first I thought he maybe hadn’t seen me, but at times him and Zacky would be right in front of Beth and I on a raised part of the stage, and Zacky would give Beth a quick smile, but I got nothing from Brian.
An hour or so in, the crowed yelled unison of “Awww”, in protest of the lights going out and the band walking offstage. I imagine they thought it was over, calling out ‘Sevenfold’ over and over again to get them back up on stage.
A light flickered on as Syn appeared holding his guitar, the crowd going insane as he belted out an amazing and ridiculously long guitar solo. Everyone settled down, watching in awe. I couldn’t believe how talented he was.
The solo began to slow down in speed, modulating key and shifting from the short, rapid notes in to long and drawn out ones that had a familiar rhythm. It literally took me half a second to recognise it before the lights that once made up the form of the death bat flickered in to flashing writing, spelling out the one word I hated the most; Matt appeared on the stage with a huge grin and began to sing.
“Happy…Birthday…to you….”
Oh no fucking way.
“Happy…Birthday…to youuuu”
The crowd joined in, including Beth as a smirk appeared on Brian’s face as he continued to play the melody.
“Happy…Birthday… to Rosie” everyone read out from the flashing lights above, “happy birthday to youuuu.”
My hands flew to my cheeks, feeling how hot and red they had become as they were pushed up by my huge smile. Brian locked eyes with me and winked, before the rest of the band rushed back on to the stage in a bullet of energy, bursting in to the song that I recognised as Unholy Confessions. The crowed went wild, but all of them put together could'nt match how I felt that night.
My mother must have had such a good relationship with her own mother, I thought. I suppose I was a little jealous of that given the sheer irony that she had forgotten her own daughters birthday, but something else was bothering me and I wasn’t sure what. I had spent much of the slowly passing, lazy Monday of my school holidays, sat by the phone, secretly wanting Brian to call. Beth had said to be that it would be perfectly fine for me to ring him, but I didn’t want to; now, I had less than twenty seconds left of being seventeen and had no idea how I’d feel about it.
I got angry with my self as a wet smudge appeared on the glass face of the clock, dripping down from an unprovoked tear that streaked down my cheek. I had no right to be upset, just like I had told Brian, this wasn’t a big deal. I mean, people are fucking starving in Africa and stuff, and there I was, sobbing like a baby because I felt neglected. The distance between the minute and hour hands was now so acute that it was barely visible, and my mind counted down as the thin second hand passed by the remaining seconds of the day.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Midnight. I was eighteen. And what of it? I didn’t feel any different, looking in to the glass of the clock, my reflection was identical to the one I always saw – so why did it matter that nobody remembered?
My thin fingers awkwardly fumbled as I replaced the clock in it’s rightful place on the shelf, next to my parent’s wedding photograph and an empty coffee mug that neither Beth or I had been bothered to pick up after our parent’s quick exit days ago.
I quietly went to bed; the tears had stopped, and I felt very stupid. The morning would be different, I told myself. I was an adult now, and if I wanted, I could ring up my parents and give them a piece of my mind.
Of course I knew that I wouldn’t, the very thought was laughable, but it’s much better to laugh than to cry.
I didn’t dream that night, which was unusual for me as I dreamt quite frequently, and about the most obscure things; not that night, infact, I didn’t much feel like I’d slept at all given the unexpected awakening I received.
Lying peacefully with my head resting on my pillow, I suddenly found my self unable to breathe, and quickly shot up from the bed. My startle was diluted by Beth’s laughter. She had being sat with her fingers pinched over my nose like an annoying little bitch.
“What the hell!?” I asked as she laughed away at my expense.
“Well what do you expect!? I’ve been waiting hours for you to get up, it’s like, four o’clock in the afternoon you lazy bitch and I’m bored!” she gasped with a smile.
“You could have woke me normally!”
“No, normal wakenings are for normal people. You would have laid in that bed all day with your freakishness had I tried to ‘wake you normally’”
“Oh shut up”
“Just because it’s your birthday, doesn’t mean you can talk to me like I’m shit on your shoe.”
“Yeah well I – what? You remembered!? You haven’t said anything!” I gasped, half in shock that she had remembered my birthday, and half relieved that she cared.
“As if I wouldn’t” she winked, passing me a carefully wrapped present, coloured in greens and fuchsia that clashed and hurt my eyes a bit. I grinned, taking the present, feeling it’s lightweight that obviously indicated some kind of clothing. My heart sank a bit wastefully, hoping that she hadn’t picked something that she’d wear. Our tastes were nothing alike.
After a lot of ripping and tearing at the paper, I stared at the black T-shirt that was nested in the centre: a classic black baby doll tee, with a white skull that had wings raised at either side, printed on to the cotton. The image practically smacked me in the face as I recognised it as what Brian called, the ‘death bat’, his band’s logo.
“I don’t get it” I told her honestly, completely bewildered as to why she’d get me this other than to take the piss.
“Oh I don’t know” she shrugged, “Maybe I thought you could wear it for the concert tonight”
My eyes widened.
“What?”
She pulled a white envelope from her pocket and I quickly snatched it from her hand, revealing a pair of concert tickets.
Avenged Sevenfold
Plus special guests
Tuesday June 17th
Doors open: 6.30pm.
“No way Beth!” I laughed, “I don’t even know if Syn would want me there”
“Well he wouldn’t have gave me the damn tickets if he didn’t”
“He gave you them?”
“Yeah, do you really think I’d spent that much money on your present? The shirt cost enough!” she laughed.
I smiled, looking down at the tickets, feeling somewhat, special that he wanted me to go to his show.
Beth took ages to get ready, unlike my self who took just under a half-hour. My sister grumbled away about how I should have taken longer, and I responded in an opposite manor, telling her to hurry up. I don’t think she’d ever been to a gig before, she wasn’t really in to the same music as me, but kept saying over and over again as she applied her mascara that she was listening to Avenged Sevenfold’s CD in the car yesterday and that she really liked it, as if she was wanting my acceptance or something. I was getting slightly annoyed at her as she swam through her sea of clothes not knowing what to wear; I kept telling her it wouldn’t matter anyway, but she was persistent, and after two hours I was worried that we’d be late and wouldn’t be able to squish our selves to the front of the crowd so I could see Syn properly.
“Roz calm down” she moaned, “We have plenty of time ’cause were not going to see the support act.”
“But I want to be near the front” I said blushing a little, “I really want to see him, Beth,” I admitted.
She grinned, looking at me for a moment with a weird look that looked remarkably like the one my mother gave her when she first told her she was seeing Tommy. It freaked me out a little.
“Don’t worry Rozzles, I’ll make sure you do.” She looked me up and down, “I wouldn’t want him to miss out on how gorgeous you look”
I laughed: “Shut up, you weirdo”; I was wearing my normal, well worn, faded jeans, that were slightly tight around my arse but really comfy, with the T-shirt Beth had given me, underneath a fitted scarlet and black checked shirt that hung open. Pretty casual really.
All the way to the concert all I could think about was how the support act would likely be nearly finished and Syn’s band would be on in any minute, and I wouldn’t get a good view. Beth played the CD she had bought in the car and hearing it made me feel so lucky.
“It’s quite good isn’t it!” Beth said with a smile, her short blonde hair bobbing as she banged her head to the guitar arpeggios.
“Of course it is” I grinned, “It’s Syn’s band”
“Oh rub it in” she laughed, “ ‘I have a rich rock star boyfriend, look at me’ ”
“I wouldn’t say he was my boyfriend” I said quietly, unintentionally letting a hint of sadness escape through my voice.
“Zacky told me that Syn likes you loads” she said.
I snapped my head around to look at her.
“Zacky? When did he tell you that?”
She blushed.
“Well, um… he came round on Saturday to ask how I was. And Sunday morning. And we went for lunch yesterday.” Her voice sounded awkward and confused.
“…Are you seeing Zacky!?” I asked completely shocked.
“…I don’t know”
“By the sounds of it you are!”
“Well no… well… maybe…” I looked at her and she was smiling her face off. It made me feel both happy that she was getting over that asshole Tommy, but completely confused: Zacky was totally not her type. Not one bit.
When we arrived, my sister well and truly took over the place, pushing people out of her way during the brake between the support band and Avenged, telling people to fuck off out of her way until we were at the front. I laughed to my self, unable to believe how she managed it: this place was pretty big, the stage had a huge backdrop and had raised parts to it – really professional looking. Everything to do with Syn just completely blew me away.
I was snapped out of my admiration as the lights suddenly went out and the whole place started to scream like banshees, whilst crushing each other… into each other! The backdrop came down to reveal a huge death bat, made up of individual red and white lights – it was awesome – I could only imagine the look on my face.
I could feel my heart exploding out of my chest as Syn and the rest of his band flew on to the stage and started playing, the crowed absolutely adored them and, quite frankly, I could feel myself getting a bit hot just watching Syn play.
Every now and again I’d glance round at Beth and smile, surprised to see how much she was enjoying herself, moshing away; Brian didn’t look at me, at first I thought he maybe hadn’t seen me, but at times him and Zacky would be right in front of Beth and I on a raised part of the stage, and Zacky would give Beth a quick smile, but I got nothing from Brian.
An hour or so in, the crowed yelled unison of “Awww”, in protest of the lights going out and the band walking offstage. I imagine they thought it was over, calling out ‘Sevenfold’ over and over again to get them back up on stage.
A light flickered on as Syn appeared holding his guitar, the crowd going insane as he belted out an amazing and ridiculously long guitar solo. Everyone settled down, watching in awe. I couldn’t believe how talented he was.
The solo began to slow down in speed, modulating key and shifting from the short, rapid notes in to long and drawn out ones that had a familiar rhythm. It literally took me half a second to recognise it before the lights that once made up the form of the death bat flickered in to flashing writing, spelling out the one word I hated the most; Matt appeared on the stage with a huge grin and began to sing.
“Happy…Birthday…to you….”
Oh no fucking way.
“Happy…Birthday…to youuuu”
The crowd joined in, including Beth as a smirk appeared on Brian’s face as he continued to play the melody.
“Happy…Birthday… to Rosie” everyone read out from the flashing lights above, “happy birthday to youuuu.”
My hands flew to my cheeks, feeling how hot and red they had become as they were pushed up by my huge smile. Brian locked eyes with me and winked, before the rest of the band rushed back on to the stage in a bullet of energy, bursting in to the song that I recognised as Unholy Confessions. The crowed went wild, but all of them put together could'nt match how I felt that night.